LoveMakeda

Posh'aah Nail Spa

2011-10-28T09:30:00.002-05:00

I've dreamt forever of opening a nail spa, and we're so close I'm bursting with excitement.

In March 2012, Posh'aah Nail Spa will be open for business. Yay!

On her wall #3

2009-12-29T17:33:00.004-06:00

~
She’s always crying, the bigger fly buzzed. All she does is sit in the house and cry.
Pathetic, if you ask me, the second fly twitched.

Sheba rolled over on the sofa, snuggling deeper into her fleece blanket.

You remember when she poured that whole bottle of vodka down the drain.
Yeah, the small fly snickered. You almost got sucked down the sink when trying to get a sip.
That was some good stuff, the big one remembered. She should have taken a swig instead of groveling on the floor and calling out to God.

Sheba whimpered from under the covers as she tightened her body into a ball, “Please God, please take the pain away.”

There she goes again, talking to God, the small fly said.
Come on, the big fly jumped off the wall and whizzed away shouting, let’s find something better to watch.
The smaller fly glanced over Sheba. Pathetic, it said again, and flit away.
~

Entry #2

2009-12-21T16:07:00.004-06:00

~
Sheba rolled over in bed quickly, answering the phone on the first ring. Her eyes popped open in time to see a number she didn’t recognize.
“Hello,” she groaned.
“I’m sorry, She-b.” Her friend’s voice cracked between sobs.
“Crystal? What’s wrong?”
“I – just can’t – take this – no more,” Crystal gasped, bursting into another round of tears.
“Crystal, where are you?”
“I – don’t – know,” she heaved. “I just – left – and kept – walking.”
“Tell me what’s wrong, Crys?”
A heavy heart-wrenching cry screeched through the phone tearing Sheba from her bed. Stuffing her legs into her jeans, she demanded, “Tell me where you are, Crys. I’m coming to get you.”
~

Something New

2009-12-11T16:19:00.010-06:00

~
Sheba stared at herself in the mirror. Tears crystallized on her lashes and poured down her cheeks. She bent over into the rushing water, splashing the tears away. Then titled her heavy head upward and looked into the narrow, red eyes. Why wasn’t she over this yet? Reaching over, she grabbed the towel hanging on the doorknob and buried her swollen eyes into the cotton comfort. Before she could lift her head, the pain etched on her heart forced out another round of the disgusting liquid. “Please make it stop, God,” she begged.
~

This is a story about Love. The real kind.

2009-08-07T05:06:00.008-05:00

Me: God, I don't know what to write, or where to start.
Just write.

Mid 2002, weeks before my graduation from college, I was suicidal. I sat on my bed with two kitchen knives and eyes full of tears. I remember hearing my mom's pained voice crack through the phone urging me to just graduate and come home to her. That's when I knew I needed God.

I followed Mom's guidance and met God shortly after graduation at Mars Hill (the best church on the west side of Chicago -- personal opinion). That's where God started working on me, where he began to loosen my dependence on anything that was not Him. I see now that God separated me from many for the sole purpose of teaching me and watching me grow spiritually.

Me: There is so much to write, but I only wish to script what you wish.
Keep writing

My favorite thing about Mars Hill was digging into God's word. I have pages upon pages of notes in super cute notebooks :o) filled with spiritual insights. I would read my bible independently and actually understand. And for the first time, the voices of negativity in my mind were hushed. I'll never be good enough, smart enough, black (or Hispanic) enough, professional enough, sexy enough... The list went on and on. But God saw more than enough in me. God took his time teaching me, molding me, and making it clear to me that He accepted me.

Just write

One of my teenagers (been teaching teens about God since late 2005) mentioned to me innocently -- and I don't even think she realizes the significance of what she said to me. She said, "Your guy is like your Rico... the guy in the skit." See Lifehouse Everything Skit on the left. In the skit, the guy was pulling the girl away from God. I couldn't understand how my guy could be like that guy. This was the same guy I had been in love with since high school. The same guy who has "loved" and adored me forever.

There are two kinds of love (that I've learned so far). That which belongs to the world and that which comes from God. God is love. Real love is taught by God. God spent the last eight or so years of my life revealing facets of His love to me.
John 15:9 "...Now, remain in my love."

My guy spent that same amount of time "loving" me the way only the world can. The world's love is not for me because God has chosen me out of the world.
John 15:18-19

I've been trapped between these two kinds of love in an intense battle for at least the last year. Mostly because I thought the guy's love was connected to God's love. It wasn't. While I was trapped, I cried, I screamed at the guy, screamed at God. I prayed for the truth, but could never find it. Opened my bible and could not understand. Doubted God. Doubted Life. Doubted Love. Changed my definition of love to the world's. I've spent the past year chained in depression (being blessed all the while), but chained nonetheless.

Then suddenly, after months of being afraid to trust anyone, including God, I allowed my Father (heavenly) to move forward with His will for my life.

I closed my eyes and sought God with my heart.
Remember everything I have taught you, and lean on that.

I see clearly now. My heart hurts, but my God is bigger. God is love and love is described in 1 Corinthians 13.

Love 1 Cor. 13,
makeda
"All I am is a nobody telling somebody about Him." ~ Kierra 'Kiki' Sheard

Flashing Lights

2009-01-05T21:27:00.001-06:00

Love the commercial. Not into the show, but love the commercial.

I Want It!!

2008-11-24T09:44:00.008-06:00

Let's welcome HP back to the game with this Highly Portable stroke of genius, the HP Mini series.

I was at my girlfriend's house over the weekend. Her daughter had one of the first of these itty bitty laptops and after playing with it a little, I am in love.

But we all know it doesn't take much for me to fall in love... LOL!

Back to my raving, this thing is smaller than a sheet of loose leaf paper, yet it has all the functionality of Microsoft Office and the Internet and above all else, it is sooooo cute.

I AM IN LOVE!

Initially, I was in the market for an Apple Macbook, but this HP Mini 1000 series has definitely become the new 'apple' of my eye. Check out the Viviene tam edition on the right. Can we say gorgeous?!

HP has been trying hard to cut into Apple via their celebrity-laden ad campaigns highlighting artistic individuality and the multimedia capabilities of the HP. And I did like the commercials, just not enough to run out and buy one.

Now, I must say, that I find the HP Mini 1000 series absolutely adorable, expressive, delightful and boy oh boy do I want one.

I still have to do more research, but if these babies perform as good as they look, consider it sold!

The Issues on the Table

2008-09-16T11:28:00.001-05:00

Excerpt from: http://www.urvotescount.tumblr.com/

Ever heard of a word cloud? It’s a way of diagramming words used in a speech and making those used the most often, the biggest. In other words, it shows what people are really saying and how often they are saying it. We can assume that if a candidate uses the same words over and over again it’s either their biggest priority - or the issue they MOST want to convince us of. ;)

(Reposted from the New York Times):

The Words They Used
The words that speakers used at the two political conventions show the themes that the parties have highlighted. Republican speakers have talked about reform and character far more frequently than the Democrats. And Republicans were more likely to talk about businesses and taxes, while Democrats were more likely to mention jobs or the economy.

Ur Votes Count

2008-09-16T11:19:00.004-05:00

Excerpt from: http://www.urvotescount.com/

Money Talks! The above, which we read on the Washington Post’s website, shows the literal difference in taxes that both McCain and Obama are talking about. Taxes are just a part of the entire landscape in choosing a candidate, but it’s important to evaluate too. Check it out…and tell us what you think!

Excerpt:
Obama and McCain Tax ProposalsAccording to a new analysis by the Tax Policy Center, a joint project of the Urban Institute and the Brookings Institution, Democrat Barack Obama and Republican John McCain are both proposing tax plans that would result in cuts for most American families. Obama’s plan gives the biggest cuts to those who make the least, while McCain would give the largest cuts to the very wealthy. For the approximately 147,000 families that make up the top 0.1 percent of the income scale, the difference between the two plans is stark. While McCain offers a $269,364 tax cut, Obama would raise their taxes, on average, by $701,885 - a difference of nearly $1 million.

So some people feel that taxing the biggest corporations is fair, and that those who *can* pay more, *should* pay more. Period! And that having more money for the middle and working class will make them shop more and the economy will get healthier. Others feel it has a negative impact on the economy - to oversimplify again, when the rich are taxed more, they employ fewer people and have less salary to pay out which means even if the middle and working classes are taxed less, unemployment rises in the end and the economy suffers. BOTH candidates are in favor of putting more money in the hands of the middle and working classes. The question and difference between Obama and McCain is just how much $ that really is, and how much the truly wealthy have to pay as well.

What do you think? Write to us at info@urvotescount.com!

Still Not A Fan...

2008-08-15T08:58:00.003-05:00

But I simply love Alicia Keys.

This song, "Teenage Love Affair" has an EnVoguey vibe that I love. I think I'm actually going to buy the cd (download on the iPod and leave in the car). That brings my annual music purchases to three cds. Happy listening.

Like Magic

2008-08-06T08:30:00.004-05:00

Last night I finished reading Breaking Dawn. I am amazed by how much stuff was blazing through Stephanie Meyer's mind, and I am thrilled that she invested the time and strength into capturing it on page for my entertainment. So thrilled.

My thoughts? I was able to unravel most of what was happening before it happened, but there were still a few things that left me pleasantly surprised. My only qualm was that SM's writing lost a little of it's passion. That's not an accusation, only something I noticed because I've done it myself.

In Suds, the reader can probably see the parts of the story where I was completely involved in the emotional aspects of the story whereas somewhere down the line, there was more explaining than showing expression, passion, and emotion. Writing is hard work. It gets tiring, especially when there is a lot of information that needs to be shared with the reader.

In book one, SM wrote from passion because the characters were so real to her. In the following books, she had to weave in the plot twists with explanations which might have taken away from her ability to just fall in love with the piece. That's what frustrates me about editing sometimes, there's too much thinking involved, and that thinking can dilute the passion and emotion. (I don't state this to undermine the necessity of editing just how easy it is to feel torn and lose footing in the process. And then throw in publishing deadlines and busy schedules on top of that.)

The entire Twilight series is laced with raw emotion and suspense, but the first book is best. And here is the rub :o) If you read the first, you have to follow the characters through the end of the fourth book. The closure is an absolute necessity.

I loved this entire series, and I will definitely be reading Midnight Sun, Twilight from Edward's perspective. Edward's perspective is so much more entertaining, though I still love Bella. Read the first chapter for yourself.

BDBD Part 2

2008-08-05T09:28:00.003-05:00

So, I'm on roughly page 557 now (give or take a few pages).

The predictability has disappeared from the pages. I am extremely curious because something I never anticipated has happened, and I don't know what to think next. I know Bella's thoughts aren't in line with what's actually happening, but I don't know what's happening.

Again, I am drawn to the tale, willing the work hours to breeze by quickly so that I can pick up my book again. Roughly 200 more pages to go.

I HIGHLY recommend the Stephanie Meyer Twilight series. FIVE gold hearts :o)

Meanwhile, I don't know why I torture myself with reading this book on the train. The thirty minute ride feels like less than two minutes when I'm reading about lovely vampires and werewolves. Almost missed my stop again :o)

Breaking Down Breaking Dawn

2008-08-04T16:27:00.003-05:00

YAY!! The 4th and final book of the Twilight series belongs to me!! I spent Saturday afternoon and evening reading through the first 300 pages. On Sunday, I made time for the next 150 pages. Got through a few pages on the train and almost missed my stop :o)

I'm on page 463 of 754 pages, and here is my impression so far (without spoilers).

Of the four books, the first, Twilight, is my favorite. It was stuffed with consuming emotion that made it necessary for me to inhale it within a 24-hour period. The remaining books were good too, just not as good as the first.
I like Jacob more now, and his perspective had me cracking up laughing. He's funny.
As with some of the other books, there is so much explanation. Necessary explanation, but not all that captivating.
I think I already know how book four will end, but I'm still looking forward to reading it.
I'm not in a rush to get back to the book, but I also feel like I have to read it when I'm not doing anything pressing. So, there is definitely a draw.

I'll let you know how the last half of the book goes.

Toodles :o)

Suds - Season 1 FINALE

2008-07-22T12:06:00.003-05:00

[Did you miss getting all soapy with Suds?? SORRY I left you hanging for so long, but I'm pleased to announce that I finally wrapped up Season 1 with this uber long post. You might need a snack for this one...

Season Recap:
Leilah and Darien are beau and geau which makes Shantel a little nuts-o-crazo. Shantel's ex-beau Terrance has been duped by his ex-best friend Darien before, and now he's out for vengeance. Leilah's best friend Mira (and Shantel's soror) may or may not have contracted HIV from a 'personal friend.' And Leilah is the eldest of a struggling family including: 18 yr old sis in Chicago - Lalique, 16 yr old sis - Xeniyah (Zen), 15 yr old bro - Jack D. who has been in with the wrong crowd - 6 yr old twin bros, Ty and Tyler, and 2 yr old baby sis - Tutu. And to wrap the large package, mom is a heroin addict. Can we see why Leilah would rather not be bothered with Shantel's college games?

So, here's your soap fix, jump in :o) ]

~~

Jack D. stomped into the apartment, slamming the door behind him.

“What the heck is wrong with you,” Lalique spat. Her fingers twirled between Tutu’s soft hair, twisting and braiding her thick strands into two pig tails.

He stormed past her and into his room.
“Get out,” he screamed at the twins.
Ty and Tyler started; barely looking into Jack’s piercing eyes. They dropped their remote controls, and ran out of the room.

Jack locked the door behind them, and headed for the closet. The stomping sound from his Timberland boots was muffled by clothes littered across the aged hardwood floor as the music from the paused video game tinkered. Jack yanked open the sliding door forcing it off the hinge. He reached up to the back of the top shelf. His fingers grazed the edge of a box. He grabbed the edge, slowly pulling the unmarked box from the shelf.

Cradling the box in his hand, he backed down onto his twin sized bed. He glanced around the small room, making sure no one was on the twins’ bunk bed before he opened the lid. The bundled old t-shirt was wound into a lump. He carefully lifted it out and pushed the box aside. Jack glanced up at the door again to make sure it was locked, and then slowly unwound the material.

He swallowed hard when he saw the gun… his gun.
~~

Darien pushed open the student center door and stepped into the sunny afternoon. He shielded his eyes with a hand.

“Hey Darien.”He recognized the voice. “What’s up, Shantel?” His eyes squinted from the glare of the sun.

She smiled, sweetly, “That’s all I get? I don’t get a hug?”
“Uh…” He quickly tried to run through what she might be thinking.
“Darien,” she playfully scolded him. “I already know about you and Leilah, and I’m happy for you.”

Darien stared at her, confused by her sudden change of heart.
“Really, I am,” she grinned, “So, is everything going alright?”
“Uh yeah,” he answered. “Everything good with you?”
“Yes,” her eyes sparkled with delight. “I have so much to tell you, but I got to get to class. Maybe we can catch up later?” Shantel stepped forward and embraced him, tightly. “It’s so good to see you.”
He patted her back awkwardly and pulled away, glancing around for Leilah.

He noticed Shantel was still smiling, but the sweetness had turned sour and conniving.

~~

Jack folded his fingers around the handle, feeling the weight. Somehow it felt heavier with the bullets carefully lodged into place. The music from the video game grew louder. Jack glanced up at the frozen screen, and around the empty room. His fingers traced the gun, etching across the smooth and roughness.

He stood and aimed at the window, holding the gun sideways, his face rough and smooth like the gun. He rotated sideways, then vertically, held it with one hand, and then two. His hands felt heavy. Jack lowered the gun, staring at his reflection in the mirror. I ain’t nobody punk, he sneered, clenching his fist and fingering the trigger.

Jack stared at the reflection of his steely, hate-filled eyes in the window. Then, he saw his braids, the way they zig zagged, and draped down his neck. And he remembered what Darien said to him after church. “If you ever need anything, Lil D, no matter what it is, just hit me up.”

Jack D. pulled his phone from his pocket, and sat on the bed. He scrolled through the numbers until he found Darien’s number, and pressed the call button.
~~

Darien’s cell phone rang at the same time he was shoved into Shantel. The phone fell to the ground. Shantel braced him from falling.

“Terrance,” she yelled. “You don’t have any right. We are over.”
Darien regained his balance and turned to see Terrance charging toward him again.
“You messing with my girl again, chump?” Terrance snapped.
“Man, T, it ain’t even like that,” Darien corrected.
“Ain’t that what you said the last time when I caught you with Trina?” Terrance pushed Darien back again.
“I’m not about to do this with you T. I’m sorry about Trina, but I’m not on that. I swear I’m not messing with your girl.”

“That’s right,” Shantel screamed, rushing to Darien’s side. “I’m not your girl, and what we do is none of your business.”

Terrance’s anger flared and he charged at Darien, pushing Shantel out of the way.
Terrance swung.
Darien dodged and doubled back with jabs to Terrance’s ribs before weaving and connecting with his jaw.
The two traded blows, wrestling each other the ground.

Shantel smirked with satisfaction.

~~
No answer.

Jack flipped his phone shut and dropped it back into his pocket, leaning back on the bed. He wasn’t as angry as he was when he first heard the news. Jack rubbed his eyes, hoping to gouge out the image of his boy, Trayvon, getting jumped by twelve dudes.

Go visit him at the hospital.

Jack sat up and looked around the room. The door was locked. The TV was muted. But he heard the words playing in his mind. They weren’t his thoughts.

His cell phone rang, and he answered it before the second ring.

“Yo Darien ,” Jack answered, eagerly.
“Naw, it’s Mike. You ready?”
Jack winced, “Yeah.”
“Meet me at the spot and let’s go do this.”
“Alright.”

Jack closed his phone and looked at the gun. An image of Trayvon’s blackened eyes and swollen face flickered. He stood, and carefully slid the gun into the back of his pants, hiding it behind his shirt. He unlocked the bedroom door and walked out. He walked through the living, passing by his siblings with a scowl etched on his face.

Xeniyah rolled her eyes at him and said to the twins, “Ya’ll might as well go back in your room cause I’m not changing the channel.”
The boys hesitantly glanced up at Jack as he exited.

“Jacky,” Lalique called out before he closed the front door. His dark eyes settled on hers. “Please, don’t do anything stupid.”

His face hardened and he slammed the door.

Lalique smoothed Tutu’s hair into place.

~~
The loud, popping sound echoed through the house.
“Get down,” Lalique screamed covering Tutu’s body with her own. The twins huddled behind the love seat with Xeniyah.

More shots fired.
Tires squealed across the pavement.
And then it was silent.

Tutu cried.
Lalique clutched the toddler to her chest as she crawled across the room.
“Take her,” she said to Xeniyah.
“No, don’t leave me,” Tutu screamed.
“Baby, it’s okay. I’ll be right back.”

Tutu sobbed. Her shivering body huddled against Xeniyah’s hardening belly. The boys sat close, frozen, as they stared at the back of the chair.

Lalique crept across the floor to the window. The shots sounded close. She peered out of the blinds and saw that a crowd was already gathering. The late afternoon sun gleamed down on the shiny black hair of women who covered their mouths, screaming in shock. Guys rubbed their low cut fades, mumbling with wide eyes. They all kept glancing back and pointing at her house.

“No,” Lalique gasped as she jumped to her feet and ran out the front door.
Sirens blared in the distance.
Voices mumbled.
Wet eyes.
Blurry faces.
They all parted, clearing a path for her to see what she already knew.

Her eyes watered, raining down her cheeks as the final step confirmed what she feared the most. The shrill scream caught in her throat. She fell to her knees, and collapsed in a pool of her brother’s blood.

“Wake up, Jacky! Wake up!” She cradled his limp body, slapping his face.

Frantically, she listened for breathing, pressing her ear against his lips. “Jacky wake up! Somebody call an ambulance!” she yelled, oblivious to the cell phones already glued to ears in the crowd. “Jacky, NO!”

~~

Leilah gently smoothed through Mira’s silky hair. “I wish there was something I could do.”
“I’ll be fine,” Mira whispered. “Either way, I’ll be fine. Worse things could happen, right.”

Leilah’s cell phone rang. “It’s Lique,” she announced before answering.
“Hey Lique, can I call you back…”

Lalique yelled frantically into the phone. “What,” she gasped with disbelief, afraid of Lalique’s answer.

~~

“He got shot,” Lalique screamed through the phone at Leilah, “like a million times. There’s blood everywhere.”
“No cell phones,” the guy in white said to Lalique.
“Is he gonna make it?” Leilah asked.
“He’s not breathing.” Lalique rubbed her forehead.

“Miss,” the man in white said.
Lalique snapped. “Stop talking to me and make him breathe! Stop him from bleeding! Why you all up over here? I’m conscious, he not! Do your job!”
The man held her jittery eyes with calmness in his own. “Your cell phone makes it harder for me to help him.”

Lalique took a deep breath, and nodded. “I’ll call you when we get to the hospital.”
The calm, sad eyes thanked her, and returned their attention to her brother. Maybe, she thought. Maybe everything will be fine.

~~

Darien slid into his car, flexing his pulsating hand. His knuckles were bruised and bleeding. "I can't stand that girl," he yelled, wincing in pain and cupping his swollen jaw.

Calm down, he thought and took a deep breath.

The voice message reminder on his cell phone buzzed. He opened the phone and saw the missed call was from Jack.

~~

I wonder if this is what heaven looks like, Lalique thought as she stared down the long, white hallway.

His cell phone rang. She looked at it blankly, still covered in his blood.

“This is Darien. Can I talk to Jack?”
“Dead on arrival,” Lalique responded in a lifeless tone.
“What?”
“Dead. Shot. Gone. Never coming back.” She closed the phone and sat, staring at the long, white hallway.

[Suds is officially on break. Sadness makes me sad :o( I need time to recuperate. In the meantime, you can read Suds from the very beginning. I'll be editing previous posts during the break.]

My Heart

2008-07-21T12:40:00.002-05:00

I used to love a man so much that I called him my heart.

One night, I was on the phone with one of my girls and I referred to this man as my heart. Then my chest tightened, and words I had not thought of myself surfaced in my mind.

"I thought I was your heart."
He corrected me. I stopped mid-sentence and asked God for forgiveness.

Ever since that day, I have known, recognized, and acknowledged that God is and will always be my heart. In all matters, I consult with my heart because God is bigger.

Love 1 Cor. 13,
Makeda

Another Year

2008-07-15T08:24:00.003-05:00

I am now 28 years old. Somehow I managed to miss my goal of earning over six figures by my first quarter of life, but hey, stuff happens. :o)

So much stuff in fact that I may be moving to Miami (or Houston) sometime in 2009. My role at the company is changing (at my request), except I don't know exactly where it's going. It was described to me as "learning and building skills," and I'm all over that! My top strength is learning, and I am super geeked about the opportunity to find exactly where I fit in the company.

Meanwhile, the career change is a major move that God has been molding for a while now. I still don't know exactly where He's going, but I'm excited to follow. In November and December, I'll be working in the management office of one of our Chicago area malls. Sooooo stoked!!!!! After that, we'll have a better idea which direction to move my career toward.

My mom lives in Miami.

Soon, the boy and I might be living there too. :o) But I never really know with God. He just keeps telling me to Trust Him. I used to think it was so hard to trust God. Now, I think it's impossible not to.

Oh, and Miami is definitely my shade of lip gloss :o) Already found a couple apartments/town homes that I like in good school districts. I've been dreaming about the warm weather, and having my mommy back. And driving my Reddy Baby (the Jetta) around the town in my brights and curls. Sooooo geeked!!! I LOVE Miami!!!

I long for God's will above all else. I just need a lot of sunshine wherever He leads me.

Love 1 Cor. 13,
Makeda

At the Park

2008-07-12T09:37:00.004-05:00

There was a slight change of b-day plans. The boy and his dad joined me at the park instead of my bible and a chic book. And the park I envisioned was quiet and peaceful. This one was filled with children and laughter. Wasn't what I had in mind, but somehow the boy always gets what he wants on my birthday :o)

Anywho, I snapped this picture of the boy and his dad, and I thought it was a simply precious moment. I can't pinpoint why I like this photo so much. I just do.

There's something special about fathers and sons, and I guess I'm glad to see my son has something that I didn't.

The simple pleasures mean the most.

Good Morning Sunshine!!

2008-07-10T09:07:00.003-05:00

How's everyone out there in the blog-o-sphere today?

All is marvelous in my world.

Today, my hair story is posted over at Urban Curlz. Check it out. There are two pictures of my fan-tab-u-lous Keda-fro. Must see. I'm actually rockin the Keda-fro to work today with a cute little purple dress.

But tomorrow, for my birthday -- Happy Birthday to me! -- I'll probably do a sleek, wavy do. Yeah, something on the demure side. I think I'm going to chill with God at the park tomorrow. I'll take a blanket, my bible, some sort of chick book, and my journal and lay out with God. That sounds like a plan.

Anyway, that's all I have to say today.

Big kiss... Muuuaaah!!!

Story Time

2008-07-09T09:55:00.002-05:00

I went to Story Studio Chicago last night and took a class on "Making Magic."

Loved it!

I started a fantasy piece in the fall (2007) when I first started taking classes at Story Studio, and it is pretty good even though I never thought I'd be any good at writing fantasy. But to me, it doesn't feel like a fantasy piece, it's more romantic-like, and we all know that's my shade of lip gloss :o)

The piece is a romance novel laced in fantasy for the faithfully fabulous young woman.

It's a project that I can't wait to continue working on. I would get so caught up writing it that I couldn't breathe.

But first things first... finish editing Belle Linda!!!

My fans, i.e. my best girls, are anxiously awaiting book two of the Belle Linda series, and I've already teased them with the fantasy piece. So much to do, so little time.

Smooches!

The 'F' Bomb

2008-07-08T08:07:00.005-05:00

Yeah, I said it :o)

Actually my Pastor said it first, almost three years ago in his sermon about Forgiveness. So, consider it borrowed for the purpose of today's post.

Forgive... it almost feels like a curse word sometimes. I used to be right there with Peter. "And just how many times should we forgive... up to 7 times?"
And Jesus was like, "up to 77 times."
A shocked and dismayed me would respond, "Are you serious, God?"

I've always been good at holding a grudge. Perhaps a little too good. And even when I tried to forgive, I would have to forgive the same person for the same exact issue like a million times before it actually stuck. I can't even begin to count how many times I went back to God saying, "I thought I forgave so and so for doing this and that, but when I saw so and so, all I could see was red. Grrr." And then I would probably drop the real 'F' bomb. The bad one. And end up praying for forgiveness for my potty mouth -- which is unleashed every single time I am betrayed. (Note: I am very imperfect. I just try to be better, and my Father helps me. Trust me, this is not an overnight process.)

This brings me to another point. If we do not forgive, how can we expect our Father in heaven to forgive us? Teaching moment: When we are unable to forgive others because we are holding onto grudges, we block the forgiveness of our own sins.

For me, it wasn't that I didn't want to forgive. It was just so HARD to forgive. Memories would flow back into my mind and before I knew it, I was steaming, boiling hot with rage. So, after trying to forgive all the so an so(s) in my life with no real success, I got to the point where I was begging God to bless me with a forgiving heart.

After years of Forgiving and Failing, God blessed me with the ability to forgive instantly for one of the deepest hurts I have ever experienced. God held my heart tight and showed me why he allowed me to be hurt and betrayed. He showed me why He let lies linger in the dark. And then when He brought the truth to light, He held my heart tightly and blessed me with the ability to forgive.

I believe that my Father didn't want me to suffer through the pain of an unforgiving heart. He comforted me through a brief period of mourning, and now He is holding my hand and guiding me out of the mess.

I find myself wanting to be angry. I want to have a psychotic moment and burn down the world because a few people hurt me. How dare they... grrrr! LOL!! But I'm not angry, and I sure have no desire to take the psychotic route... again. (That's a whole other story). I'm hurt, but I understand. My heart aches, but God won't let it fall apart.

God is a trip. I don't have a trace of hatred in my fragile heart. Only Love. Oh my gosh, I almost missed this very important and fascinating point. God blessed me with the ability to love the people that hurt me, and pray for their well being. I prayed earnestly that these people were blessed by God, and that He spared them any overwhelming sorrow from hurting me. I know, right! Me, the grudge-keeper, actually prayed for the people that hurt me... actually asked God to bless them.

Forgiveness is truly a gift from God. And my Father gave me another gift. He has lined my heart with His Love. A love so perfect that even when I fall, trip, stumble, or am pushed, I know that He is right there holding and healing me. Awww I feel so warm and loved right now as I write this post.

God is amazing. And I pray that all of you have the ability to experience His perfect love.

And now I will show you the most excellent way...
Love 1 Corinthians 13,
Makeda

Flyleaf

2008-07-01T08:25:00.004-05:00

When there's nothing left to saym I just listen. Check out the Flyleaf video. It's one of my fave's.

Flyleaf "All Around Me" Lyrics

My hands are searching for you
My arms are outstretched towards you
I feel you on my fingertips
My tongue dances behind my lips for you

This fire rising through my being
Burning I'm not used to seeing you

I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

My hands float up above me
And you whisper you love me
And I begin to fade
Into our secret place

The music makes me sway
The angels singing say we are alone with you
I am alone and they are too with you

I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

And so I cry
The light is white
And I see you

I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

Take my hand
I give it to you
Now you own me
All I am
You said you would never leave me
I believe you
I believe

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healed

Loving Virtue

2008-06-29T23:26:00.002-05:00

Virtue is AMAZING!!!

This is by far my favorite cd. I've been listening to this album since 2006 and for me it has become a classic.

My favorite songs and why...
#12 - Holy - From the very beginning I just knew this song would hit my heart. No matter what I'm doing or who is in my car, when this song comes on, I feel God gripping my heart. LOVE THIS SONG!!!

#10 and 11 - Praises to You. For my blessings I'll give the praises to You. For my healing, I'll give the praises to You. From the tongue of my mouth, I'll praise only You, and for You I'll bow down with worship for you. Again I feel the music and melody connecting me to God, and it's not their voices, but my love that's being expressed to God. LOVE THIS SONG!!!

#7 Fall - And I've done this a million times. When God led me to practice abstinence (in spite of having a beau and a track record of screw ups) this song spoke to the guilt and the pain I felt each time I messed up. It would pick me up as I begged God to restore me, back to when I first believed, please fall again on me. I need you in the midnight hour. I need you Lord to give me power. I hear your voice so clear. Will you please draw me near? LOVE THIS SONG!!

#6? Thank You Jesus... for covering me with Your blood. Thank you Lord. Every single day I wake up. I lift my voice and jump up. Knowing it was no good of mine, but it was the Christ in my life. RECENTLY FELL IN LOVE WITH THIS ONE.

There are some other tracks on here that I don't listen to, but I'm not a huge fan of gospel. I love music that hits my heart, and that's why I love Virtue. :o) HIGHLY, HIGHLY RECOMMEND!

Preparation

2008-06-27T13:11:00.003-05:00

I just realized that God has been preparing me for this week for the past five years of my life.

I won't go into details because there's not enough blog space in the world for what I have to say :o) But I will say that God has shown me so much since I embraced him in the fall of 2002. I had no idea what He had in store for my life, but today, I am amazed.

In the spring of 2002, I was depressed and suicidal. I had low self esteem, and I needed other people to appreciate me in order to feel worthy. If something went wrong in my life, it was because I wasn't good enough, or pretty enough, or smart enough. So, I tiptoed through life needing to be loved and appreciated by others because I didn't have enough love for myself.

My heart was cold, and I needed others to warm it for me with their smiles, their friendship, their approval and understanding.

Ever since I clung to God, He wrapped His loving arms around me and held me so tight that I barely even recognize that lost and hurt 22 year old. I feel so sorry that her mind was warped for so many years, but I am so grateful that God stepped in and cleansed her, in a way that only He could.

I love Bibles. I have a pocket bible -- a cute one with a blossoming flower on the cover. I have a Spanish to English Bible because I've convinced myself that I will learn Spanish... soon :o) I also have a worship Bible, a Message Bible (which is amazing if you don't have one), an Everyday Life Bible, and my favorite because I'm a straight up NERD, my Archaeological Study Bible.

I love my Archaeological Bible because it has little inserts that show ancient artifacts and sort of connects the Bible to history. So, instead of thinking of Jerusalem as an imaginary place, the Bible shows photos of what an actual home looked like, or tombs. It was how God gripped my heart. He showed me that the Bible is a history book and not just a collection of stories. Don't get me started with the maps and the kingdoms along with my time lines... What a rush!! :o) I'm giddy just thinking about it, but I digress.

Back to the Bible. In 2006, God showed me the parable of the wise and foolish builders in Matthew 6:24-27. The wise builder hears God's word and puts it into practice, like those who build their homes on rock. The strong foundation does not allow the weather to make the house fall because it's foundation was built on rock. That's me.

The ex on the other hand was like the foolish builder who built his house on sand. When the rain started pouring, streams started rising, and the winds blew and beat against the house -- ie when times got rough -- his house fell with a great crash.

Rock - Follow the Word of God
Sand - Follow your own instincts (world) -- most of the time this is just like putting God on the back burner instead of at the forefront of our minds.

I wondered if Sand and Rock would ever be able to form a strong home.

So, I wrote a short prayer in the margins of that Bible (sometime between 2005 and 2006): Father, I pray that you will help him build his home on rock.

Only God can change a heart.

Back to the Bible, the footnote says "The Sea of Galilee served as a natural setting for this parable. The sand ringing the lake was rock hard during the hot summer. But a wise builder would dig down, as far as 10 feet below the surface sand to bedrock, knowing that this was the only way to erect a foundation able to withstand the winter rains, which were notoriously torrential and capable of causing disastrous flooding."

In Makeda language :o) Although the sand appeared solid -- good job, good person, committed, best intentions -- when seasons change, this all crashes down because the foundation was faulty from the start.

I love God because I've known this for years, and while I'm not sure if my prayer was answered, I can't say I'm surprised that the wind blew the house (our relationship) down.

Hope that makes sense because I gotta get my hair whipped now :o)

Love 1 Cor. 13,

Makeda

I feel like I should blog...

2008-06-26T08:20:00.005-05:00

But I don't know what to blog about.

This morning I sat next to a young lady who was reading book one of the Twilight series. She was on the last few pages, although the preceding pages seemed more than crisp. Hmmm... I wonder if she had just bought the book and flipped to the last pages for a preview.

So, of course I struck up a conversation being that we have similar taste in reading material. She was soft spoken, and I had no clue what she ways saying LOL!!! But I ended the conversation with "That's a very good book."
She said, "Have you read them all?"
"Yep," I nodded. "I can't wait for the fourth one, it's coming out next month."

Then my stop came and I told her goodbye.

The crazy thing is that I knew she was reading Twilight based on the size of the book, the font, the thickness of the pages, and the fact that she was so engrossed that she didn't realize her arm was touching me.

LOL!! Yes, I'm a brat. I have the audacity to ride public transportation and not want people to touch me, especially not men... grrr. I'm a little too aware of ulterior motives. I feel like, while riding public transportation, we should try our best to fit into the tiny space allotted to us. Isn't it enough that we're sharing the same air? I know, I know, I'm being a brat. Pray for me.

(Insert: While rereading the last paragraph, I noticed a tinge -- better yet a lot -- of bitterness in my tone. I'm not going to remove it because that's how I felt at the time, but I will apologize for being... spazzy? Is that a word? Anyway, my apologies. As you can see, my emotions are all over the charts, but that's no reason for my loyal two readers to feel bitterness radiate from the blog screen :o) I'm sorry and a lot on the imperfect side. Please forgive me.)

Anyway, I didn't mind her. She was such a sweetheart. I have a soft spot for genuinely nice people.

I silently wished that one day she would be reading one of my books, perhaps on the train. And maybe she would be so engrossed in the tale that she wouldn't notice that her arm grazed another stranger.

And how great would it be if that stranger glanced over and knew instantly from the curve of the letters, the thickness of the pages, and the lilt of each sentence that the book was written with love by Makeda.

I'm a sucka for love and happy endings. There goes that eternal optimism thing again. LOL!! :o)

Damaged

2008-06-25T09:36:00.005-05:00

Every so often, I like to take a hit song and personalize it to God and I.

Today’s song is “Damaged” by Danity Kane. Deep sigh… I just love DK :o)

Anywho, my heart is damaged, but I don’t look to another for a first aid kit. I go to God, and ask him to heal my heart. Look up.

Funny: I listened to Damaged on You Tube, and Diddy totally ministered to me LOL!! He was like, "some times you gotta go through the pain, to experience the joy. This too shall pass." And mind you, it actually hit me. God is hilarious. :o)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N40XabcrAk0

God, God does have a first aid kit handy.
God, God does know how to patch up a wound.
I know,
God, God, God, God is,
He is patient, understanding.
And He will take the time to clear the hole in my heart and I

I've tried every remedy But only He can work for me
Jesus, (Jesus) this situation's driving me crazy
And I really wanna be a lady (lady)

But the one before just left me so
Damaged, Damaged Damaged, Damaged
I think that I should let you know
That my heart is Damaged Damaged So Damaged So Damaged
And I can’t blame the one before

So how you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it (Father I gotta know what are you gonna do? (Jesus)
How you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it (Oh Lord I gotta know what are you gonna do?)
How you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it
How You gonna fix it, fix it, fix it

You, You do have a first aid kit handy.
You, You do know how to patch up my wound.
I know,
You, You, You, You are,
You are patient, understanding.
And You will take Your time to clear the hole in my heart and I

You've gone and gained my trust
You’re strength’s more than enough
Your actions speak louder than words
And You will show me something
My heart is missing some pieces
You’ll put this puzzle put together again

You will fix my h-e-a-r-t (Father please fix my heart don't you know it's damaged)
Cause it d-a-m-a-g-e-d
You will fix my h-e-a-r-t
I know
I know You are up for the challenge
Cause my heart was
My heart was Damaged, Damaged, Damaged

...But God is Bigger!

Oh Drama!!

2008-06-24T15:27:00.001-05:00

Insert violin playing here.

Drama is just not fun when you’re smack dab in the middle of it. I may never write again…

Yeah right :o)

We live, we learn, and we move on.

God is Bigger.
Smooches!!

Not that I'm complaining...

2008-06-21T10:00:00.000-05:00

But, you know how I’ve been in the ‘land of editing’ with Belle Linda? I’m having the hardest time focusing on anything else. I’m just so consumed with Belle, Tate, Chelsea, Tish and the rest of the ensemble that I have to force myself to do anything else.

I blogged earlier about being an obsessive reader, apparently I’m also an obsessive writer.

Not that I’m complaining, but surely you can see how this obsession creates a bit of a situation for Makeda Moore – Mommy, Senior Analyst, Teacher, Girlfriend -- to my girls, Girlfriend -- to my guy, Writer, and Founder of an online lifestyle magazine – still in the making.

Yes, it’s a mouthful, but at the end of the day:

“All I am is a nobody, telling somebody about Him.” Kierra “Kiki” Sheard

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XbYFCxMhz0Q

TGIF

2008-06-20T08:46:00.002-05:00

It's Friday!!!

I love Friday's. The prospect of two whole days of life on my own schedule is so liberating. :o) Thank God for Fridays.

Speaking of God, I've been reading to book of Matthew -- a little take away from that Let Them Eat Cake book I read. As I was reading Matthew on the train, I noticed a few little things about the temptation of Jesus like how God allowed Jesus to be tempted. And how the tempter waited forty days until Jesus was hungry to step in and do his thing. That night I studied The Temptation more closely and took notes.

Then I remembered how many other notebooks I had tucked away in my closet and on bookshelves. I have pages and pages of sermon notes, experience based lessons, me taking to God, and Him answering me back within a few pages scribbled everywhere. When I smooth my hands over the pages it feels like braille. I smiled and thanked God for journals.

Yes, thank God for journals and for Fridays :o)

Let Them Eat Cake

2008-06-09T12:29:00.002-05:00

I just read the cutest story about a girl suffering from cube-o-phobia and ‘God, can you help me out here?’ syndrome. The story was frosted with a love of French pastry and lots of recipes. There was even a delightful twist on the love interest front. And how could I not love a book that left me with little takeaways like:

Recipes – I categorized Let Them Eat Cake as a cookbook on my bookshelf.

and Scriptures – I love when books fill me up spiritually. I dog-eared a few pages with the intention of revisiting both the recipes and the scriptures.

And last but not least, the cover art with the Marie Antoinette effect leaves you wanting a bite of something frilly and sweet.

The boy and I had to make smooshy-wooshy, sticky-icky, ooey-gooey s’mores because he said, “Mommy, that book keeps making my brain hungry.” :o)

Four Gold Hearts.

Dreamer

2008-06-01T01:09:00.003-05:00

Sometimes I wish I didn't have such a futuristic mind. A lot of times, my dreams and ideas set my heart on fire. I become optimistic about the future and restless with the present. And then I delve into making that dream a reality.

But I've learned that the most painful thing about churning dreams is missing the precious moments in life. Time spent with family and friends. Time relaxing and enjoying the little things. Precious time.

Then when I focus on the precious moments, like the last three days, I feel as though I've cheated myself of dream building time.

Dreaming is exhausting.

Once, I asked God to make me normal, to stop constant ideas from popping into my mind. To stop me from striving and reaching. Then I realized that I was asking God to stop me from being me.

So at times when I become frustrated about balancing my dreams and my reality, I just thank God for being me, and pray that He will help me to become a better me.

I'm Awake!

2008-05-23T09:45:00.001-05:00

I saw Prince Caspian last night, and it was filled w spiritual truths. We ended up there because I asked God to show me a good present for the boyfirend’s 28th birthday.

I fought through traffic to get him cupcakes from Swirlz. Then I zipped back to my house fearing that the son (almost 5-years old) might need to use the bathroom.

Stopped at a red light, I saw a billboard for Prince Caspian. One of my teens that I have a Big Sister Little Sister type relationship with was eagerly awaiting the release of that movie. I made a mental note to have a movie date with my son on another night.

At my house, the smile on the boyfriend’s face was worth battling traffic. After we ate the cupcakes, I felt like we needed to do more, so we decided to see the movie.

Let me say that The Chronicles of Narnia Prince Caspian was an amazing movie, loaded to overflowing with Spiritual truths. Here are just a few that I noticed. If you need clarification on any, please ask because my mind is rambling with thoughts I might neglect to write.

The real world vs. Narnia
The Narnians are like those who have heard the word of God. (Luke 8:4-15).
The real world is where we (and Peter, Susan, Edmond and Lucy) live. The world where sometimes if we say, “God spoke to me,” others will think we are a little on the not-so-sane side. Can you imagine what it would be like is Lucy told someone in England that she knew Aslan, a talking lion?

Lucy believed in spite of everything, but she was afraid to go to Aslan alone.

The dwarf (DLF) had faith. He could not see or hear Aslan, but he moved forward in faith. Lucy’s actions and not her words slowly strengthened his belief.

Susan was still too withdrawn to believe. There’s a lot of Lucy in me, but also a desire to be withdrawn from everyone and everything like Susan.

Edmond was amazing! His confidence was that of truth and grace. The prodigal son. The thing about Edmond and many of us is that once we’ve gone the wrong way and have been saved by grace, our confidence rests in the truth and not in ourselves.

Peter was like so many of us. When it seems like nothing is happening, we take matters into our own hands, and end up making things worse.

Prince Caspian was from a long line of wrongdoers, but he was set apart because he believed in the truth. He was taught and he believed.

However, even believers are fallible. Oftentimes, we underestimate the forces of darkness. This dark lure can appear to be right. It edits the truth with rationality, and we become weak. Those of us who have not yet fallen believe it is because of our strong will power. But those of us who have fallen know first hand the power of the lure, and its effects on even the strongest. Edmond knew.

Fighting between Prince Caspian and King Peter is a lot like what happens in the church. We all belong to God through Christ, but even good soil will not bear fruit if not fertilized with the word of God. He is the vine and we are the braches. Our relationship with God directly affects our relationships with other Christians and non-Christians alike.

Peter believed in his abilities more that in Aslan returning to save them, but as Lucy reminded him, it was not Peter who defeated the white witch in the first place.

As Christians, we try to do things for God without his guidance. Sometimes we feel like God is taking too long to answer. And that allows room for the dark spiritual edits. We don’t realize the darkness because it’s usually wrapped around our innermost desires.

The purpose of the devil is to steal kill and destroy. John 10:10 Jesus came so that we may have life.

Wake up.
That’s what Lucy begged the trees to do, yet they remained lifeless (Please see the significance with Jesus coming so that we may have life).

In the garden of Gethsemane, Jesus asked his disciples to keep watch while he prayed. They kept falling asleep. The Bible says it us good for us to keep watch and wait for Jesus to return, but we keep falling asleep. We are sleeping because God gave us instructions to follow, just like Aslan told Lucy to come to him. She didn’t go because she was afraid to go against the crowd, but she knew in her heart that Aslan was calling her.

Jesus tells us to follow him, but we see the obstacles ahead. We think it’s impossible. But all things are possible through Christ Jesus who gives us strength.

When we wake up, we remember that life is not about doing what seems fun, life is the power of the Holy Spirit inside us to break free of strongholds, vices and addictions. Jesus came that we may have life.

There are so many more spiritual truths running through that movie. I left the theatre wide awake. My heart was unclouded and I was Lucy again. I wanted to be like Lucy. I wanted to believe in spite of everything and everyone else.

“Did you like to movie?” I asked the boyfriend.
“It was alright.”
“What? Alright? That thing was loaded with spiritual truths!”
“What?”
“You slept through that whole movie!”
Figuratively. Spiritually.

He was there with his eyes wide open, and yet he didn’t see or hear them.

I stared at him, amazed. He was good soil, hadn’t been fertilized in a while, but he was still good soil. Why couldn’t he see? I glanced away because I didn’t want to get all Bible-y on him, but less than a second later my heart spilled out of my mouth.

Every two seconds I thought of another spiritual truth and one by one, they poured in an excited flurry of fragments. And when I couldn’t think of anymore, my heart sang out to God in silent adoration.

As he left my house, I gave him a happy hug, and said, “This is the best birthday present I could have given you.”
“What the cupcakes?”
“No,” I groaned, slapping his arm. “Wake up!”
“Oh that,” he said, zipping his jacket. “I heard you, Baye. I’ve been listening.”

I may be getting the hang of this...

2008-05-22T08:45:00.004-05:00

I was up late editing last night, and boy did I get a deeper look into the "him" character of my first novel. :o) Before he was kind of vague. I guess he didn't open up to me as much as the other characters did, but over the past few days, my imaginary friend has just been letting it all out. I am so excited.

I may be getting the hang of this editing thing after all. I'm only into chapter three, but the story is so much "richer" than it was initially. Rich, LOL, that's a writer word. I like the way it sounds :o)

Anyway, I read several blogs for writers, and one of them pointed out that most query letters are rejected because the writer just isn't ready yet. When I read the comment, I didn't really understand it. I mean, how do you become ready? And in the process of getting ready, how do you know when you're finished getting ready? And are you ready enough to qualify whether or not you're ready?

Do you see how easily I can spin myself into confusion?

That's what I was like when I met with my writing coach. And even weeks after, editing was more painful than helpful.

But now it's all starting to make sense. The homework assignment from my WC, the blog advice, the Writing Descriptively book that I couldn't quite work into my piece before. And let's not forget the most important piece, I stepped back from my project, prayed, and asked God for guidance. It all makes sense now. I feel like I'm writing/editing with a whole new set of eyes.

This editing thing is actually the most helpful exercise since writing Belle Linda. YAY!

The Affairs of Men

2008-05-21T09:20:00.004-05:00

Very interesting article in the New York Magazine. It talks about the difficulties of monogamy in marriage. Tough topic. But I just took a personality test today that says I am a Brownie, and us Brownies are champions of underdogs, slayers of dragons, and tend to be very loyal. So, this brownie-loving girl has something to say, particularly about this quote in the article.

“I haven’t ever seen anyone who doesn’t deliver on every single demand their sexuality makes on them. We make the mistake of thinking some people have a stronger will, they don’t,” says a forward-thinking friend. “There is no more unnatural principle of social organization than sexual exclusivity.”

I despise controversial topics because arguing gives me a splitting headache, but let's go to the Bible because God's word is the period at the end of every sentence.

We all have sexual desires whether married or single, male or female. But is it wise to act on these desires?

"'Everything is permissible for me' -- but not everything is beneficial. 'Everything is permissible for me' -- but I will not be mastered by anything." 1 Cor. 6:12.

Acting on sexual desires is not always in our best interest. So, maybe we shouldn't. Simple enough, right?

This leads us to the statement about strong will power. The person who made the statement is actually correct to a certain degree because we all struggle with sin (Romans 7). So expecting a married person to be monogamous because of their strong will is like a set up for disaster. We all have moments where even though we love God and want to do his will, there is another part of us that wants to table God's will for our own desires.

Strong will doesn't keep us, God does. The only way to overcome our sin nature is to set our minds on what God desires (Romans 8). No small feat, but we have to wrap ourselves in His word. And I'll toss this out there. It helps to remove yourself from certain situations.

We have to trust that God knows what is best for us. (Proverbs 3:5-6) Our understanding can never surpass God's and he says, "No" to sex outside of marriage. Period. (Hebrews 13:4... I think the Message says it best for folks like me who needed to see it plain and simple before actually attempting to live it out).

That leads us to the marriage bed.
We can toss statistics about marriage failures all day long. But let's start at the very beginning.
Let's consider the foundations of these marriages... rock or sand? (Matthew 7:24-27)
Let's also consider the fertility of our hearts... path, rock, thorns or good soil? (Luke 8:4-15)

If the vast majority of us don't allow God to lead our lives, and guide us to make the right decisions, why are we surprised by the statistics?

Better yet, are the statistics a better gauge of how our lives should be lived?

Of course not. God is bigger.

Love 1 Cor. 13,
Makeda

Still Editing...

2008-05-20T12:21:00.002-05:00

Editing takes FOR-E-VER!!

But I must admit that my young adult work in progress, Belle Linda, is looking pretty lovely these days. In the process of combing through the draft, I've learned more about my characters and they've been moving and doing things they weren't doing before. But honestly, it's coming together beautifully. I'm glad I took the time off of my agent/publisher search to tweak my Belly project.

I'm so excited.

Special thanks to my writing coach, Kriste Peoples at Story Studio Chicago.

Big Kiss.... muuaaah!!

M-pressed by Staples

2008-05-15T16:04:00.013-05:00

M by Staples is a new line of stationary, notebooks, and folders for the professional group, and I am impressed. I was recently in one of those office products stores searching for a cute notebook, and left uninspired. But Staples is shaking things up a bit.

Just look at those journals. I can live without the stationary and folders, but journals, cute journals, are like a pair of Pumas in a long line of plain white canvas sneakers. They just pop.

I think I might stop in and get the pink one even though I'm not a big fan of patent leather. These journals are adorable.

I am so pleased to see that retailers are finally picking up on what Target (my love) and Borders (love the smell of stacked books) have known since forever. Why would anyone want to carry a regular notebook when they can have a much cuter one? Of course I know why, the price, but cute notebooks are like simple treasures.

I'm just happy more retailers are catching up on the trend, now I'll have more choices :o)

I always cry...

2008-05-14T22:59:00.003-05:00

during movies. The happy endings. The not so happy endings. And the ones that make me think.

Tonight's movie was Higher Learning. I haven't seen it since high school, and it reminds me a lot of the movie Crash. I bawled during both movies whenever there was even a hint that someone might die. Spoilers ahead :o)

I'm never good with death or broken hearts that aren't mended before the credits roll.

My right eye was the first to leak at the end of Higher Learning when Deja (Tyra Banks) was shot, and her boyfriend, Malik (Omar Epps) was trying to make his way back to her. Laurence Fishburne's character (the professor) held him back. Malik reached out to her. His gray hoodie was blotted in fresh blood, her blood. And I just exploded.

This reminded me of the scene in Crash where the little eight year old girl ran out of the house to help her daddy who was being held at gunpoint. She leaped into her dads arms at the exact same time that the gunman pulled the trigger. My heart stopped beating and tears streamed down my face in my boyfriend's grandmother's tiny family room. Never mind that there were at least ten people piddling around and chattering during the most heart wrenching scene I had ever witnessed. More important things were happening on screen. A sweet, innocent child was... not dead? Her dad and I were both shocked and relieved and ugh... I'm getting stressed out just thinking about this.

Anyway, I always cry.

Change of Heart

2008-05-12T22:36:00.004-05:00

I've just finished watching like three back to back episodes of The Hills and last week I saw a recent episode of Bad Girls Club. I must say I've had a change of heart on both counts.

Let's start with the Hills.
The Audrina, LO, Lauren situation seems like just a big fat misunderstanding. After reviewing the last few episodes (like the junkie that I am), I noticed that when Justin Bobby and Audrina become friendly again, Lauren and Lo were playfully concerned. As any friend would be. They joked around about whether or not his manners had improved (and his behavior seems to have improved... dramatically.) Here's where it gets sticky: Audrina (because she loves him) is more forgiving and hopeful about Justin's potential. The girls (Lo and Lauren) have seen first hand how, let's say, un-boyfriendly Justin behavior in the past. They are less inclined to believe he has changed. Learned this lesson the hard way myself. Thank God it wasn't televised. :o)

This causes Audrina to feel uncomfortable about bringing Justin around. And Lo and Lauren are not looking forward to a fourth roommate. Insert tension because now the girls can't talk about guys and relationships. Yes, I know the situation well. Been there, done that.

On top of that, Lo and Lauren have an established twelve year old friendship, and Audrina feels a little left out. Now, here is where that episode of Lo appearing inconsiderate comes in and plants itself on an already mounting pile of tension.

Audrina talks to Justin about her discomfort, and he suggests she move out. Here's where I get concerned. Audrina's potential loft, although adorable, is far removed. I hope she doesn't isolate herself completely from Lauren.

But whatever, live, learn, grow. One day they will be able to get past this bump. However, I did want to say that the situation appears to be a miscommunication, and not Lo wanting her best friend back (she had her all along). In that episode, I guess Lo wasn't really into watching bands record music, which isn't a crime. It's just sad that she hurt Audrina's feelings in the process.

And Bad Girls Club...
Cordelia grew!! I am so proud of her. Recap: Hannah started an argument with some girls at the club. Neveen laughed. Tanisha tried to stop the girls from getting rowdy. Something happened, and then Darlene lunged on the girl. Huge fight. Cops called. Tanisha goes to jail. Wait a minute, wasn't Tanisha trying to stop the fight? Yep, she was.

Anywho, enough about the fight. Tanisha was in jail for like two days. And Cordelia stepped up and made phone calls to solicit bail money. She visited Tanisha in jail. She helped take care of details that could only be handled from the outside. And it was just so nice to see this side of Cordelia. YAY!! There's hope.

The Twilight Series Continues...

2008-05-07T09:39:00.003-05:00

It’s almost here! It’s almost here! I’m so excited! It’s almost here!

Do you know what this is? Breaking Dawn, the fourth book of the Twilight Series written by Stephanie Meyer. All 704, hardcover bound pages are finally almost here!

Please tell me you know who Stephanie Meyer is… She’s only the best writer in fantasy, romance, and suspense all combined. This is the series where I swallowed all three ridiculously long books in one weekend. Some people like to read their books slowly and delight in the curve of every well placed word. That’s just not in my disposition. If I love it, consider it read. And, if I really love it (like the previous three books) I read them again, and again, and again.

For those of you who haven’t had the privilege of getting lost in the Twilight series, here’s a brief :o) rundown on the first three books:

Book 1 – Twilight: Ordinary Bella falls in love with a gorgeous 100 year old vampire, Edward, who is torn between loving her and tasting her blood – thereby ending her life. He chooses to love her. Good thing because she can’t live without him. Their chemistry is alluring and you just want them to live happily ever after, and then another vampire tries to kill her. This action packed, suspense filled, romantic-like novel is the most amazing book I have ever read… ever. (And no, I haven’t read the Harry Potter series. I’m having a hard time doubling back on the book after seeing so many of the movies.)

Book 2 – New Moon: This one I rushed through because what I really loved about Book 1 was the Bella-Edward connection. So when he left her and the Jacob (werewolf) character inserted himself as Bella’s “best friend,” I was a little more than annoyed. Grrr. I won’t spoil the tale, but somehow Bella and Edward reconnect, and all is right in the fantasy world again. Stephanie Meyer’s writing is so descriptive that you feel like you’re watching a movie. Yeah, its that good!

Book 3 – Eclipse: Remember the other vampire from book 1 that wanted to kill Bella. This chic must have the sweetest smelling blood in Forks, WA. :o) Anyway, his mate, Victoria, is out for revenge. The cat like, deadly vampire refuses to rest until frail Bella is dead. Why? Read book 1. Turns out Bella is like a vampire magnet because the quaint little town of Forks has a pack of blood thirsty vampires seeking her. Did I mention that the vampires and the werewolves don’t get along, and there’s also a disturbing love triangle between Bella, Edward and Jacob?

Drum roll please!
Book 4 – Breaking Dawn: Is it wrong for me to want Bella to FINALLY become a vampire in this book? The release date is Saturday, August 2nd. Oh my gosh, I need a moment. Breathe in, breath out, woo-saaa. And I’m back. Let me warn you in advance. I will not be answering phone calls or emails. I will prearrange for my little man, Trey, to spend the weekend with his dad or grandma. And, I will lock myself in my house until I finish reading this book. I predict two sleepless days and nights.

Can you tell I’m a lot obsessed? Keep your eyes open for the Twilight movie.

mark. cosmetics

2008-05-06T19:38:00.005-05:00

Avon has managed to find it's youth in the form of mark. cosmetics. Let's face it. No one really wants to shop at the same store as their moms and especially not their grandmas. I know this for a fact because even way back when I was in the 8th grade, my grandma would buy me the most detestable short suits. She called them adorable. I even had an "adorable" hairstyle to match. I'm still embarrassed by the memory. That's not to say the outfit was hideous, but it was... mature. Grandma would have looked great in the same short suit.

The same holds true in the fiercely competitive cosmetic market. Brands like Mary Kay and Avon have grown into respectable, quality lady products with a loyal following. But as the loyalists mature, these brands need to attract the younger subset or watch market share dwindle.

But, how do you get the granddaughter to wear her grandmother's short suit? Elementary my dear Watson, just reinvent the short suit. Make it shorter. Lose the shoulder pads. Please ditch the polyester. Plop it in the Forever 21 category -- fresh, new, and affordable, and drench it in publicity.

And that is how mark. was born. Insert satisfied sigh here.

Allow me to gush for a moment, the marketing behind mark. is pure genius. They signed It girl, Lauren Conrad from The Hills and Laguna Beach as their Spokesperson, putting them right in front of their target market -- the MTV generation -- via reality TV and Lauren's budding career in the fashion industry.

Then there's the packaging. Sleek. Attractive. Compact. Love it.

The Website - Has video clips of how to apply the makeup. I saw the short clip on Scandalash Mascara, and signed up to be a mark. girl in less than a day. And that's another thing, for just $20, a young lady with a keen eye for marketing can start her own business.

And that's how Avon found it's fountain of youth and it's way into my make-up bag.

Other brands I love:
Two Faced - Magic Wand Foundation - Love the packaging and the product inside
Dior The Show - Lashes beyond belief
Bare Minerals - Love this stuff

Love God, and my lashes. Big kiss... muuuaahh!

Oh Lo!

2008-05-05T23:00:00.002-05:00

I can’t believe LO – from the Hills – is being so insensitive to peace maker, Audrina. I must admit, I haven’t been watching the Hills as frequently this season. The last episode I saw was when Heidi dropped by the apartment to pick up her things. Back then, Lauren was not happy to hear about Heidi lingering in her pad.

Now, Audrina, LO and Lauren (LC) are housemates, except Audrina’s room is a removed little guest house. Personally, I think that’s an ideal roommate situation. And I think Audrina would have been cool with it if it weren’t for LO’s behavior.

LO did not miss an opportunity to roll her eyes and text message whenever Audrina made an effort to get back into the clique.

Insert therapist glasses: I think LO may be a little jealous about Audrina and Lauren’s relationship, and is attempting to drive a wedge between the two in order to reclaim her position as Lauren’s #1 bud. But that's just my guess.

Meanwhile, Justin Bobby cut his hair! He looks so responsible now :o) He suggested that Audrina consider moving out. And she's actually taking his suggestion into consideration.

But on the next episode, Audrina and Lauren finally talk.
A brings L to tears when she says, “I feel like Lo is the one pushing us apart.”
So sad, but true.

In other semi-reality TV news:
I’m half-watching Bad Girls Club, which I’ve been watching on and off since the season started. I enjoy when the girls actually have growing moments. I feel like there's hope. Most of all, I'm proud of Tanisha. She really wants to grow. Darlene seems like she wants to change, but deep down I think she's having trouble believe that it's possible. Hannah has so much potential, and even Neveen had a growth moment when she apologized to Cordelia. Can you feel the love? LOL!

However, the more I watch, the more I realize that Cordelia is manipulative. She gets pleasure out of watching people in pain. And I’m not so sure it’s something that she wants to change. I think she enjoys when she can get the pack to jump on one girl, especially when she's not the girl. I’ll stay tuned because I really want to see a redeeming quality glow through Cordelia. Maybe we'll see it together.

San Diego is BEAUTIFUL

2008-05-01T12:14:00.004-05:00

Although I didn't see much of the city - only drove through the Gaslamp District on my way to the Loews Coronado Bay Resort - it was still beautiful.

Let's start with the old school, blinged out, low riders I saw near the Gaslamp. The metallic paint glistened in the sunlight, and I whipped out my camera - like the tourist that I am - and took a picture. Hydraulics are so cool. :o) But not everyone agrees.

The suited lady seated beside me in the shuttle bus said, "Why would anyone do that? It's such a waste."

"Well, it's subjective," I answered flashing another picture of the posing couple in the glitzy green car. "They may love it the way someone else loves a fancy handbag."

"I guess," She answered with her nose still high in the air. She was a sweetheart though. One of those personalities that seem rigid and unfriendly, but they're actually really nice people if you can get past their short and stiff responses.

But back to my trip, we drove over to Coronado Island, and the hotel was gorgeous. That's where I spent the majority of my business trip where I was an esteemed speaker. Yes, I'm a real like working woman outside of my rants about imaginary characters and reality TV :o)

Anyway, I gave a one-hour presentation to a group of roughly fifty people on how our company uses research to make strategic decisions for our shopping malls. It went extremely well. Mostly because I trusted God to the point of sparing myself from the usual hysterics and neurosis that usually prelude public speaking. I got so many compliments, and was then interviewed, similar to a radio interview about my company.

I even won a Canon digital camera, top of the line :o) Very nice. All in all, I love San Diego, but even more, I love the person that God is molding me into. I'm just an empty vessel available for His use. I get dusty from time to time, but what God has cleaned, let no one call unclean. Acts 10.

Bridget Jones Diary

2008-04-25T23:21:00.003-05:00

Just played tonight on Bravo, and being the sap that I am, I just had to watch it. Cute. Adorable. Witty. Charming. Lovely. Absolutely lovely. Can you believe I've never seen it before?

Okay, I'm about to have a ditzy moment. I should be allowed every now and again. Was this movie some sort of play on Pride and Prejudice? You know with rude guy saying mean things about Brdget and then falling in love with her, and let's not forget that his name is Mr. Darcy. I'm guessing that it was.

Still it was adorable.

Favorite part: "He likes me just the way I am."
And her friends' response? They were speechless. It was adorable. My word of the day is adorable :o)

I'm so happy that I saw it.

In other news:
I dreamt about Suds last night. Uh-huh, I did. And to my two faithful fans out there in cyber world, I finally know how the season will end. :o) YAY!! So, expect to see the Season 1 Finale of Suds posted within the next week. I would post sooner, but I'll be in San Diego for work next week. Gotta pay the bills, and buy some cute clothes from my boutique :o)

Lost in a Book

2008-04-24T08:39:00.007-05:00

So, I'm reading the second book of the Sushi Series entitled, Only Uni. It's Christian chick-lit whose main characters are Asian. I'm already reading with an open mind because I really don't know any Asians, not that I'm opposed to,I just haven't met any. Okay that's not true, because there was Cynthia in college... an absolute sweetheart. And oh yeah, my girl Teh-ling. Love her! She's so funny. How could I forget about Teh-ling? Hmmm, and does my girl Vicky count? She's part Vietnamese and part Black. Anyway, I do have Asian friends :o) we just don't talk about culture a lot mostly because we seem so much alike. We have the same interests i.e. college, research, music, and Vicky and I even look alike :o)

But back to the point.

Only Uni is my current train reading book. That's where most of my books start out, on the train. However, it's not uncommon for my train reading book to turn into something that I have to read at every single free minute. And I have been up until 3:30 am on a work night saying, "just one more chapter" until I pass out from exhaustion. Can y0u tell I have an addictive reading personality?? Don't get all bent out of shape, it happens with the Bible too... sometimes... well not to the same extent. The Bible is different, I whip out my notebooks and pens and highlighters, and then end up creating a lesson plan for myself. It's actually pretty cool, but I digress.

Only Uni is pushing her way off the train, and into the office. Now this is bad, I just spent a half an hour at work with the book because I couldn't close the cover on Trish and her quest to become a good girl because she's not that good at it. :o)

Hmmm, what does that say about me? I appreciate books that show the struggles involved in being a Christian, and I love when the characters push through that struggle because God pulls them out. Yay God :o)

I'm in the middle of Chapter 12, and Only Uni is inching off the train (a solid indicator of a good book). And I'm curious about how drawn into I'll become as the story progresses. If it's a really really good book (to me), then I'll be compelled to stay up all night reading until I'm finished. :o) We shall see, although I have a feeling that I will. Remember me? Addictive reader.

Other books that jumped off the train and into late night reading were:
1.) The Twilight Series by Stephanie Meyer... I read all three of these 300+ page books in 3 days, and had the nerve to get irritated when I had to work instead of reading the last few pages. Can't wait for the movie. The passion and chemistry in these books are so intense that I can understand why Bella would fall for madly in love with a vampire. Five Gold Hearts
2.) Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen... Hilarious, Cute, Heartwarming, Timeless... Five Gold Hearts
3.) The Bluest Eye by Maya Angelou... It's funny how a story about such a different time can speak volumes to how we see ourselves today... Five Gold Hearts

Other books that I've read and finished with a frown
4.) Prep by Curtis Sittenfeld... I was discombobulated for days after reading this book. I was so mad at Lee. So mad at Curtis. Mad at the world because I was deprived of a happy ending. I was so mad, I called my girl to vent and she had the audacity to say, "It must have been a really good book if it got you so worked up." Four Gold Hearts. I'm still sour about the ending, but Lee was cute and hilarious.

Recently, I've also read:
5.) Wicked Lovely by Melissa Marr ... Very descriptive, neat and tidy ending. Actually felt like summer and winter while reading. Four Gold Hearts
6.) Good Girls by Laura Ruby ... A bit on the graphic side, but very honest. Heartwarming. Four Gold Hearts for tackling a tough subject.
7.) Secret Society Girl Series by Diana Peterfreund... Cute, witty, Fun. A lot of big words. I know authors aren't supposed to say that, but I found myself skimming over the $5 words. Although, the back cover descriptions make the book seem more menacing than it actually is. Still, I like it alot. Both books. Four Gold Hearts. I am anxiously awaiting book three :o)

And one more for measure:
8.) Oh yeah, Sushi for One by Camy Tang... Cute, funny. Train reading for three days and then became late night reading. I love reading about different cultures. Four Gold Hearts.

Now, I feel like digging out all of my books and rating them according to my personal taste.
I think I will :o)

Danity Kane on the brain.

2008-04-23T15:51:00.004-05:00

Surprisingly enough, I’m not the fanatic type. Very few artists can claim me as a fan, and I’m pretty certain that I am not anyone’s number one fan.

However, there are some artists that have my undying appreciation of their music including:

Fergie Ferg… LOVE HER.
Beyonce… Always in the cd player and on the iPod. And, my favorite two pairs of jeans are from the House of Dereon collection. They fit so well :o) Love Her!
Alicia Keys… I love her music, and I love that she is herself, no matter what. An admirable quality.
Vanessa Carlton… I really like Nolita Fairytale. Once on my list of favorites an artist has do to something extremely distasteful to be dropped.
Flyleaf… Lacey has the most amazing voice, and she’s using it to praise God.

And drum roll please…
Danity Kane!! I blast this cd everywhere I go.

Let me first say that I think Diddy is brilliant. The show gets the viewer so involved in the lives of the group that we feel like we know the members personally. We get to see their moments of happiness and even their hurts. We see when they make the band, and then we watch as they struggle to feel like part of the band. I'll never forget when Dawn said, "I'm just gonna be the 'ooh' girl. I'll never really be part of the group." Fast forward to now on the sophomore album, where we see the group excited about their song written by Dawn - one of my favorites - When the Lights Go Out. We get to watch them grow :o)

Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. We become so connected to not just the process of making the band, but the people in the band. That connection compels us to purchase the cd. More so, we listen to it with an encouraging ear instead of a critical one. I’ll say it one more time for measure… Brilliant.

So, I love my Danity Kane cd.

I just felt like saying that to someone :o)

Unplugged

2008-04-21T08:21:00.003-05:00

The Unplugged Teen Worship Service was a-maze-ing!!! Mi familia came out to support... awwww! My girl brought her teenage daughter and her friends out. There were parents and their teens in the audience. And one of my ridiculously shy guys spoke to me more in that one night than he had over the past year. It's always great when their personalities shine through.

But back to the service. We re-enacted the Lifehouse Everything Skit, and it was so powerful that the room was practically overflowing with tears... okay I'm exaggerating. But, the teens in the skit were struck by the struggle, the pain, and Jesus' desire to fight so hard to get us back.

I broke down the skit using hearts lined in darkness from sin, and pop culture references. It was a-maze-ing, and probably had the biggest impact of all our services to date. I knew from the start that it was God's desire for us to do this skit. I leaned on Him completely because being involved in ministry hasn't been the easiest part of my Christian journey.

I am so overwhelmed by what God did in that room, and in every last heart in that room. I love God.

"God is bigger than the air I breathe, the world we'll leave. God will save the day. Then all will sing, 'My glorious. My glorious." Glo, Delerious?

Season 1, Episode 30

2008-04-10T15:20:00.003-05:00

[Last time on Suds, Darien's dad gave him reason to wonder about his relationship with the lovely Leilah. And then, light years ago around episode 28, Shantel had another devious little plan in the works.

Meanwhile, Mira still hasn't been feeling too great. Let's check in on her.]

~~

Leilah jammed her emergency key into the door and twisted it open.

“Mira,” she called.
Groggily, a voice from the sofa answered, “What?”

Leilah closed the door and rushed to her friend’s side. She noticed that Mira's bed was stripped of it's covers before she tip toed around the sofa. Mira sat upright with her eyes were glued on Fresh Prince of Bel-Air reruns on the muted TV screen. Her cocoa brown skin was pale, and her disheveled hair was tucked into the thick, cotton bathrobe she wore.

Leilah sat next to Mira, and smoothed her hair. She blinked away a flashback of smoothing her mother's hair during one of her many withdrawl periods. Leilah remembered cleaning up vomit, and cradling the frail, shaking body of her mother in her arms. She remembered being yelled at, and kicked out of the room in bouts of anger. And then she took a deep breath and remembered Mira, instead.

“What’s wrong? I saw Sylus on my way to class. He said that you needed me.”
“There’s too much noise,” Mira whispered. “Too many voices. Laughing. Screaming. Too much.”

Her dead eyes remained fixed on the mid sized screen. Leilah looked over at the screen. A young Will Smith and Carlton were doing the 'jump on it' dance on stage. Mira didn't crack a smile even though it was her favorite episode.

“Why do you think we’re here,” Mira asked. “Why would God put us here if we’re only gonna die anyway?”
Leilah opened her mouth to answer, but didn't have one.

Mira's blood shot eyes met Leilah’s. A peaceful smile lifted the corners of her lips. “I’m going to die, Leilah.”
“You're going to die, " Leilah eyes bulged with astonishment. “Why would you ever say that?”
A breathy laugh escaped Mira’s lips, but didn’t reach her lifeless eyes. “I have HIV, that's why. I’m going to die sooner than you think.”

Leilah’s heart contracted. She felt every muscle in her body tense. HIV? Mira? No, that’s impossible.

Mira studied the expressions of denial on Leilah’s face: the anger laced with confusion, and scouring for logic in the illogical. Mira had felt the same until she accepted her fate.

“I thought it was a cruel joke,” Mira laughed. “God’s way of telling me my pants were too tight or something crazy like that.”

Leilah’s brain scrambled through possibilities, meeting a dead-end each time. “How? Who? When?”
“Sylus and a busted condom.”
“Sylus has HIV?” Leilah panicked.

Mira’s eyes flickered with a hint of compassion. She whispered, “He doesn’t know it yet.”

“Let’s just get tested. I’m sure that you’re not… I mean, you’re the safest person in the world. This isn’t the first time that a condom has broken. Come on, get some clothes on, we have to get tested.” Leilah stood, heading toward Mira's bedroom.

“Window period,” Mira murmured, returning her gaze to the silent screen, and sighed. “It’s possible to test a ‘false negative’ from three weeks up until six months after infection.”

Leilah stopped in the hallway, registering the information slowly. How could anyone go six months wondering if the were infected? “Well what about Sylus? If he gets tested then we’ll know if you’re... you know.”

Mira slouched deeper into the suede-like sofa. “He tested negative.”
Leilah sighed in relief. “That’s great! We don’t have anything to worry about, then!”
“It’s probably a false negative,” Mira said flatly. “They told him to come back in three months to be tested again.”

Leilah headed toward the computer next to the television“Maybe we can find statistics on three months after infection?”

Mira answered before she reached the computer. “It’s rare that someone will test a ‘false negative’ three months in. Usually there are detectable antibodies present at that point.”
“Okay, so you’re probably not infected.” Leilah winced at the word.

Mira looked at her friend as though she were an incredibly naïve child. “I said rarely, not impossible.” Mira gulped hard, feeling spastic. She clutched her chest, breathing deeply.

Tears formed puddles in Mira’s reddened eyes.
Leilah rushed to her side embracing Mira's body as it heaved, and her wails grew louder.

“Shhh,” Leilah whispered. “It’s going to be alright.”
“You don’t know that,” Mira wailed.
“There’s always hope.”

Season 1, Episode 29

2008-04-03T11:31:00.006-05:00

[Let’s get back to Suds: I always forget how relaxing a bath is until I spend way too much time taking quick showers. That’s what these weeks without Suds have been like for me: Ten minute showers, scrambling to get clothes on, and rushing out the door because chances are I’m late for something… again. But somehow a nice bubble bath sprinkled with chamomile bath salts in a Jacuzzi bath seems to make everything better. How sudsy is that?

Since we’re slowing things down, let’s indulge in another episode of Suds.]

~~
Darien plopped down on Leilah’s bare twin-sized bed after tossing the last box of her belongings onto the floor. She thought about poking fun at him, but her mind rambled from thoughts of providing for another child. Why did Zen have to go and get pregnant? She probably won’t finish high school now, and even if she does, she may not go to college. Leilah had been thinking about Xeniyah’s future for most of the drive back to campus. Her preoccupied mind didn’t register that Darien was also distant.
~~

Darien traced his fingers across his braids while staring up at the popcorn ceiling. Leilah should be cool now, he thought. He skipped class to help her move into her new dorm, two floors up in the same building. At least now I won’t have to worry about Shantel doing anything stupid, he thought.

There was only one thing troubling him. Darien had introduced Leilah to his father, and while the deacon laughed with Leilah and enjoyed conversing with her, he told Darien that he was ‘concerned.’

“Concerned about what?” Darien asked when Leilah was in the kitchen with his mother.
“Aren’t you supposed to be taking some time away from girls?” His dad asked shuffling down the stairs into the basement, his hideaway.
“I was, but there’s something about her. I feel a real connection to Leilah. Like this is the girl I’m going to marry.”

His father nodded and pressed his lips together as though trying to bite back words.
“This ain’t nothing like Shantel,” Darien reasoned, “I think I love her.”
Mr. Thompson loosened his tie, and stepped out of his church shoes. Darien followed him to the sofa of the dimly lit room.

Mr. Thompson sighed, “I’m not discrediting how you feel about Leilah, but you are getting into a close relationship with this girl…” He hesitated before turning to face his son, and then scratched his graying beard. “How are you going to avoid sleeping with her?”

“Oh, it’s cool,” Darien’s confidence beamed through as he sat back on the brown sofa. “She already knows about me and God.”
“Well let me ask you this. Do you know about her and God?”
Darien paused. “Not really, but she came to church. So there has to be something there.”
“See, that’s what I’m concerned about. It’s hard enough to follow God, especially when it comes to sex. You’ve been doing well and I’m proud of you because it takes a big man to follow God instead of his desires.”

Mr. Thompson clasped his hands together. Then squinted his eyes as he met his son’s gaze, “But what happens when you are weak spiritually? Is her relationship with God strong enough to keep you from sin? Or will you both get buried under the pressure of temptation?”

Darien rubbed his braids and looked away. His father nodded and reached for the remote control. He flicked on the television and allowed his son to consider his words of wisdom.

The entire drive back to campus, Darien thought about Leilah and God. He wondered if he could be a positive influence and teach her how to deepen her relationship with God. Another part of him feared that he would sink in his efforts to hold onto her. I’ll just have to be strong enough for the both of us, he thought. God wouldn’t send me the right girl if she was wrong for me. And he prayed for strength.

[Stay tuned: Another bubble is always about to burst on Suds]

Editing Woes

2008-03-31T23:30:00.003-05:00

So, I've been editing Chapter 1 of my novel Belle Linda. And, I can't believe that I ever thought it was finished. Editing feels like the Never Ending Story, which I was in love with years and years ago. But back to editing. I've spent hours on this chapter (1), and I still have at least 25 more chapters left to edit. Oh My Gosh!!! Who would have thought that so much went into writing a book... a future best selling book :o)

I even received lots of insight from my writing coach, and homework too. I'll work on it on the train tomorrow.

Anyway, I'm pooped. Buenas Noches!

Ahhh... Young Love

2008-03-28T20:18:00.002-05:00

It's so beautifully reckless :o)

So, I'm watching Keeping Up With the Kardashians. The show follows the life of Kim Kardashian, who was Paris Hilton's club buddy for a while, and her family. Did you know she was Brody Jenner from The Hill's half brother(ish)?

Anyway, her other brother, Rob, has an exclusive girlfriend, Adrienne (Spelling?) from the Cheetah Girls. She is a cutie pie, a sweetie pie, and she is just real. We like her. Anyway, he is so gone over her, and she is so in love with him. It's ADORABLE!!!

At airtime, they had been dating for three months, she taught him how to do his own laundry, and he tattooed her name - first and last - on his torso. This is the reckless part :o)

It's like she brought him back to life after the death of his father - Beautiful Part.

And now, she's leaving. She's going to India for three months to film Cheetah Girls 3. Poor Robby was in tears because Sweetie Pie was taking his heart overseas and leaving his body behind.

Ready for more reckless? He takes her to the airport and says, "Don't go." Remind you of anyone? ie Lauren from The Hills when she turned down Paris for Jason? Not really because Adrienne switched her phone plan to Global, and said goodbye to her young love. My heart was aching just watching his eyes tear as they parted. But it was nothing like the Evelyn and Brooke Titanic-like farewell on Real World/Road Rules The Gauntlet :o)

Beautiful - She fills the void left behind from the death of his dad.

Reckless - He feels like his world will collapse because they've spent every minute of the last three months together, and now he has to go cold turkey.

Beautiful - His sisters assured him that she he will survive the next three months. And then they bought him a ticket to India. Rob was so happy :o) Ah... young love.

Reality TV Moments of the Week

2008-03-26T22:54:00.005-05:00

Here's how I spend my free time.

Real Housewives of Manhattan - This show seems promising. The ladies are overly into status and wealth. I find the married couple with the son named Francois absolutely hilarious. They are all about 'connecting' with influential people. I think I like the brunette the most, but I've only invested my time into one episode of this show. So, I don't have know the character names yet. However, I find it entertaining.

America's Best Dance Crew - Trey puts on his sunglasses and dances his heart out when this show comes on. I loved Kaba Modern and was really sad to see them go. I'm happy to see Status Quo made it to the final two, but in the end, something will be terribly wrong in the world if the Jobbawokeez (spelling?) don't win. They are amazing. I actually texted in my vote for them :o)

The Hills - Oh how I missed the Hills. Lauren and Whitney were in Paris. Brody had a new girlfriend in less than a week... Really Brody? Lauren was hurt and found a rebound in the form of some guitar playing dude with an accent. I almost died laughing when Lauren made the decision to wear her ball gown to a smokey nightclub the night before the ball. Of course the dress got ruined, but she got another one and all is right in the world again.

Bad Girls Club - I don't know why I watch this show. I can actually feel my brain cells dying, and still I watch. But every once in a while, the Bad Girls surprise me. This week's surprising moment was when Hannah and Tanisha lovingly confronted Neveen about calling people fat and saying the most hurtful things in the heat of the moment. Of course Neveen was in denial, but as the episode went on, she actually ended up apologizing to Cordelia for calling her some not so nice things. This was a breakthrough moment people! Neveen actually apologized to Cordelia. There may be some positive in the show after all.

Flavor of Love 3 - Sorry to say, I have yet to find any positive in Flavor Flave's show, but still, I watch. The most memorable moment was when Flave held Shy's hands in his and told her that her breath was stinky... in front of everyone. But Shy took the diss like a champ. It didn't even seem like her feelings were hurt. She accepted what was said and moved on. She even went to the dentist and found out it would cost almost as much as a Cadillac to fix her teeth... ouch. I suppose all is fair in Flavor-filled Love.

Oh My Blog!

2008-03-19T23:50:00.003-05:00

I missed you so much my dear sweet blog!! It doesn't matter if people never read the words that develop from my love affair with the keyboard. All that matters it that it's there, for me, and whom ever else cares to see.

Okay, so I'm over my dramatic moment, but man, I really missed my blog. I'm not ready to start posting Suds again yet, but I couldn't bare to staying away. SO, here's what I've been up to.

1. Saturday, my brother got married to my girl, Gpher!!! I considered him a flight risk up until the big "I do." But God must have really done something with his heart because he's completely enamored with his wife, the way it should be :o)

2. I taught the teens on Sunday, and I'm pleased to say that the lesson, which the Holy Spirit poured into me was great!!! It was entitled, "Music Makes Me Lose Control... or does it?" We talked about how music can affect our actions, and how we should be more conscious of what we listen to when we're sensitive to certain subjects. I also filed my taxes. Don't want to upset Uncle Sam.

3. Monday I took my mommy back to the airport so she could fly home to Miami. I miss her already.

4. Tuesday, I was at the church working on the Lifehouse Everything Skit with the teens for our Unplugged Teen Worship Service.

5. Today, I was summoned to attend the family reunion planning meeting -- my boyfriend's family. They keep calling me his wife, and I keep correcting them with my unbanded ring finger on the left hand. Anywho, I finished typing up the program for them before I left the meeting. SO, that's one less thing I have to do this week.

6. Tonight I'm working on edits from my writing coach for my novel Belle Linda. I'm so excited!! We're meeting on Saturday to discuss her thoughts and findings. It's weird, sometimes I love the manuscript, and other times I'm down right dejected. Today, I'm in love with my Baby Belle!

And that's it.

Love 1 Cor. 13,
Makeda

55 Degrees and Sunny

2008-03-13T23:50:00.003-05:00

I'm so happy! The sun was shining today. Of course, my eyes are sensitive to the bright light after the long winter, but it was just so pretty. There was even a moment when I was standing by the window at work, and when turned to face the sun with my eyes closed, it felt like I was in Miami :o)

In other LOVELY news, my big brother is getting married on Saturday. I just returned from the rehearsal, and it was the most precious thing to see him excited about his bride. Mario, that's his name, used to be against marriage. He considered it as just a piece of paper, but G-O-D has been working on his H-E-A-R-T. I can't wait to see what our heavenly father does in his heart next.

Finally, I must confess that my hectic schedule is finally catching up to me. I'm having trouble staying true to daily episode commitment :o( Sorry to disappoint, but I will close the season out as soon as my schedule (and creativity) permits. As of now, I'm pooped. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

Love 1 Cor. 13,
Makeda

Suds - Season 1, Episode 28

2008-03-12T23:44:00.001-05:00

… a mini soap opera that bubbles with Love & Drama

[Last time on Suds, Mira and Sylus were becoming friends again, or maybe not. I’m not sure exactly what’s going on there, but I do know that Sylus tested negative for HIV. On the other hand, he was told he had to return for a more conclusive test in three months.

Meanwhile back in Chicago, Leilah’s seemingly perfect new beau, Darien, invited her entire family to church. Her fifteen year old brother, Jack D., and Darien became fast friends which couldn’t have happened at a better time considering Jack D.’s poor choice in income generating activities. But the show stopper in the sanctuary was the big news about Leilah’s sixteen year old sister being with child. Get ready, get set, get Suds…]

“She’s pregnant,” Leilah hissed. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Lalique whispered, “You had that big test coming up. Besides, I was waiting for you to be in a peaceful place.” She gestured at the altar. “This is about as peaceful as places get.”
“She’s pregnant!” Leilah leaned forward, craning her neck to study her baby sister.

Zen clutched her midsection and averted her tear-filled eyes.

“How is she pregnant,” Leilah scowled.
“Well, sometimes when a guy and a girl…”
Leilah smacked Lalique’s thigh.
“Owww,” Lalique hissed rubbing her stinging thigh. “Would you stop? That girl is faster than all of Nascar. Are you really that surprised?”
“You think this is funny?” Leilah snapped.

Aunt Lisa leaned her head back signaling for Leilah’s attention.
Leilah rolled her eyes, but sat forward in her pew until she was close enough to hear the stern whisper.

“Drop it. We will talk about it at home,” Aunt Leilah said.
Leilah huffed as she sat back in her seat.

~~

Terrance joked with Jermaine as they walked through the student center.

“It’s about time you got of lockdown,” Jermaine teased, scanning the dining tables for familiar faces.
“Yeah, whatever,” he replied with a smile.

Just then Shantel clicked down the wide hallway in a pair of brown high heel boots and fitted fuchsia dress. Her smooth hair was swept up into an up do with frayed bangs.

Terrance inhaled her presence as she stomped past them without a glance. He turned to watch her walk away. He stared until the sound of her heels grew faint.

Jermaine punched him in the arm, “Come on man. That girl got you whipped.”

Terrance walked away, but Shantel continued traipsing through his mind.

~~

Shantel pushed the doors of the student center open, and stepped out into the warm spring air.

Jerk, she thought. I almost forgot about him. What am I going to do? She walked around the bend, through another building, and was back outside again. I could date Jermaine. Shantel giggled at the thought of Terrance glaring at her in Jermaine’s arms. No, she reasoned, putting up with Jermaine’s childish ways would be punishment for me. I need to rip Terrance’s heart out of his flabby chest.

Shantel walked along the path to class, and then stopped.
“That’s it,” she squealed with excitement. “That’s it, that’s it, that’s it.”

She swirled around and headed back to the student center. I hope he’s still there.

[Stay tuned: Hmmm, what is Shantel up to now? Find out tomorrow on Suds.]

I LOVE when things come together...

2008-03-12T08:08:00.004-05:00

Yesterday was a LONG day, but it ended with a bang. We're pulling together an Unplugged worship service for the teens, and re-enacting the Lifehouse Everything Skit -- The original video clip is on the bottom left corner of my blog page. You'll need sound to hear it.

Anywho, last night's rehearsal was amazing! I had some serious doubts about this Unplugged Service because I took an extended break from ministry, and let's just say that the big D-word (Discouraged) has been coming up a lot. Not to mention that the original skit was sooo captivating that I had doubts as to whether we could pull it of. But my kids are digging into their silent roles and everything is molding together. God is reminding me once again that He is bigger.

Love 1 Cor. 13,
Makeda

P.S. Tune in later tonight -- primetime... LOL!! -- for a fresh new episode of SUDS. You know you want to :o)

Suds - Season 1, Episode 27

2008-03-11T01:20:00.004-05:00

… a mini soap opera that bubbles with Love & Drama

[Last time on Suds… Let’s start at the very beginning, shall we? Shantel is stunning, neurotic, conniving and needy. She barely talks to her roommate, Leilah – who could care less about Shantel because she’s busy working two jobs to help take care of her six younger siblings. Leilah also has a mother who is an on again-off again drug addict, and a grandmother with dementia. Can we see why Leilah doesn’t think twice about Shantel’s superior air?

Well, Shantel started caring about Leilah when her man, Terrance, gave the weary roommate a much closer look. And Shantel literally flipped out when she witnessed her ex-boyfriend slash her heart's true desire, Darien, kissing Leilah. Dum, dum, dum.

That’s not all folks, Leilah’s best friend, Mira, is like the walking dead because she may or may not have contracted HIV from her special friend, Sylus. And in the midst of her crisis, her presence was required at a mandatory sorority meeting where Shantel lead her sisters to believe that Leilah clobbered her with a two by four.

But we know better than to believe this tall tale because Leilah was actually headed to Chicago with Darien for the weekend, and not playing Babe Ruth with Shantel’s forehead.

Wow, 29 episodes, recapped in four paragraphs. Keep up because there are only four more episodes left.]

Darien’s fingers smoothed over her palm, tracing over the lines like brail before locking firmly between her fingers. He gripped her hand tight.
“I missed you,” he said.
“I missed you too,” she answered.

Leilah rested her head on his shoulder.

~~

Sylus cradled Mira’s body against his own as he walked her to her apartment, and although she willed her legs to support her weight, they wouldn’t.

At her front door, he guided the keys in her shaking hands into the key hole, and locked the door behind them when they stepped inside the apartment.

Mira sank onto the sofa, burying her face into her hands. Breathe, just breathe, she coached herself silently.

Sylus stood beside the sofa and looked down the hallway to her bedroom. The bed was bare, stripped of all coverings. He hung his head and sat next to Mira.

“I got tested,” he said.
Breath, Mira, just breathe.
“Negative.”
She didn’t move. Breathe, Mira.
“They told me to come back in three months. Supposedly it’s still a chance I could be infected.”
Breathe.
“I wasn’t gon tell you at first, but you should know.” Sylus massaged his temples. “This is nerve-wrecking.” He looked over at Mira. She hadn’t moved. He could only hear her inhale and exhale, deeply. “You need me to get you something?”

She shook her head.

“Alright then, I’ll catch you later.”
“No,” she gasped, grabbing his arm. Her big eyes pooled with tears. Mira wanted to feel relieved, but the looming possibility had her at the edge of sanity. Please don’t leave me, she thought. She opened her mouth to speak, and closed it again. She released his arm and hid her face in her hands.

She heard his boots walking toward the door. Dishes clanked. Water rushed. The faucet squeezed shut, and the boots clunked across the aged hardwood floors again. The couch groaned under his weight.

“Here,” he said and handed her a glass of water.

Mira’s shaking hands reached for the glass. Sylus helped guide the glass to her lips, and then rested it on the wooden coffee table.

She leaned back on the couch, waiting for him to leave.
Sylus bent over, untied his laces, and slid his feet out of his boots. He moved them to the side, and sat back next to Mira.

“I’ll stay as long as you need me to,” he said.

Grateful tears tricked down her cheeks.
~~

“I can’t believe you invited me to church, and you won’t even sit with me.”
“Come upstairs, you can watch me in action with the teens,” Darien said.
“Why, so I can have a group of lil girls rolling their eyes at me because I’m with their crush?” Leilah teased.
“It ain’t even like that,” Darien laughed.
“Maybe next time.”
Darien wrapped Leilah into a tight hug. “I’ll meet you right here after church.”

The stained glass windows and confessionals in the sanctuary were reminiscent of a Catholic church. She searched the large room with her eyes until she saw Lalique waving at her from a pew exactly in the middle of the room. Aunt Lisa sat one pew ahead with TuTu and the twin boys sitting next to her, while Xeniyah sat all the way at the end of their row.

“Why is she sitting over there,” Leilah asked Lalique as the choir sang.
Lalique flipped through the bulletin. “She wanted some space.”
“We should have made her go upstairs with the other teenagers. She’s sixteen, she should be around other teens, and Jacky is up there too. She might like it.”
Lalique shrugged, and clapped along with the singing choir.

~~

Leilah paid close attention to Lalique during the service. She took notes, laughed and nodded along with the pastor a several times. Then Leilah glanced over at Xeniyah. The lethargic expression on her little sister’s face overpowered all signs of life.

“Zen looks sickly.” Leilah whispered to Lalique when the collection plate passed them. “She might need to go to the doctor.”
Lalique slid her tongue across her bottom lip. “I already took her.”
“Is it some kind of virus?” Leilah asked wrinkling her nose at the thought of feverish chills trickling through the house.

“Not quite.” Lalique scratched her head, shifting uncomfortably in her seat, and hooked her right leg over the left. She fixed her eyes on the announcements scrolling on the plasma screen. Lalique gathered a deep breath, and said, “She’s pregnant.”

“What?” Leilah’s scream echoed. Every pair of eyes in the sanctuary scrutinized her bewildered expression. Her own eyes bounced from and embarrassed Lalique to a shamed Xeniyah, and back to the altar.

[Stay tuned: I’m speechless. SO, if you have any thoughts feel free to post them.]

Fiesta Fiesta!!

2008-03-09T13:16:00.003-05:00

I've arrived at the CWO / 5 Minutes for Mom Blog Party fashionably late, but I'm here nonetheless. Did you miss me?

Anywho, you're invited to soak up some soap Suds via my mini-online Soap Opera called... what else... Suds. Love and Drama never looked so good. The Reading Directions on the left will help you jump right into the bubble bath. :o)

Feel free to drop me a note. Enjoy the party!!

Love 1 Cor. 13,
Makeda

Makeda Barbie

2008-03-07T12:59:00.003-06:00

Yes, I want one! I spent an insane amount of time googling Mattel because I really want a Makeda Barbie... for my 30th birthday. I would even buy her a dreamhouse. I'm tearing :o)

SM [Sane Makeda]: Okay, rewind, what are you talking about?
IM [Insane Makeda]: Please keep up. Remember on Life in the Fab Lane, Kimora Lee Simmon's reality TV show? Anywho, Mattel made a Kimora Barbie that was absolutely adorable. She had the fur coat and the dog, and the round cheeks. She was basically a mini-Kimora, which by the way costs $54. And if you saw that episode, you'd know the Barbie is high end because Kimora had no designs on choosing between her dog and her fur.

Journey back to the early 90s, and feel my pain. I wanted the Barbie dream house with the working lights so bad, it hurt. I circled it in the Sears catalog with three stars for emphasis, pointed it out to my mother, and dog-eared the page to ensure she remembered. Can you believe she actually ordered my Barbie dream house that Christmas? Now, can you believe they were sold out, and Sears only sent me the lights.

I carefully opened the box, pulling the chandelier, the floor lamps, and I think two other lighting fixtures from the box. They looked like crystan and gold. Then I opened the door on our wooden coffee table, aka Barbie's house, and decorated the old apartment with the designer lighting.

I never got the dream house, but I was able to imagine my Barbies shining the prettiest lights on the most dismal situation. I took care of those lights as though they were made of precious metal, they were special to me.

And now, I want a Makeda Barbie with a dream house. She would have kinky curly hair like mine and wear gold hoops and bangles. She would have round cheeks and brown skin. She would be a comfy-cute chic just like me. I can already see her...

Hmmm... I feel like there is a moral in this story, and the teacher inside me is begging to pull it out: Sometimes we don't get exactly what we want, but as important as it may seem, it isn't. The more important thing is how we receive our gifts. Do we pout, or do we praise?

Ain't that about something? I can't even finish a blog without God checking me. So, here's what I learned in the 15 minutes it took me to post this blog. As much as I want a Makeda Barbie for my 30th birthday, I would be more than happy with whatever my Father chooses to give me. Why pout when I can praise?

Love 1 Cor. 13,
Makeda

Suds – Season 1, Episode 26

2008-03-07T01:03:00.003-06:00

… a mini soap opera that bubbles with Love & Drama

[Last time on Suds... Mira left Shantel’s room the same way all real emotion escaped her body. She walked across campus until she reached the clinic and found Sylus, the source of her anguish, leaving the building.

Meanwhile, back in the Chi, Leilah learned from Lalique that her fifteen year old brother, draped in all the latest designer duds, was rolling with the wrong crowd. You know ‘bad company corrupts good character.’ Let’s see how Leilah handles her reality check after stepping out of Car 9 (Get it – Cloud 9) with Darien …]

The long two-story building was once her favorite place. She handed out condoms, taught the importance of safe sex, and counseled those who tested positive for HIV. ‘It’s not the end of your life,’ she would say. ‘People are living long, healthy lives even with HIV.’ The assuring phrase she often used felt more like the last nail being hammered into her coffin.

Mira gulped hard and forced her feet to move up the stairs. The door opened less than five feet away.

She looked up and saw Sylus.

~~
A tornado of emotions twisted through Mira as Sylus stood before her. Still and expressionless, she examined his movements searching for evidence of her greatest fear. His jaw twitched and tightened as though he was straining to bite back words. His steely eyes were empty of affection.

Minutes passed in silence. Sylus pulled his keys from his pocket, and walked around her. Mira watched him until he disappeared around the corner. Her head spun. She inhaled deeply, gasping for air. Not again, she thought, rushing to the stairs where she collapsed. Her palms grated against the concrete as she pushed her weight onto her knees, sucking for air. Why is this happening to me? The panic attacks hit her often like birth pains.

Centering her energy on breathing, Mira knelt with her face toward the sky, shoving away all feelings of despair.

~~

Lalique celebrated her birthday with her friends, Leilah put the twin boys to sleep in the bottom bunk of the boys’ room, and she lay on the sofa with TuTu asleep on her chest.

She flipped her cell phone open.
“I told him to be back by ten,” she groaned as she struggled to sit up with the chubby girl.

Leilah carried her baby sister to the girls’ room.

“Why are you on my bed,” she asked Xeniyah as she placed the youngest on the bottom bunk.
“This my bed when you ain’t here,” Xeniyah complained. “TuTu be wetting the bed.”
“I thought Lique slept here when I was gone,” she said sitting next to Xeniyah on the twin sized bed.
“Naw, she sleep on the top bunk.” Xeniyah snuggled under a thick comforter.

“Aren’t you hot, Zen?”
“Uh uh, I got the chills or something.”
Leilah pressed her hand against the sixteen year old’s forehead. “You don’t feel warm.”
“I know, but I can’t stop shivering.” The bed vibrated as her teeth chattered.
“Poor baby. Do you want some juice or something?”
“Naw, I just want to go to sleep.”

Lelilah closed the bedroom door, and paced across the living room. 10:05, she thought, I am going to kill him. Dialing his cell phone number, she yanked open the blinds, searching the area for Jack D.

“I’m here,” he said.
“I must be blind because I don’t see you.” She scanned the area again from their second floor apartment.

He stepped back from the front porch into her eye sight.
Leilah breathed a sigh of relief, “Did you lose your key?”
“Naw, I’m out her talking to your boy, D.”
“Who is D?”

Jack D glanced toward the front stoop, but the awning blocked her view of the person. Darien stepped out of the shadows, and waved. Leilah panicked, snapped the blinds shut, and crouched down, hiding. Somehow she managed to keep the phone to her ear.

Jack D. laughed, “What kind of kindergarten mess is that?”
“What is he doing here?” Leilah whispered. Her eyes bounced around the cluttered living room. There were toys everywhere and enough cups and plates sprinkled around to host a Tupperware party. Why didn’t I clean up earlier, she moaned.
“He brought your purse over, but we ended up talking and stuff. He cool peoples, Lei.”

Leilah scurried around the room, scooping up the dirty dishes first.
“We’ll be up in a minute.”
“Okay, take your time,” Leilah answered. She slammed the phone shut, and hurried to clean the living room. Hopefully he wouldn’t have to use the bathroom.
~~

Mira the hands squeezing her were his before she turned around.
Sylus gripped her shoulder, “Mira,” he called, concern leaked through his stone façade.
“I’m fine,” she panted. Part of her wanted to loathe him until he withered away from the disease she diagnosed him with, but another part of her cared for him too much to bear the thought.

He swept her up into his arms. “Let me take you inside.”
“No, no, no.” Mira clenched his t-shirt into her fists. “I’m fine. I don’t want to go in. I’m just going home.” Her breath stopped short in her throat. Her head rolled back.
“Mira,” he yelled.

She rolled her head back onto his chest. “I have to stand.”
Hesitantly, he placed her feet on the ground, bracing her. Her forehead dropped against his chest and he wrapped his arms around her. The steady rhythm of his heartbeat calmed her breathing and the familiar strokes of his massive hands against her back made her feel safe.

Mira stepped back from his embrace avoiding eye contact, “Thanks,” she said and turned to walk away.

Sylus caught her hand, pulling her back toward him. “Let me take you home.”

Mira glanced away and then back at Sylus. She still couldn’t read him, but she decided it didn’t matter. She needed her bed, and he could get her there faster than her feet.
~~

Leilah tried her best to look natural after over-febreezing the room. Everything was in its place, and everything else was thrown carelessly into the bedrooms and closets.

She turned the channel to Punk’d and pretended to be entertained by Ally and AJ accidentally killing a bear. The entrance door opened, and she heard them laughing as their boots clunked up the stairs. Jack D. walked into the room first, and although she thought she was prepared for the moment when Darien stepped into her house, her heart stopped.

Darien rolled his lips between his teeth as he surveyed the room. The hunter green sectional was against one wall, and a large wooden entertainment center against the other. She clasped her hands together to stop them from shaking as she wondered what he thought.

“Man, Lei,” Jack D. said as he plopped down next to he on the sofa. “I’m tired. Can we talk tomorrow?”
Leilah nodded and combed her fingers through her hair.
He kissed her on the cheek.
“Good night, Jacky,” she said barely above a whisper, and then cleared her throat.

“Alright D, see you on Sunday, man.” He slapped Darien five.
“Alright JD,” Darien said. Jack D. went to his room and closed the door.

Darien handed Leilah her purse and sat next to her on the sofa.
“He’s going to church with you?” Leilah asked, amazed.
“Yeah, you are too,” he reminded her.
“I know, I just thought I would have to force him.”
“Naw, he’s a good kid.”

Darien sat back watching the images flicker across the screen. Then he leaned forward, “I don’t mean any disrespect to your aunt by coming here so late.”
“Oh, she’s not here.” Leilah said, leaning back. “She’s out with her girlfriends. I won’t be surprised if she takes the whole weekend off.”
“What, auntie be kicking it like that?” he joked.
“Yeah, she’s only like 31 or 32.”
“For real?” Leilah could tell Darien was doing the math in his head.
“She was around 13 when I was born.” Darien nodded and Leilah scrambled through her mind for any topic other than those that rated her family on a scale of dysfunction.

Then she tried the magical thing he always did that simplified everything. She placed her hand on the cushion between them with her palm up, and waited for him to accept the invitation.

His fingers smoothed over her palm, tracing over the lines like brail before locking firmly around her fingers. He gripped her hand tight.
“I missed you,” he said.
“I missed you too,” she answered.

[Stay tuned: Because the love is definitely here on Suds. Can you feel it?]

Suds - Season 1, Episode 25

2008-03-05T15:46:00.006-06:00

… a mini soap opera that bubbles with Love & Drama

[Last time on Suds... dear Darien and lovely Leilah kissed again, and she told him that she couldn’t become involved in a sex-free relationship. Awwww, I thought they would make the perfect couple.

Meanwhile, Mira provoked Shantel to the point where the girl had pinkish-red eyes, but Shantel didn’t say or do anything… unless you consider her folding to the ground, rocking back and forth, and balling up her fists as notable reaction. No use crying over spilled bubbles, the anger has already risen and love has been stirred…

New imaginary cast member! Blow some bubbles for the adorable Lil Romeo, son of Master P., who will be playing the imginary role of Leilah's fifteen year old brother, Jack D. Did you know I used to love Master P's, "Bout it Bout it" song back when I was sixteen? Of course you didn't, but I thought I'd share.]

Leilah pushed her hair away from her face, stealing a glance at Darien from the corner of her eye. He appeared to be deep in thought. I’ll catch the train back to school, she thought and returned her gaze to the highway signs, counting the seconds of silence before they parted ways for good.

Darien reached over, placing his hand on hers. She turned her palm up, gripping his, and rested in his comfort.

~~

Darien smoothed his fingertips across the back of her hand before fanning them around, and interlocking his fingers with hers.

“I’m sorry,” he said, “but I can’t let you go.”
“Right here, the building on the left,” Leilah said pointing at her Aunt Lisa’s two-flat.

He released her hand to parallel park and then turned the car off.

Leilah loitered in the parked car unwilling to leave him, but more unsure of her ability to be involved in a restricted relationship.
“It might not work,” she mumbled reaching for his hand.
“We’ll never know if we don’t try.”
“Aren’t you supposed to pray about major decisions like this, or is that the old school way?”
“I already did,” he smiled. “God gave me a green light.”

Leilah studied the sincerity in his face, sighing, “I wish He would fill me in.”
“Have you asked Him yet?”
“Um, no,” Leilah blinked, considering the oddity of the question. “God and I don’t really get down like that.”
Darien lifted his brow quizzically. “I thought you believed in God.”
“I do. I just don’t believe he takes time out of his schedule to talk to me.”

Darien nodded, “You should come to church with me on Sunday.”
“I don’t know if I can. I’ll be spending time with the kids.”
“Bring em. It would be cool to meet your kids,” he teased.

Darien suppressed the urge to kiss her hand and feel her soft skin against his lips when she avoided his gaze.

Leilah grinned, “You won’t have to wait until Sunday.”

Darien followed her eyes to two teenagers. The girl had the younger boy, hunched over in a headlock. She let him go when they saw Leilah, and skipped toward the unfamiliar car.
~~

Emptiness settled inside Mira. Hollowed of all emotion, she walked across campus ignoring everyone that spoke to her. She walked for nearly half an hour until she stood in front of the clinic again.

The long two-story building was once her favorite place. She handed out condoms, taught the importance of safe sex, and counseled those who tested positive for HIV. 'It’s not the end of your life,' she would say. 'People are living long, healthy lives even with HIV.' The assuring phrase she often used felt more like the last nail being hammered into her coffin.

Mira gulped hard and forced her feet to move up the stairs. The door opened less than five feet away.

She looked up and saw Sylus.

~~

Lalique and Jack D. approached the car. Leilah stepped out, and ran to hug her siblings.

“Get off me, G,” Jack D. complained when Leilah squeezed him into a hug.
“Don’t you miss me Jacky boy,” Leilah kissed him on the cheek.

Jack D. struggled out of the hug and she rocked into a tight embrace with Lalique.

“You know Jacky is always worried about his lil image,” Lalique teased.
“What image,” Leilah chimed in. “He’s too young to have an image.”

“Yeah, whatever, G, I’m old enough for more than you think.” The fifteen year old smoothed his Avirex jacket into place.
“Who got you that jacket?” Leilah asked estimating the value at about two hundred dollars.
“Nonya,” he smirked.

Lalique met Leilah’s questioning eyes and nodded. Leilah assessed her brother. He wore the latest Jordan’s. His jeans were crisp, and he dusted off his flashy cap before securing it over his rough braids.

“I’m gon need you to braid me up when I get back,” Jack D. said to Leilah.
She looked at the time on her cell phone, 7:30 pm. “Where are you going?” she asked.
“Nonya,” he grinned, licking his lips.

“Don’t let him go,” Lalique admonished.
“Man, I wish you would get out of my business,” Jack D. said glancing around.

“What’s up, Jacky?” Leilah asked suspiciously.
“Nothing, Lei,” he answered, and then pointed at Darien, “Who is this?”

“Yes,” Lalique said, momentarily distracted as she sized up Leilah’s companion. “Who is your friend,” she smiled and flirting with Darien, “I’ll be legal tomorrow.”

Leilah elbowed her.
“It was a joke,” Lalique laughed, then whispered, “Dude is fine, though.” Her cell phone rang. “Jacky, please tell those stupid lil girls to stop calling my phone looking for you.”

He snatched the phone from Lalique’s hand. “What’s up girl? Let me give you my new number.”

“What’s going on,” Leilah whispered to Lalique.
“He’s been hanging around with the wrong crowd. You should see his closet. He got into it with Aunt Lisa yesterday, and she kicked him out.”
“Where is he staying,” Leilah gasped. She glanced over at Jack D. and Darien while they spoke a few feet away.
“We’re staying at Mom’s. I told Aunt Lisa I’ll try to keep an eye on him.”
“Why did she kick him out?”
“She thinks he’s been selling drugs out of the basement.”
“What?” Leilah screamed, glaring at her brother.

He glanced away. “Alright man, I’ll holla at you later.” He slapped Darien five and turned to walk away.

“Where are you going?” Leilah demanded.
“Lei, man, ya’ll be getting all worked up over nothing.”
“Where – are – you – going?”

Her eyes darkened, instantly masking her in a maternal light. Jack D. hung his head in defeat. He walked toward her, and whispered in her ear. “I know I messed up,” he said. “But I not on that anymore. I’m bout to go chill with my girl.”

He stepped back allowing her to see the sincerity swirling in his eyes.
“When will you be back,” she asked.
“About eleven.”“Make it ten, we need to talk.”
“Cool,” he said, punching Lalique in the arm before he ran away.

[Stay tuned: Only few more episodes left in Season 1… so sad, but true.]

Suds Season 1, Episode 24

2008-03-05T05:53:00.003-06:00

… a mini soap opera that bubbles with Love & Drama

[Last time on Suds... I just have to say that I am fully aware of Shantel’s “ways” but I am a smidge surprised that Mira seemed like she enjoyed seeing Shantel distraught. It’s almost like she knew Shantel was thinking of jumping off a cliff and Mira was pushing her off the edge. What’s going on there?

Meanwhile, I wonder what’s happening with Darien and Leilah. Don’t you think it would be nice to take break from the psych ward and peek in on their budding romance? Good, because that’s exactly where we’re going. Ain’t I a sap? :o) But not to worry my drama-holics, trust there is always room for situations to get slippery on Suds.]

Mira laughed harder, “You really are crazy.” Kneeling down beside Shantel, her flat voice silenced the frantic cries. “If you keep lying on Leilah, I will make sure you hear every bit of the truth. Every hug, every kiss, everything, and I will enjoy watching it tear you apart.”

Shantel’s bitter eyes rolled open meeting Mira’s taunting glare. She felt her insides twitch uncontrollably as she watched Mira’s full lips slink into amused smile.

People should not hurt me, Shantel thought squeezing her fists tight until her fingernails pierced into her palms. People should not hurt me.

~~

Darien opened the passenger door, smiling at Leilah as she stepped out. Gasoline lingered in the air as the occasional car whizzed by on the nearby highway.

He pressed her body against the car, “Is it done?” Darien cupped her elbows, leaning against her.
“Oh, you’re talking to me again?” Leilah mused. “And all it took was an emergency roommate change. Is there anything else I can do for you, your majesty?”

Her sarcastic curtsey was interrupted by his lips grazing hers. “There is one thing,” he said with warmth tickling her lips while he spoke. Then he kissed her leisurely, taking his time to explore the contours of her lips as they shaped against his own. A fresh coat of raspberry plum lip balm coated his lips, the same way that his happiness lined her heart.

Darien opened the door for her, she slid in, and they continued their trip back to Chicago.

~~

Mira hawked Shantel like a predator. They rose simultaneously, holding each other’s glare. Standing face to face, Mira sensed Shantel’s silent rage, her smile extended further.

Mira laughed, “That’s it? You’re just going to ball up your lil fists and pout?”
Shantel didn’t flinch.

“Whatever, you can be pathetic. I don’t mind.” Mira turned her back on Shantel and walked toward the door. Part of her expected Shantel to pounce when her back was turned, but she knew Shantel wouldn’t. She was too crafty.

“Hey Shantel,” Mira said as she opened the door.
Shantel seethed in anger. Her fists balled tightly enough to draw blood.

“I’m looking forward to hearing what you have to say at the next meeting, especially the part where you clarify that Leilah did not attack you.” Mira paused, tapping her index finger against her chin, “Hmm, but that still leaves the question of what happened to you. Was it Terrance? Or will you lie and say it was me?” Mira laughed. “This is like a messed up game of Clue. Whatever, whoever, wherever, it better not be Leilah.” Then Mira left the room, and sang as she walked down the hallway, “Bye Soror.”

Shantel’s hands were numb. She didn’t notice the pressure shooting up her finger tips. When she finally unclenched her fists, her hands were a pinkish red, the same color as her eyes.

~~

Traffic was the first indicator that they were nearing the city. She vaguely heard him. Perhaps it was because he barely spoke. Leilah traced her lips, reminiscing about the two times she and Darien kissed. The first, she was able to play off as nothing more than a first kiss, but the second burned with undeniable intensity.

Leilah shook away the thoughts, and rested her head against her seat, closing her eyes. She imagined his lips pressed against hers, his hands roaming, her toes curling. She sank deeper into the dream, wishing it were reality.

“Leilah?”
Her eyes sprang open.
Darien’s golden brown eyes were filled with concern, “Are you alright?” he asked.
“Uh, yeah… yeah,” she rubbed her eyes open, and pressed her palms against her cheeks.
“Are you sure,” Darien asked, reaching over to rub the back of her neck.
“Yeah,” she said, pushing his hand away, “But could you please not touch me.”

Stricken, he pulled away, placing his hand on the steering wheel instead. Leilah stared out of the window, gathering her confused thoughts.

“What’s up?” he asked.
She shook her head, hesitantly before unleashing her concerns. “I just… I… I don’t know if I can do this. I think it’s great that you’re getting right with God, and on the no sex kick, but… I don’t think… I mean, I can’t… I just.” Leilah forced air out of her lungs and stared out of the window. “I like you a lot. And when we kiss it’s amazing.”

Darien smiled, but as she continued, his smile disappeared.
“But then my mind defaults to a place where you’re not trying to be. And I don’t see how I can be involved with you without being involved... intimately.”

Leilah glanced over at him.
He nodded but said nothing else.

The green highway signs occupied her eyes while her thoughts cluttered her brain. It is what it is, she thought. He needs a church going girl anyway. The kind that actually believes God listens to her prayers. I have enough to worry about without getting on God’s bad side by tempting Darien.

Several green signs with white lettering passed by as Leilah tried to convince herself that it was best to let Darien go. The thought wouldn’t stick. Instead, she saw how his fall-colored eyes would squint when he smiled, she remembered how the slightest glance from him made her blush, and she wanted to cry because she would no longer feel the warm comfort of his hand wrapped around hers.

She watched the exit signs lower from the hundreds to the sixties, less than half an hour from her house.

Leilah pretended to push her hair away from her face, glancing at Darien from the corner of her eye. He appeared to be deep in thought. I’ll catch the train back to school, she thought. This was just silly crush anyway. She returned her gaze to the highway signs, counting the seconds of silence before they parted ways for good.

Darien reached over, placing his hand on hers. She turned her palm up, gripping his, and rested in the comfort.

[Stay tuned: “Don’t excite love, don’t stir it up, until the time is right – and you are ready.” Songs of Solomon 2:7]

Suds - Season 1, Episode 23

2008-03-03T23:35:00.002-06:00

… a mini soap opera that bubbles with Love & Drama

[Last time on Suds... Leilah’s radar picked up signs of anxiety in her BFF, Mira. Meanwhile, isn’t it cool how best girls can tell almost instantly when something is wrong with one another? True friends really do hear the unsaid. Awwww. Alright back to the update… oh yes, it appears we’re in time for a confrontation between Mira and Shantel. Shantel better watch out because a true BFF bond is thicker than anything written in Greek... or is it?]

Good, they’re gone, Shantel thought. Now, I can think this through. Darien lied to me, Leilah stole from me, and Terrance left me. I’m hurt. People should not hurt me. She bit her bottom lip as she stared into the mirror. I’m still pretty though. She smiled as she applied another coat of lip gloss. How can I fix this? Shantel twisted the cap shut and dropped the gloss into her bag.

She walked across the room, slid on her trench coat, and opened her door to leave.

Mira scowled at her in the open doorway.

Shantel clutched her heart. “Oh my goodness, Mira you scared me.”

Mira’s glare sliced through Shantel.

Repositioning her handbag nervously, Shantel chuckled, “I’m really not up for talking, Mira. Actually, I’m heading out…” She attempted to step out of the room, but Mira blocked the doorway like massive stone structure. Her marble eyes scrutinized Shantel.

“What?” Shantel asked innocently.
“What do you think?” Mira snarled. “You think can lie on Leilah and get away with it?”
“I did not lie on…”
“Shut up.” Mira’s soft soprano voice deepened, startling Shantel. “If you want to talk so bad, tell me why you’re involving the sorors in your child’s play.”

Mira stepped forward.
Shantel warily took a step back.

“What did Leilah do to you?” Mira asked in a low tone. “Huh? What did she do?”
“I don’t have time for this,” Shantel said, attempting to walk around Mira.
Mira closed the gap between them, speaking through clenched teeth. “I could care less about what you have time for.” The hate-filled glare bore holes into Shantel.

Shantel inched back, trying to remain calm in spite of Mira’s somberness.

“Tell me about your plan, Shantel. What is it? Do you want to girls the jump Leilah because you’re not woman enough to keep your men? Is that what it is?”

Shantel folded her arms in front of her.

“How did it make you feel to see Terrance drooling all over your roommate?”
“Terrance was not...”
Mira cut her off, “No, well then when did you stomp over ready to fight like Ms. Piggy?”

Shantel sighed rolling her eyes, “Are you finished?”

“You know he wanted her,” Mira continued, “Even I could see that.”
“Okay, he wanted her, whatever,” Shantel said unconvinced. “Now get out of my way.”
“You better believe he wanted her, but he’s not the only one, is he?”

Shantel’s body stiffened, her fists tightened, and she averted her gaze. Her eyes steamed.

“No, he’s not the only one,” Mira continued. “Dear, sweet Darien, can’t get enough of her. Can he?” Mira circled Shantel, whispering while she paced. Concern drained out of Mira, leaving behind shell void of consideration. “I wonder what they did last night. It must have been something noteworthy considering that she never came back.” Mira stopped pacing and stood in front of Shantel. She could tell Shantel was fighting back tears, but she kept pressing.

“You know I spoke to her, right?” Mira tilted her head to the side. “She was still with,” Mira paused when Shantel squeezed her eyes shut. A devious smile slithered across Mira’s face. She emphasized every syllable of the name, “Da-ri-en.”

Shantel gripped her head, burrowing her fingers across her scalp, weaving them through her hair.

Mira smirked, “Everyone knows he left you. I guess I can understand why you would lie about Leilah. She has the one thing you can’t have…”

“Get out,” Shantel screeched folding to the floor.
Mira laughed, “Don’t you want me to tell you what she has?”
“Get out, Get out, Get out,” Shantel curled into a ball, rocking back and forth.

Mira laughed harder, “You really are crazy.” Kneeling down beside Shantel, her flat voice silenced the frantic cries. “If you keep lying on Leilah, I will make sure you hear every bit of the truth. Every hug, every kiss, everything, and I will enjoy watching it tear you apart.”

Shantel’s bitter eyes rolled open meeting Mira’s taunting glare. She felt her insides twitch uncontrollably when she watched Mira’s slink into smile.

People should not hurt me, she thought.

[Stay tuned: Notable quote, "Hurt people, hurt other people"]

Discouraged

2008-03-01T22:22:00.005-06:00

Sometimes I get discouraged.
One minute, I'm high on possibilities.
And the next, I'm drowning below sea level.

Then when I'm doing my least favorite thing - in the world - cleaning,
I find scribbles in pink, baby blue and lime green notebooks.
And I read folded sheets of type about elves in a magical forest,
beautiful girls that appear to have everything,
or intimate notes from my private time with God.

My heart smiles, and I remember that I am a writer.

Suds - Season 1, Episode 22

2008-02-29T15:11:00.004-06:00

… a mini soap opera that bubbles with Love & Drama

[Last time on Suds... the pretty n prissy girls gathered to determine how to best resolve Shantel’s ‘problem’. Some of the girls, Angel for example, were ready to rumble, while others like Teneille, the chief beauty in their sorority, sought a reasonable solution. A distracted Mira learned that the pesky problem up for vote was actually her best friend, Leilah. But get this, Shantel never said Leilah attacked her with a two by four, but she never refuted the theory either.

Meanwhile, Darien and Leilah left the looming lies behind and drove back to Chicago together. Sweet, ain’t it? Except, Darien is a little too concerned about what might happen to Leilah as a result of Shantel’s neurological imbalance. It just keeps on bubbling…]

“Private affairs are spats with boyfriends,” Angel countered. “When one of us is physically attacked, we have to make it clear that we don’t roll like that.”

“Wait a minute,” Mira said halting the dispute and turning her attention to Shantel in the crowded dorm, “Terrance hit you?” she asked.
“No,” Shantel screamed pacing across the floor guiltily, “Can we please not do this?”

“You ain’t got to be scared of her,” Angel said.
“Scared of who,” Mira asked in an annoyed tone, and every pair of eyes in the room with the exception of Shantel’s stared at Mira like she had been living under a rock. Shantel closed her eyes to stop them from dancing. She waited for dissention to stir against Leilah, and it did.

“Your girl attacked Shantel last night,” Angel growled.

Shantel covered her face dramatically and plopped down on her bed. She was instantly sandwiched into a compassionate hug. “It’s fine,” she whimpered. “Please, don’t try to get involved,” she sobbed.

Mira’s mouth dropped open to deny the accusation, but the words jammed in her throat. She wasn’t sure what Leilah did after Darien dropped her off. She was angry enough, Mira thought, but Leilah didn’t want to fight. She would have if Shantel pushed her, and Shantel is known to push. Mira ran through the possibilities in her mind, and then glanced over at Shantel who was staring up at the ceiling, fanning her tears dry.

Teneille carefully detailed Mira’s uncertain reaction, awaiting an alibi, and when Mira didn’t offer one, she turned to Shantel. “We need you to tell us what happened. We can’t make decisions based on a hunch.”

Shantel pursed her lips together. “Well,” she started, down casting her eyes nervously for show. She fingered her bangs into place over the bump on her forehead. “I was…” Shantel paused, gulping hard before trying again. “I was…” This time her voice cracked, and she broke into a crying fit, shrieking and heaving while trying to explain.

Angel rubbed her back. “This is too much for her. We need to handle this now.”
Sharia closed the gap between her and Teneille, and whispered something into her ear.

Teneille nodded and then addressed the group. “We have to be very careful. It is clear that something dreadful has happened to Shantel, but since we don’t know exactly what that something is, it is in the best interest of all involved to postpone all decision making until Shantel can provide us with more information.”

“What?” Angel snarled. “That is not even right. We all saw what happened at the club last night. That trick almost jumped Shantel.”

“Almost,” Sharia interjected, “Is not enough. And we need to know exactly…”
“This is ridiculous,” Angel yelled, jumping to her feet. “How much more do you need to know?”

Teneille’s lips shaped into a polite smile. “Angel,” she said. “You don’t have to agree with my decision, but you will respect our organization enough not behave in a sloppy manner. We are not a gang, and we will not act like a gang.”

Angel crossed her arms across her chest, pressing her lips together firmly.

Tenielle continued. “Meeting is adjourned until Shantel is better able to share details.” She walked over to Shantel and embraced the trembling body of her sorority sister. “Pack up your things and come stay in the guest room at the house. We’ll talk when you’re ready.”
Shantel nodded.

Hugs and kisses were exchanged as the girls filed out of Shantel’s room in several ringlets of prattle. Mira said quick goodbye’s and retreated to the study room at the end of the hall. She left the lights off in the empty room, and closed the door.
~~

Leilah was glad when her phone rang. Darien was about as much fun as her last dentist appointment. He only broke his worried gaze from the road to smile at her. Well, he can look as worried as he wants, but nobody is making me change rooms, she thought.

“Hi, Mira,” Leilah sang.
Mira was curt. “Hey Lei. What happened last night?”
“Not much. Just hung out, watched movies, fell asleep. Why?”
“And when Shantel came home, what happened?”
“I wouldn’t know. I wasn’t at home.”
“Where were you?”
“At Darien’s. What’s up with the third degree?”
“You were with Darien?” Mira sounded relieved, “All night?”
“Yes,” Leilah said defensively, “Why, what’s up?
Mira mumbled under her breath. “I can’t believe this.”
“You can’t believe what, that I was with Darien?”
“No, no, no.” Mira sighed deeply. “Shantel has everyone in our sorority thinking that you attacked her last night.”
“Attacked her how?” Leilah couldn’t hide the astonishment in her voice.
“With a two by four. She has a huge knot on her head that everyone thinks is your handiwork.”
“You can not be serious,” Leilah mused.

Mira sighed again. “I need you to do me a favor, and don’t go getting all She-woman on me.” She drew in a deep breath and blurted out, “Please call housing and request a change in roommate. I know it’s late in the year. I know that you don’t care about Shantel, but please just do it. I don’t know what she’s up to, but I do know she is putting me in the middle. So please, Lei, please request a roommate change. Tell them it’s an emergency or something. Just…please,” she begged.

Leilah’s stopped laughing long enough to her the string of anxiety in Mira’s voice.
“Fine, I’ll do the roommate change,” Leilah said. Hope flickered in Darien’s eyes, and he squeezed her hand again. Leilah wondered, why is everyone so worked up about this chic?
“Good. One more thing. Find somewhere else to stay over the weekend.”
“I’m heading to Chicago now.”
“Even better. I’ll call you later.”
“Wait, Mira.”
~~

“What?” Mira answered, suddenly feeling exasperated.
“You don’t sound okay. Is everything, I mean everything else, alright?”

Tears rushed into Mira’s eyes before she could fight them away. She sucked in a deep breath, and answered quickly. “Fine, I’m fine,” she rambled with a nervous laugh. “You know, I just don’t like drama,” Mira lied.
“Are you sure, Mir?” Leilah pressed.
“Positive.” The word pierced through Mira’s entire body, condemning her. She clutched her abdomen, biting back squealing tears. Quickly she answered, “I gotta go. Talk to you later.” She hung up before Leilah could dig any deeper into her pain.

True friends hear what you don’t say, she thought.

She forced back her tears, knowing that no matter what Leilah would be at her side. And she was determined be the same type of friend for Leilah.

~~

Good, they’re gone, Shantel thought. Now, I can think this through. Darien lied to me, Leilah stole from me, and Terrance left me. I’m hurt. People should not hurt me. She bit her bottom lip as she stared into the mirror. I’m still pretty though. She smiled as she applied another coat of lip gloss. How can I fix this? She twisted the cap shut and dropped it into her bag.

Shantel traipsed across the room, slid on her trench coat, and opened her door to leave.
She found Mira scowling at her in the open doorway.

[Stay tuned: Friends and Foes clash on the next episode of Suds]

Suds – Season 1, Episode 21

2008-02-27T23:09:00.002-06:00

… a mini soap opera that bubbles with Love & Drama

[Last time on Suds... Mira got a call from her sorority sister mandating she attend the meeting in Shantel’s room, but Mira had much more serious things on her mind than Shantel’s latest freak fest. Speaking of Shantel, I wonder what’s going on in that pretty bruised up little head of hers. She hasn’t said much since Terrance dumped her. And when she saw Darien kissing Santa Claus… I mean, Leilah, it was a like adding a heap of salt to her open wound. Meanwhile, Darien is extra concerned about Leilah’s well being with respect to Shantel’s psychotic moments. I wonder why. So, without any further a due, let’s mix up soap and water and make it Sudsy…]

Darien pursed his lips together, choosing his words carefully, “I know her well, and I don’t doubt you, but she’s a little… off.”
“I don’t care if she’s on, off, in, or out.” Leilah snapped, “You better put your money on me cause I am not one to be played with.”

Leilah attempted to snatch her hand away, and again Darien gripped it in place. Then he lifted her hand to his lips, kissing her softly. “Just think about it,” he said.
She nodded, knowing she would do no such thing.
~~

Teneille flat-ironed Shantel’s newly cut bangs, feathering them gently over the evident bruise on her forehead. She placed the flat iron on the bathroom counter.
“So, are you going to tell me what this is all about,” Teneille asked.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Shantel mumbled.
“Fine, but you’re only going to be able to use that excuse up until everyone gets here.”

Shantel’s room was already humming with the chatter of fifteen of her sorority sisters.
“You guys are just making a big deal out of nothing,” Shantel calmly stated as she appraised her new hairstyle. “Bangs work for me.” She wisped them in place, and then turned to face Teneille. “See, I’m fine,” she flashed an unabashed smile at the chief beauty of their chapter. “Can’t you just make this go away?”

“Not really,” Teneille smiled back. “Angel made a real big deal out of how banged up you were, and come to find out she was actually right. Now, inquiring minds want to know.”

Shantel sighed as Sharia appeared in the doorway of the bathroom, “Mira’s the only one missing. Should we proceed?”
“Uh-uh, she has to be here,” Teneille stated matter-of-factly. “Get her on the phone.”

Less than a second later, Sharia was on the phone with Mira.
~~

Mira stood outside the clinic, knowing there was nothing they could tell her for at least three months, but still she had to hear them say nothing could be done.
Her cell phone rang. She didn’t answer.
It rang again. She ignored it.
Still it rang again.
“What,” Mira barked.
“Man-da-tory,” Sharia said.
“Shar, this is not a good time.”
“Really, tell me why, and then I’ll let you get back to whatever is so much more important than a sister in need.”

Mira rubbed her head. What would she tell them, that she feared she was infected with HIV? Never.

Mira slammed her eyes shut, forcing air from her lungs. “Fine.” She slapped her phone shut and walked toward the dorms.
~~

Shantel sat on her bed with her legs crossed, lips glossed, and a princess-worthy poise when Mira walking into the room. Fifteen pairs of eyes met her at the door. Mira firmly planted her feet to avoid storming away from the stew of pettiness where she was being forced to simmer for the sake of solidarity.

Mira looked at the faces, some neutral, others spewing with contempt, and still other that were just happy to see her. The girls sat on Shantel’s bed, leaned against the wall, or stood. Leilah’s bed remained empty.

“Nice of you to join us.” Teneille smiled pleasantly from Shantel’s computer desk.

Mira fashioned an artificial smile, and sat on Leilah’s bed. Several eyes bulged at Mira’s audacity to sit on the enemy’s bed, but Teneille proceeded without missing a beat.

“Thank you ladies for taking time out of your schedules on such short notice to remedy this situation…”

As Teneille’s voice droned on, Mira wondered how people would treat her if she tested positive for HIV. Would people stop breathing when I walk by? Would my sorors still see me as one of them? She blinked back tears. I would never be able to have a family. Never be able to name my little girl Miranda. She closed her eyes, rubbing her head. Not now, she thought. Get this over with and get out. She tuned back into the discussion.

“I’m fine,” Shantel said with a smile.
“Girl, you did not look fine less than an hour ago,” Angel said in a riot worthy tone.
“It’s nothing really,” Shantel insisted.

“W-what’s nothing,” Mira asked wearily.
“That lump on her forehead,” Angel growled.
Mira stared at Shantel. She looked beautiful as always.

“This ain’t cool,” Angel said, standing. “It’s not right. People should not be able to step to any of us and get away with it.”

Mira’s eyes bounced around the room as she followed the conversation.

“We don’t get involved in each other’s private affairs,” Sharia stated. “And I don’t think we should start now.”
“Thank you Shar,” Shantel said. “I can handle this on my own.”

“Private affairs are spats with boyfriends,” Angel countered. “When one of us is physically attacked, we have to make it clear that we don’t roll like that.”

“Wait a minute,” Mira said, “Terrance hit you?”
“No,” Shantel screamed pacing across the floor guiltily, “Can we please not do this?”

“You ain’t got to be scared of her,” Angel said.
“Scared of who,” Mira asked in an annoyed tone, and every pair of eyes in the room with the exception of Shantel’s stared at Mira like she had been living under a rock.

“Your girl attacked Shantel last night,” Angel said.

Shantel covered her face dramatically and plopped down on her bed. She was instantly sandwiched into a compassionate hug. “It’s fine,” she whimpered. “Please, don’t try to get involved,” she cried.

Mira’s mouth dropped open to deny the accusation, but she didn’t know what happened after she said goodbye to Leilah. She was angry enough, Mira thought, but Leilah didn’t want to fight. She would have if Shantel pushed her. And Shantel is known to push.

[Stay tuned: Lies about Leilah, full steam ahead…]

Suds – Season 1, Episode 20

2008-02-27T15:39:00.003-06:00

… a mini soap opera that bubbles with Love & Drama

[Last time on Suds... ready, set, go… Mira was a no show; Terrance told Shantel to hit the door – she took it literally and ended up crying on the floor.

Darien and Leilah put on a show of a smoochy-smooch while he opened the car door. Meanwhile, Shantel watched in disbelief from her bush-view seat, and was abso-certain-lutely not pleased… Can you tell I’ve been reading Dr. Suess to my four year old?

Anywho, grab a bar as soap, and let’s get in the tub…]

Leilah blushed.
“Ready?” he asked resting his forehead on hers.
She nodded, and slid into the seat.Darien closed her door, scanning the area with his eyes as he walked around the car. Something jostled in the bushes less than twenty feet away. Standing with his door open, he stared at the bush as it shifted slightly with the breeze but otherwise remained undisturbed.Darien got into his car and drove away.

When the car was out of sight, a disheveled Shantel emerged from behind the bush.

Shantel walked over to the spot where Darien and Leilah kissed. She stood in disbelief, vacant of emotion. Hollowed and alone, detached and incomplete, Shantel raked her fingertips through her unkempt hair. Shards of pain shot up into her fingertips. Shantel stared at the dried blood and cracked fingernails on her hands and dropped them to her sides.

“Shantel,” Angel screamed in shock as she rushed toward her sorority sister. “Girl, what happened to you?”

Shantel vaguely recognized the chubby neophyte as she babbled rapidly, causing Shantel’s head to pound. Raising her hand to her forehead, Shantel grimaced.

“Girl, are you okay?” Angel whispered, glancing around as students walked past them. “Come, let’s go to your room.”

Shantel, in no condition to disagree, allowed her fuming soror to guide her to her room.
~~

“Mira,” Angel barked into her cell phone while Shantel showered. “We have a mandatory meeting in Shantel’s room. Be here in an hour.”
“Look, Ang, I’m not gon be able to make it,” Mira said faintly.
“Mandatory, Mira. Teneille, Sharia, everybody including you will be here in an hour. Make it happen.”
Angel hung up, and Mira folded her phone shut. She cradled her knees against her chest as she sat in the corner of her bedroom with drained tear ducts. Her damp hair lay limp against the bath towel around her body.

She was only on the wrong side of the table once, a couple years ago when she was in training to become a testing counselor, the exercise in compassion steamrolled through her mind continuously.

Her counseling partner was Marie. Marie looked at her with a blank expression and said, “Mira, you tested positive for HIV.”

Mira remembered how the world stopped.
Her eyes watered, instantly blurring her vision.
She clutched her chest and blurted out in laughter.

Marie raised her brows in confusion and everyone in the room stared, but Mira kept laughing as the words replayed in her mind.

The rolling laughter quieted into unsteady whimpers.
Her tongue became swollen.
Her mouth dried, and her breathing grew faint.

“Mira,” Marie had called as Mira swirled into a panic. She hyperventilated and tumbled to the floor in tears.
“Mira,” the instructor said, rushing over with a bottle of water. She fanned her with a folder. “Look at me, Mira. Look at me. This is only a test. It’s okay.”
Mira stared at her counseling teacher in disbelief.
She continued assuring her, repeating, “It’s only a test.”

Mira took a deep breath and pushed the memory away. This time, it’s real, she thought.

Feeling the brewing tears, Mira stood and walked to the bathroom. She dropped her towel, stepped into the shower, and turned the water as hot as she could bear. At least then, she wouldn’t have to feel the tears, only the scorching hot water against her skin.
~~

“Do you expect me to do all the talking,” Leilah asked.
“Uh… naw,” Darien answered, reaching for her hand. Securing hers in his own, he continued driving, lost in thought. Leilah stared out of the window at fields of nothing, certain that they were something like wheat or some other agricultural product she cared nothing about. Annoyed by his silence, she attempted to pull her hand from his, but he tightened his grip.

“Maybe you should change rooms,” he finally said.
“For what,” Leilah asked. “I’m not about to run from Lil Ms. Priss. If she has a problem with me, she can move.”

Darien pursed his lips together, choosing his words carefully, “I know her well, and I don’t doubt you, but she’s a little… off.”
“I don’t care if she’s on, off, in, or out. You better put your money on me cause I am not one to be played with.”

Leilah attempted to snatch her hand away, and again Darien gripped it in place. Then he lifted her hand to his lips, kissing her softly.
“Just think about it,” he said.
She shrugged, knowing she would do no such thing.

[Stay tuned: Mandatory meetings and talks about moving next time on Suds]

Suds - Stopping the Bubbles

2008-02-26T15:24:00.005-06:00

People, People: Do not be alarmed. Episodes of Suds will continue as scheduled until the season finale... yes there will be a season finale as well as a prequel to Season 2, but not to worry, the time has not yet come for such things to happen.

In the meantime, I'd like to redirect your attention to Episode 18. I have added a new integral insert to clarify the depth of the relationship between Darien and Leilah. How I missed that necessary ingredient is beyond me. The insert is highlighted in orangey-brown.

Special thanks to Wubes for calling my attention to the discrepancy. What would I do without my Wewey ;o)

Happy Reading!

Love 1 Cor. 13,
Makeda

Suds – Season 1, Episode 19

2008-02-25T11:41:00.001-06:00

… a mini soap opera that bubbles with Love & Drama

[Last time on Suds... oh oh, spaghetti o’s… There was a major incident involving a defective condom and Mira and Sylus that swirled our HIV advocate into a painful panic. Can you imagine something more dreadful than an unplanned pregnancy or a curable STD? I can, and I’m in excruciating pain just thinking about the horrid possibility!

On the more lovey-dovey side of things, Darien and Leilah are sooo cute together… let’s take a break to soak in the mushiness…awwww. But when Shantel finds out that they ARE still together in spite of the impossibility… well, who knows what will happen next? I do … sort of :o) And if you stay tuned, you will too!]

Mira tugged the roots of her hair. She closed her eyes to concentrate, blocking out his rant. Fishing through her memory, she searched for recent rumors of Sylus, but couldn’t find any. God, please don’t let this be happening. Not to me. Her eyes swelled up with tears. Please, don’t let this be happening.

She heard his boots stomp toward her front door. He slammed it shut.

Relax, she thought. Just relax. What are the chances?
~~
Shantel stayed in the bathroom another fifteen minutes before flushing the toilet to complete her ruse. She picked up her bag, turned off the light, and opened the door. Terrance stood in the doorway.

“Terrance,” she screamed, dropping her purse. Her contents scattered across the floor. Shantel gripped her heart to soothe the furious pounding.
“Why are you so jumpy?” He asked through a stern mask.
“I don’t know, maybe because you’re lurking at the door like a knife-wielding psycho,” she screamed. “What is wrong with you?” Her hands shook as she clambered to gather her items. Frazzled and discombobulated, Shantel dropped the items back into her purse and stood.

“Why did you take your purse in the bathroom?”
“Why did I take my purse into the bathroom,” she repeated as she thought quickly. “What kind of a question is that?” Shantel pushed herself to become angry, and pulled a tampon from her purse, then threw it at him. The tube-like package hit his chest and fell to the floor.

His stone face chipped away as he returned his gaze to hers apologetically. She cut her eyes, casting them away from his face. And when they returned, they were filled with angst. “How long do you think I am going to put up with this,” she growled. “I am not your ex-girlfriend, and I am not cheating on you.”
“Baby, I…”

Shantel cut him off as she pushed him out of her way and grabbed her boots. Sitting on his unmade bed, she forced her feet into her boots and zipped them up. “I can not believe that you have the audacity to mistrust me when just last night, you were cheesin all up in my trick roommate’s face. The same roommate that you ignored all my calls for because you were being mister knight in shining armor…”
“Baby,” he pleaded.
“Don’t baby me. Go, baby, that cow in the girl’s bathroom at the student center, and while you’re at it, question her about why she’s there,” she fumed as she shoved her hands into her jacket. Shantel turned dramatically to face him ensuring that her heels stomped to convey her wrath. Then her breath caught.

Terrance clutched her iPhone in his massive hands. His concerned facial expression morphed into a porous mask of hatred as he saw Darien’s name repeatedly listed in her call history. Instantly, she felt herself deflate.

“Get out,” Terrance said in an inaudible voice.
“Baby,” she whispered.
“Get out, Shantel,” his voice thundered, and then crackled into a stream of profanities.

Shantel grabbed her purse and fumbled toward the door, begging him to listen.
“Please, baby please, just let me explain…”

He grimaced when she reached the front door, gritting his teeth to fight back the rage.

Her hand trembled against the doorknob. Then she turned away from him, facing the door. Her mind raced. I can’t be alone. Don’t let me be alone. Please don’t let me be alone. She clawed at the wooden door, breaking her nails as she scratched. They bled. Please, no, I can’t be alone. Tears began steaming down her face like the river of loneliness she would soon come to face. Unable to bear the thought, Shantel pounded her head against the door, and wailed as her body collapsed to the floor.

Terrance nearly jumped to her side, but was grounded by the lucid memory of her betrayal. He stood still watching the tears flood over her face, and the swelling lump on her forehead. Torn between his desire to protect her and the impulse to further maim her, he screamed out in agony.

Clutching her ears, she cried, “just let me explain. Please, just let me explain.”

“Naw, Shantel. Just leave,” he said solemnly.
~~

Darien searched the lobby with his eyes as he exited the elevator with Leilah, carrying her large duffle bag.
“What’s wrong with you?” she asked.
“Nothing,” he said distracted.

They walked in silence until he hurled her bag into the trunk of his car. He opened the passenger door for her, but she didn’t move.
“You don’t have to do this,” she said. “I can drive myself.”
“No no, I want to. I gotta see my pops anyway.”

They stood in silence as Leilah looked for traces of uncertainty in his almond eyes. There were none. He focused in on her unspoken question and answered it with a gentle kiss. It lasted less than a moment, but sweltered with the promise of absolute certainty.

Leilah blushed.
“Ready?” he asked resting his forehead on hers.
She nodded, and slid into the seat.
Darien closed her door, scanning the area with his eyes as he walked around the car. Something jostled in the bushes less than twenty feet away. Standing with his door open, he stared at the bush as it shifted slightly with the breeze but otherwise remained undisturbed.
Darien got into his car and drove away.

When the car was out of sight, a disheveled Shantel emerged from behind the bush.

[Stay tuned: Dum, Dum, Dum…I know, I know, the suspense is killing me too!]

Suds – Season 1, Episode 18

2008-02-22T23:04:00.015-06:00

… a mini soap opera that bubbles with Love & Drama

[Last time on Suds... pause... I must confess that I am soooo into Darien right now. I mean, the man just has a way with words. So effortless, so sincere, so… me, LOL!!! Allow me a moment to get over myself. Woooo-saaa and I’m back. Mira revealed that Darien was driving Leilah home, and both Terrance and Shantel were unable to hide their festering contempt. Leilah was 100% correct in episode 14 when she predicted that this situation was “bound to get messy.”

Meanwhile, I was right about that Mira / Sylus connection. I’m guessing… well you just have to see for yourself. The bath water is ready, so jump in...]

Darien’s hypnotizing eyes captured her heart and took her to a tranquil place. Leilah forgot about everything that happened, and accepted the private invitation to be lost in the sincerity of his eyes.
~~

Shantel sat in the passenger seat of Terrance’s SUV contemplating her next move.
“Baby, I’m tired," she said sweetly as she turned to face him. "Can you take me home?”

He smiled, reaching for her hand and weaved his fingers between hers. “You can sleep at my crib. Most of your stuff is there anyway.”

Shantel bit her bottom lip, and turned to look out the window as they drove past the entrance to her dorm. Anxiety gripped her. I need to know if Darien is still with that hussy. Maybe he just took her home, but what if they are still together. She looked at the time on her cell phone. 3 am, there's no way they're still together... but what if they are? That's ridiculous, Darien would never choose her over me.
~~

[Clarifying insert: Question after question, story after story, they revealed their happiness and hurts. Leilah allowed her protective wall to crumble. Likewise, Darien removed his universal mask and together they swam into a deeper level of understanding.

"Wow, so you really are into God?" she asked in amazement.
He nodded and lay back on the sofa, propping his feet upon her lap.
"Please, make yourself comfortable," she said sarcastically, then teased, "Isn't touching a no-no for you."

Darien cracked his knuckles like a pro and said, "It's all about self control. I can control myself. You're the one on the shaky side." He grinned, "Though, I should move and sit over on that chair to help you out. Being close to all this goodness you can't have must be tearing you apart."

Leilah laughed, "Please, get over your self." She rested her hands at her side, afraid to touch him, and watched the movie. In a daze, she imagined what it would be like to be with him... like a girlfriend of sorts.

"Are you alright," he asked.
Startled from her thoughts, she stammered, "Y- Yeah, I'm fine."
Slowly, he lifted his legs from her lap, repositioning himself so they could dangle off the sofa instead.
"You don't have to move," she said, although her body stiffened.
"It's cool," he smiled, "A brother is on the alluring side."
"Really, get over yourself," she gratefully laughed as the joke minimized the awkwardness.

Watching the movie, Leilah glanced at him from the corner of her eye. His braided hair was rough and his squared jaw sloped each time his smile etched into his cheek. He laughed at the comedian on the screen, enveloped in the joke. Leilah noticed that even when his eyes weren't focused on hers, they still managed to hold her attention.

Nervously, Leilah inched closer to Darien until their knees touched. She clasped her hands into her lap, picking her nails as she pretended to watch the movie. Thoughts of possibilities and fears raced through her mind, but Darien calmed them all when he sat up beside her and touched her hand. She allowed his hand to slide between hers.

Leilah looked at their joined hands, then finally met his waiting gaze.

They stared in silence until he said, "I always wanted to be like my pops."
Leilah laughed at the unexpected subject.
"I'm serious," he laughed.
"I know," she said, regaining her composure. "I'm ready, tell me more."

Darien leaned against the back of the chair, and sighed, "He's a good man. A good father. A good husband. The kind of man I thought I could never be."
"Why not? Shouldn't it be easier since you have an example?"
"Should be," he shrugged. "But, some people always mess up."
"Are you that type, the one that always messes up," she asked warily.
"I'm trying not to be." Darien covered his eyes, partly expecting her to walk away.

Leilah nodded, squeezing his hand in hers, "I look a lot like my mom," she said. And without any further explanation, she rested her head against his shoulder, and settled to watch the movie.

Darien recounted Leilah's description of her mother's character from her difficulty breaking away from drugs to abandoning her children.

After a long pause, Darien answered, "You don't look like her," he said. "You look stronger."

Tears dripped from Leilah's eyes, moistening his shirt. "You probably look a lot more like your dad than you think," she said.

~~

Darien and Leilah soaked in conversation through two movies, sharing tidbits about their lives, and enjoying each other's company.

“Man, I can’t believe you’re leaving me already,” he teased, pulling her into his arms as sunlight peeked through the windows of his apartment. Leilah rested her chin on his chest as he circled his finger on her back, stirring the oversized tshirt into circles.

“Well, come with me,” she said, excitement seeping through her voice unintentionally. Shielding her over excitement, she mimicked the last movie they watched, “It’s Fri-day. You ain’t got no job. Stimulate your mind, Craig.”
Darien chuckled. Then his smile slowly faded and was replaced by deep thought.
“What?” Leilah asked.
Darien shook his head, “Nothing.”
“What?” she insisted.
“I don’t have any classes today.”
“And that means?”
“It means I could ride with you… if you really want me too.”
Leilah grinned, “And I do.”
“But,” he said, “We should take my car.”
“Good cause my car is iffy,” she laughed. “We should probably get some sleep. I’m good if I can get four hours.”
“I need all eight hours of my beauty sleep.”
Leilah giggled, “Alright Princess, we’ll leave around two o’clock then.”

Her smile brightened her face allowing him to zero in on her natural beauty. He pushed her hair away from her face, returning her cheerful grin. And despite the absence of sex in their embrace, Darien felt closer to Leilah than he ever felt with anyone else.

She drifted into sleep as his fingertips grazed the side of her face. Darien stared at her soft features. God, why am I so drawn to her? Her lips twitched into a faint smile as she nestled into his chest. His heartbeat quicked and he possesively folded his arms around Leilah.
~~

Shantel slid out of Terrance’s bed at six in the morning. She tiptoed over to the chair, scooping up her purse, and snuck into the bathroom. Sitting on the toilet seat, she dialed Darien’s phone number. It rang four times before the voice mail picked up. She hung up and called the number two more times. No answer.

Shantel dropped her phone in her bag, cradling her face in her hands. She panicked. Why isn’t he answering?

Shantel stayed in the bathroom another fifteen minutes before flushing the toilet to complete her ruse. She picked up her bag, turned off the light, and opened the door.
Terrance stood in the doorway.
~~

“You’ve been tested right, you’ve been tested?” Mira horrified scream echoed throughout her apartment. “When was the last time…” she bent over clutching her chest, gasping. “When was the last time you were tested?”
“A few months ago,” Sylus snapped. “Chill Mira, everybody in the world doesn’t have AIDS.”
“Everyone doesn’t need to have AIDS,” she snapped back, “just one person with a busted condom!”

Sylus stretched into his shirt, shaking his head in disbelief. “This is crazy. That’s why I stopped messing around with you. I’m surprised you didn’t try to douse me in Clorox.” He muttered a string of unintelligible protests.

Mira sat at the edge of her bed, wrapped in her bedspreads. Her entire body shook as various stories of how people contracted HIV raced through her mind. Calm down, she reasoned with herself, bending her chest into her thighs to brace her shivering body. Don’t overreact. Six months. Things couldn’t have changed that much in six months.

Sylus snarled, pounding at his chest, “This is me, Mira, and you acting like I’m some diseased dude up off the street.”

Mira tugged the roots of her hair. She closed her eyes to concentrate, blocking out his rant. Fishing through her memory, she searched for recent rumors of Sylus, but couldn’t find any. God, please don’t let this be happening. Not to me. Her eyes welled up with tears. Please, don’t let this be happening.

She heard his boots stomp toward her front door. He slammed it shut.

Relax, she thought. Just relax. What are the chances?

[Stay tuned: Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme, Beauty and the Beast…]

Suds – Season 1, Episode 17

2008-02-22T00:08:00.003-06:00

… a mini-soap opera that bubles with Love & Drama

[Last time on Suds, I was surprised that the crowd didn’t start chanting, “Ali, boom ba ye,” when Leilah and Shantel were about to throw down in the club. Why, you ask, because Terrance was being uber friendly with Leilah, and Shantel attempted to remedy the situation by stepping to Leilah, except Leilah sort of lost it and tried to rip the girl’s head off. The evening ended with a pile of threats, and Mira suggested that Leilah cool off before returning home to face her roommate again. Speaking of Mira, did anyone else notice that she was semi-enamored by our newcomer, Sylus.

Anywho, If you didn’t read the last few episodes, you probably should. Critics have dubbed them, “…juicy…” and “… oooooh juicy…”]

Darien started the engine. “You cool?”
Leilah nodded embarrassed by her behavior.
“I’m not trying to be forward or nothing like that. You know where I stand, but um…” He traced his rough braids. “We can chill at my place for a while. Like watch a movie or something.” Darien glanced out of the window before seeking for her answer.

Hesitantly, she nodded.
~~

Shantel’s eyes narrowed from confusion as she thought of how Darien interceded. Not only did he step in, he pushed the writhing maniac out of the club. He cares, she thought staring at the hall where they exited. He couldn’t stand by and let that tart attack me.

A dreamy smile appeared on her lips, piercing her cheeks with dimples of delight.

Relieved, Terrance hugged her. “…I’m so glad you understand.”
Huh, Shantel thought.
“It wasn’t nothing like that. You know you’re the only one for me.” Hunching his large frame over to nuzzle her neck, Terrance continued, “I already told you I love you girl.”
“I know, Baby.” Shantel’s voice was vacant of real emotion as she rested her head on his shoulder with her eyes fixed on the doorway, waiting for Darien to return. I knew he still cared for me, she thought.
~~

“Sy, I have to get back inside,” Mira said pulling away from his persistent kisses.
He drew her near, kissing her once more, “You just gon leave me like that… again?” His brows lifted in question.
“I did not leave you,” she retorted.
Sylus laughed, imitating her light tone, “Sy, I just don’t have time… I have a lot going on right now…” Heightening his pitch, he continued, “You play too much, Sy… Where were you? Huh, huh, where were you?”
“Good idea. Remind me of all the reasons I shouldn’t be standing here.”
“What if I remind you of a reason why you should?”

Sylus stole her breath, pressing his lips against hers with fierce intensity, removing all traces of indecision. His knuckles smoothed across her chin, and even as he slowly lifted his lips from hers, she could taste him.

Her long lashes fluttered as she tried to regain her senses. Gently pushing his hands from her hips, she said, “Um, I have to wrap this up.” Mira covered her bare mid section with her arms, suddenly feeling exposed although he had been wearing the skimpy top, fitted jeans, and knee high boots all night.

Mira walked to the front door of the club torn between her duty and her desires. She glanced back at Sylus who stood coolly, appraising her statuesque figure. Her stomach twisted and churned, tickling her internally.

With one hand on the door, she extended the other to Sylus. He smiled, took her hand, and went inside with Mira.
~~

Shantel expected to see Darien return with Mira, but he didn’t. She forced herself to look annoyed instead of disappointed as Mira and Sylus approached them.

“Everything cool,” Terrance asked Mira with concerned round eyes. His arm was molded around Shantel, but his mind was set on Leilah’s well being.
Mira assessed Terrance, realizing his duality, and intentionally said, “Everything is alright. Actually, Darien volunteered to take her home.”

Shantel stopped pretending to be uninterested and cast a dismayed glance at Mira. Her jaw tightened and she meagerly managed to choke back the first thoughts that came to mind. Quickly, her eyes darted in Terrance’s direction, hoping he didn’t notice her reaction, and then away to the dance floor. Shantel trained her expression into a state of nonchalance as she watched the bodies moving to the music.

Terrance rolled his lips together and nodded. Although, his reaction was less dramatic than Shantel’s, Mira noticed that the arm he draped around Shantel’s neck stiffened, and he was unable to speak for several seconds.

“Alright ya’ll,” Mira said. She gripped Sylus’ hand and meandered through the crowd. She thought about how Terrance approached Leilah earlier in the evening, and replayed Shantel’s reaction to Darien’s name. Perplexed, she attempted to understand their motives until Sylus whispered something in her ear that made her pleasantly curious about only one person’s motive… his.”
~~

“After this movie, you have to take me home.” Leilah folded her body onto Darien’s sofa wearing his oversized t-shirt and jogging pants.
Sitting next to her, he pressed play on the remote control. “What if I don’t want to take you home?”
“I think it’s cute that you think you have a choice.”
Darien laughed, “Alright Leilah Ali, lightweight champion of Carbondale.”
“Shut up,” Leilah laughed, snuggling into the cushy sofa.

He leaned back and placed his arm behind his head. They watched the previews in silence. “For real though, I would prefer if you stayed here tonight.”
Leilah raised her brows skeptically.
“Hear me out, at least.” His eyes were fixed on the flat screen television while he spoke earnestly. “You know your roommate, and from what I can see, you are not about to back down from her. If she is on some low down stuff, which she probably is, then something will go down tonight.”

Leilah nodded. She pulled her hair from her back, scooping it over her shoulder.
Darien lost his train of thought as he watched the simple act. The stands fell together as one, curving around her neck. He was transfixed by her unconscious beauty.

“What?” She asked when she noticed he was staring.

He shook his head rapidly, and leaned forward massaging his head. “Nothing… I just… If you leave, I’ll stay up all night worrying.”
“Worrying? That’s a strong sentiment for someone you barely know.”
Darien fixed his golden brown eyes on hers, and said, “It doesn’t seem strong enough considering how much more I want to know.”

His hypnotizing eyes captured her heart and took her to a tranquil place. Leilah forgot about everything that happened, and accepted the private invitation to be lost the sincerity of his eyes.

[Stay tuned: Our bubble bath is rapidly approaching Jacuzzi mode.]

Suds – Season 1, Episode 16

2008-02-20T23:23:00.003-06:00

… a mini-soap opera that bubbles with Love & Drama

[Last time on Suds, a whole lot was going down in the club. Shantel strutted her stuff on the dance floor with her sorority sisters, while Mira and Leilah searched the bar area for Darien who was definitely interested in Leilah. However, Leilah was accosted by Terrance’s eagerness. Is anyone else a little confused about who Terrance wants? Ms. Bossy or Lady Loner? If it’s Ms. Bossy, he has a serious problem because she was right back in her ex Darien’s face at the party. And if it’s Lady Loner, he still has a problem because I get the feeling she’s a little clumsy for Darien. The world is turning, the young are restless and the beauties are beyond bold, so let the hot water run and pour in the chamomile bath salt cause it’s time to get sudsy…]

“What about you?” Terrance asked Leilah. He stared deep into her eyes. “Are you secretive?”
“Depends…” Leilah smiled, tainting her voice with a sarcastic reminder, “Is your girlfriend?”

Instantly, Terrance remembered that Shantel was also in the club. His eyes darted around the room from the dance floor, to the game room and finally to the bar where they met Shantel’s cold glare.
~~
Somebody is in trouble, Leilah thought as Shantel came into view. Dude knows he is on a tight leash. He should have stayed at her heels where she thinks he belongs. Leilah stifled laughter as she looked up at Terrance who was clearly bracing himself for Shantel’s tantrum. Just as Leilah was about to leave the lovers to their spat, Shantel stepped up in her face.
“What did I tell you?” she snapped at Leilah.

Is she talking to me? Leilah glanced around for the other person Shantel had the gaud to approach in such a rude manner. There was no one else, and all eyes in the vicinity were looking at her like she had something to do with Shantel’s outburst. She can not be talking to me.

“Baby, calm down,” Terrance stepped between Leilah and Shantel.
“Calm down my behind. You cheating on me with my roommate,” Shantel screamed slapping his chest.

Roommate? Leilah thought. “Wait a minute,” she said aloud as she attempted to push Terrance’s massive frame from her view of the sociopath. “Are you talking about me?”

“Who else do you see smiling all up in my man’s face?” Shantel yelled.
Leilah blurted out a mixture of laughter and a gasp of disbelief. “Shantel, I already told you I don’t want your man.”
“Well, then stay away from him,” she screamed, clawing with all her might to get past Terrance.

Leilah chuckled, “Are you trying to fight me?”
“You better not go to sleep,” Shantel yelled. “I swear if you come back to the room you better sleep with one eye open.”

“I better not go to sleep,” Leilah repeated, skeptically. “I wish you would try to pull that mess with me.” Leilah directed herself to walk away, but Shantel’s words lit a small fire of rage inside her. And as she tried to be the bigger person and walk away, the threat resounded in Leilah’s mind blended with the visual of Shantel clawing to get at her.

“You heard me, you poverty ridden…” Shantel mouthed off a string of profane sentiments toward Leilah.

Leilah blinked.
Time slowed.
And all sounds disappeared.

She blinked again, and like a gust of wind, she was warped back to the images and sounds of Shantel hurling insults and threats at her.

Leilah’s eyes darkened. And like a hunter with its target in sight, Leilah lunged at Shantel.

Shantel’s eyes widened.
Terrance turned to buffer the attack.
Then a body collided with Leilah’s.

His arms wrapped tightly around her waist as Leilah writhed and wiggled out of the firm grip with such force that he almost fell.

“Let me go,” she roared, twisting her way out of his arms as he readjusted his grip. Then she shifted her attention to Shantel’s shocked face. “I will be home tonight. And I will sleep in my bed. And I dare you…Let me go!” she screamed again, hitting Darien’s back as he struggled to get her out of the club.
~~
“Man, Lei, you are a beast,” Mira laughed, sitting in the driver’s seat of Darien’s car.
“I can’t believe I let her take me there,” Leilah groaned rubbing her head.
“Well, you can believe I was just gonna stand there and watch you kill her.” She laughed again.
“This is not funny. I can’t be that person again. I am too old for this.”
“Yes, and too pretty.” Mira agreed, stroking her hair. “Don’t beat yourself up. Let it go, and move on. It was all just a big misunderstanding anyway.”

Leilah nodded remorsefully as she rubbed the black leather seats. “Whose car is this?”
“I have to stay her and wrap up the party, so Darien is going to take you home. Although, come to think of it, you might need some more time to cool off.”
“I’m fine. I just want to take a shower and go to bed.”

Leilah looked out of the window. Darien and Sylus were leaned against the trunk of the car, talking. “What’s up with you and Sylus?”
“The usual,” Mira smirked. “I kinda miss him.”
“You always say that right before he upsets you with the same tired games.”
“I guess my weakness comes in the form of a tall black man with a goatee.” Mira laughed as she embraced her friend. “Don’t go home yet because I don’t have any money to bail you out of jail.”

Mira climbed out of the car, said something to Darien, and walked back into the club on Sylus’ arm.

Darien started the engine. “You cool?”
Leilah nodded embarrassed by her behavior.
“I’m not trying to be forward or nothing like that. You know where I stand, but um…” He traced his rough braids. “We can chill at my place for a while. Like watch a movie or something.” Darien glanced out of the window before seeking for her answer.

Hesitantly, she nodded.

[Stay tuned: Drama, drama, drama… where’s the love? Find it tomorrow on Suds…]

Suds – Season 1, Episode 15

2008-02-19T23:58:00.003-06:00

… a mini-soap opera that bubbles with Love & Drama

[Last time on Suds, Leilah was stunned silent when Darien overheard her discussion with Mira about his sexual inactivity. And what’s with her feeling all jittery for the hazel-eyed hottie? Meanwhile, I’m uber curious about what’s happening with Shantel these days. Maybe we’ll have the luxury of dipping into her mischievous mind at the Safe Sex party. Let’s get back to our imaginary cast, wouldn’t want to miss any popping bubbles…]

Mira whirled around to see Darien standing coolly with his hands in his pockets and a book bag slung over one arm.
“When exactly was he tested,” she asked, unaffected while Leilah remained stunned with her back facing him.
“Last month,” he answered.
“Good,” she said. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some HIV awareness to spread.” She glanced at Leilah’s nerve-wrecked face, and then returned her gaze to Darien, “You should meet up with us at the Safe Sex Party tonight.” Leilah grimaced, barely moving. She focused on breathing. Next, she would try to find her voice.

Mira slinked away. Darien walked around the table and stood next to Leilah.
“What’s up?”
She shook her head, looking down at the ground. A chill trickled up her spine. She prayed he didn’t notice.

Soaking in the awkward silence, neither one was able to break through the tension.
“I have to get to class,” he said.
Leilah nodded, staring intently at her riding boots.
“See you tonight?” he asked.
She nodded, meeting his autumn eyes.
“Good.” He smiled. “Maybe we can get a few words in.”
Leilah laughed. “I’m sorry this is just… weird for me.”
“I know.” His understanding smile sparked a glint in his eye that made her insides melt into pudding.
~~
Shantel’s sophisticated, uninterested sway to the blaring beats awarded her the attention of girls who wished they could be her and guys who wanted to be with her. She twirled into Terrance’s arms, smiling happily when his arms snuggled her closer.

They were one of few people dancing, but Shantel didn’t mind basking in the unspoken praises of her beauty. The DJ switched to an upbeat hip hop track.

“Come on, girl,” Angel yelled over the music, pulling Shantel into their sorority line.
“I’ll be back, Baby,” she called to Terrance as she effortlessly slid into their pristine stroll.

Terrance made his way to the bar, scratching his head. It’s about time, he thought as he took his much needed break from Shantel. He enjoyed being with Shantel, but lately she had been clinging to him like saran wrap. Exhaling again, he looked up, saw her and stopped in his tracks.

Leilah, in her little black dress with golden stilettos and matching accessories, re-ignited the curious connection he felt the night he saw her on the highway. Without thinking, Terrance made large strides toward Leilah, hoping to reach her before anyone else had a chance to step in.
~~
“You’re man’s here,” Mira teased, squeezing Leilah into a hug.
“Would you stop?” Leilah said through clenched teeth, although she scanned the sparsely populated club for Darien.
“He’s at the bar,” Mira sang.

Leilah flashed Mira a guilty smile and searched the bar area. Instead, she found Terrance smiling widely right before he scooped her into an embrace that bordered the line between friendly and a little more than friendly.

Shocked, Leilah barely grazed his shoulders to return the hug and released quickly. Terrance finally un-wrapped her, and both she and Mira fought to restrain their puzzled expressions.

“What’s up girl,” he said, happily placing his hands in his pockets.
~~
Shantel stopped strolling, slid out of the line, and walked briskly until she reached him.
“Hey,” she said.
Although Darien knew she would be at the party, he was surprised to see her standing beside him wearing a mischievous smile.
“Hey Shantel.”
“Ooh, why so formal?” she sang playfully. “I remember when I was just Tel.”
“And, I remember when you said your name was ‘Shan-tel.”
Shantel smiled, leaning closer to him, “That was only because we were having a little fight, but were past that, right?”
“We’re good,” he said, taking a sip of his water.
“Let me buy you a beer.”
“I’m good,” he said.
“Don’t you want to be better,” she teased, stepping closer.
“Naw, I’m cool,” he said, searching his pocket for his phone, and moving away slightly.

Darien sensed the abrupt change in her composure. He knew she noticed he was pulling away from her, and he learned through experience that she didn’t really accept the word ‘no.’ He quickly changed the subject, “Where’s Terrance?”

Shantel smiled, and glanced around the filling club pretending to look for Terrance. But she actually found him… with Leilah. The blood drained from her face as she remembered Leilah’s snide remark about Terrance’s fidelity. Her manicured nails cut into her skin as she balled her fists. And her face became hard and cold like steel.

“Shantel?” Darien called. She didn’t respond, she barely even heard him. “Shantel?” he called again. Then he traced her glare across the crowded room, adjusting his eyes against the flashing lights, and found the source of her rapid fury.

Questions bubbled in his own mind as he saw Leilah’s pleasant smile directed at Terrance.
~~
“What’s up, T,” Sylus said folding Terrance into a manly embrace.
“Not much, Sy. You know Leilah and Mira, right?”
“What up, Lei.”
“Nothing Sy,” Leilah responded with a smile.
“And you,” he continued lifting Mira’s hand to his lips. “Can I get to know you better, girl?”
“Uh, no,” Mira teased, leaping into Sylus’ arms. They disappeared in the crowd.

“I didn’t know dude had it like that,” Terrance chuckled.
“He doesn’t. They’ve been on and off since freshman year.”
“Word? I ain’t never heard about that.”
“Verb. Mira’s secretive.”
Terrance laughed. “You know, every time I say ‘word’ now, I end up thinking about verbs.”
Leilah smiled, remembering their last conversation that was forced by circumstance.

“What about you?” He asked. “Are you secretive?”
“Depends.” Leilah said sarcastically, “Is your girlfriend?”

Instantly, Terrance remembered that Shantel was also in the club. His eyes darted around the room from the dance floor, to the game room and finally to the bar where they met Shantel’s cold glare.

[Stay tuned: If looks could kill… let’s just thank God they can’t… ]

Suds – Season 1, Episode 14

2008-02-19T09:18:00.002-06:00

… a mini-soap opera that bubbles with Love & Drama

[Last time on Suds, wait, let me take a deep breath first. Inhale. Exhale. Okay. Darien broke up with Shantel to spend more time with God. Shantel lost it a smidge and tried to off herself. Enter Terrance to pick up the pieces of her broken heart. Let’s not forget that Terrance and Darien were roommates their freshman year until…Darien had sex with Terrance’s girlfriend. Gasp. Let’s speed up, shall we? Leilah, Shantel’s roommate has sparked the interest of both of Shantel’s guys, and it will be interesting to see how psychotic things become when Shantel learns of Darien’s attraction to Leilah.

Now back to Leilah’s simple response after Darien fesses up to practicing abstinence for God.]

“Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex.” Hebrews 13:4 MSG

“Wow,” Leilah said smoothing her hairline. She turned her attention to Darien who did not return her gaze.
He rolled his lips between clenched teeth, waiting for her reaction.
“How long?” she asked.
“A couple months.”
“Oh,” was all she said in response.

Hesitantly, he shifted his warm hazel eyes to her frozen face, tightened by a stiff smile. Leilah looked at the passage briefly and then back to Darien.

“Um…” Unable to find the right words, she adjusted her messenger bag on her shoulder, feeling the weight that would leave bruises on her butternut skin. “Good for you.” Leilah smiled awkwardly and left.
~~

“Mira,” Leilah panicked, “What am I supposed to do with that?” She tugged at the rope of rubbers around her neck. “And this thing is itching,” she complained.
“Where is your bottle?” Mira rolled her eyes.

Mira’s team of HIV/AIDS advocates lined the entire path from the bridge to the student center passing out flyers, condoms, and ushering groups of students to the nearby rally. Passing Leilah a bowl of condoms, Mira said, “Here hand these out.”
Leilah rolled her eyes, taking the bowl.

“It’s not that bad,” Mira sighed as a group of guys approached. The tallest in the group dug deep into Mira’s bowl, eying her seductively. Then he stuffed his pockets with her free goodies. Disgust seeped through Mira’s calm façade the instant he walked away. She turned to Leilah, “At least he’s not eyeballing you're like a piece of meat. Sickening.” Mira dusted her clothes as though the guy’s disrobing glare could have infected her.

“I can’t get involved with him,” Leilah whispered with evident regret.
Mira stopped advocating and stared at her friend. Leilah appeared as radiant as the day before, except traces of confusion were etched into wrinkles on her forehead. “You really like him,” Mira said compassionately.
“It doesn’t even make sense. It’s sloppy, complicated, and bound to get messy.”
“And you still like him.”
“I don’t even know him.” Leilah leaned against the flyer-littered table behind her.
“But you like him.” Mira perched beside her.

Staring at her bowl of silver, gold, and black sealed discs, Leilah said, “Even if I did like him, there’s that God boundary. Sex is not even on the table.”
“… or on the floor.”
“… or in the shower.”
They laughed, momentarily dispelling the weight of the discussion.

Mira sighed, “A fine man, who happens to be aware of God, is genuinely interested in you. I know because I saw it with my own two eyes. How often does that happen?”
“I don’t know. This might be too much for me. I don’t have time to be involved, and I’m probably reading too much into this thing anyway. It might be nothing at all.”
“Oh, it’s something alright. You’ve been wearing blinders for the past three years and all of a sudden they’re gone, completely, for this dude. It’s almost magical, like a fairytale,” Mira smiled.
“Yes, it’s very Cinderella. Shall I rejoice when he marries me and adopts all six of my kids?” Leilah smirked sarcastically.

Mira laughed. “Whatever. He’s interested, you’re interested, just try it on and see where goes.” She crossed her ankles. “I would offer you some more condoms, but I don’t want God getting mad at me for corrupting his plans for Darien... and I guess if you're feeling Darien, it's his plan for you too.”

Mira pondered the possibility, but Leilah dropped the bowl on the table, and muffled her face, groaning. “How can I become involved in a no sex relationship? We might as well just be friends.”
“Personally, I think it’s good that he’s off sex,” Mira said matter-of-factly. “That gives you more time to have him tested for HIV.”

“He’s already been tested,” a smooth bass voice noted from behind them.
Leilah’s eyes slammed shut and her heart took off at an overwhelming pace, leaving her unsteadied body behind to suffer from hyperventilation.

Mira whirled around to see Darien standing coolly with his hands in his pockets and a book bag slung over one arm.
“When exactly was he tested,” she asked, unaffected while Leilah remained stunned with her back facing him.
“Last month,” he answered.
“Good,” she said. “If you’ll excuse me, I have some awareness to spread.” She glanced at Leilah’s nerve-wrecked face, and then returned her gaze to Darien, “You should meet up with us at the Safe Sex Party tonight.”

Leilah grimaced, barely moving. She focused on breathing. Next, she would try to find her voice.

[Stay tuned: You never know who will pop up next…]

Suds – Season 1, Episode 13

2008-02-15T10:09:00.001-06:00

… a mini-soap opera that bubbles with Love & Drama

[Last time on Suds, things got even more complicated. We didn’t see Shantel because she was hemmed up with her man, Terrance. And while she was out of the picture, Darien had an unobstructed view of her roommate, Leilah. The view was so beautiful that he just sat there staring at her until he was busted. Meanwhile, Mira roped Leilah into a promise to wear a chain of rubbers for the HIV/AIDS awareness campaign. So without any further a due, let’s pick up where we left off...]

Leilah watched Mira sashay out of the room, the object of every male’s attention. Slowly, Leilah turned her head in Darien’s direction, convinced that he would also be watching Mira stroll away. Instead, she found his eyes fixed on hers again, almost like he was waiting for an invitation.

Yeah right, Leilah thought as she sat down at the library table. The last thing I need is for that neurotic roommate of mine to think I’m into her scraps. She picked up her pen and became engrossed in her studies.

~~

“Hey sorer!” Shantel sang, releasing Terrance’s hand to slightly embrace Mira. Then she pulled away quickly with her phony smile still in tact. “So, what’s going on? It’s like we never see each other outside of meetings and community service.”

Mira pressed her lips together and nodded. “You know how it gets, crazy schedules and all. What’s up, Terrance? Are you all coming out to the Safe Sex Party tomorrow night?’

“Tomorrow, I thought it was on Friday,” Terrance said rubbing his jaw.
“Nope, you know we can only book Carboz on Thursday nights. You guys should come through.” Shantel looped her arm around Terrance’s, and leaned into him.

He is your man, I get it, Mira thought as she glanced away to avoid rolling her eyes at her sorority sister. “So, then I’ll see you all tomorrow night.” Mira started to walk away. “Oh,” she said digging in her bag as she turned back. “Let me give you some condom bracelets to wear for awareness day.”

Terrance reached out to grab one, but Shantel pulled his hand away. “Thanks,” she said, squinting her eyes, “but we prefer to keep private matters private. Good luck with your… um… thing,” she said looking at the condom bracelets in Mira’s hands. Then she walked away with Terrance in tow.
“Thanks, Mira. We’ll come out and support tomorrow night,” Terrance said trying to smooth over Shantel’s snuff.

“Thanks, Terrance,” Mira called over her shoulder while she handed the bracelets to a couple students walking by.

~~

Darien tried to focus on the words that jumbled together on the page before him. They made sense, but what didn’t make was the stirring desire to be close to Leilah. He barely noticed the girl before, she rarely socialized, and from what he could see, she only had one friend, Mira. What was he so into her all of a sudden?

After much internal deliberation, he lifted his eyes from the black letters to the table where she sat. She was gone. Her books, her bag, everything was gone. His eyes darted around the busy first floor of the library from the computer tables, to the stacked books, and back to her table in disbelief.

He sighed, leaning back in his chair and rubbing his eyes. What is wrong with me? I’m supposed to be taking some time off from girls. Something brushed against his arm.

Alarmed, he lifted his hands from his eyes. Then he blinked to make sure the girl leaning against his table was Leilah.
“Do you want to tell me why you’re hawking me?” she asked.
“Hawking you?”
“Yes, as in staring continuously. Or would you prefer to frolic in denial?”
“Frolic in denial,” he chuckled.
“Yeah, I was studying Shakespeare, but of course you probably already know that,” she teased.

His golden brown eyes were amused as he admired the front seat view of her carefree smile. “You chain of rubbers would bring out the maroon in your shirt,” he grinned, admitting to his eavesdropping.
“Ha ha,” Leilah laughed sarcastically as she reached into her bag, pulled out her necklace, and roped it around his neck. “Mira will be pleased to have such an outgoing student as you advocating for HIV/AIDS awareness.” She folded her arms around her chest, nodding, “And just think of all the benefits you’ll reap with such an inviting rope chain thingy.” Leilah laughed, pleased with her ingenious plan to avoid being clad in latex.

“I’m all for HIV awareness, but,” he pulled off the chain, and placed in on his book. “I’m not accepting benefits these days.”

Leilah’s brows dipped in surprise as the many rumors of Darien and his infidelities came to mind. “What exactly does that mean?”

He swirled the condom chain around the page he had been reading while Leilah waited for him to formulate his answer. Then he pushed the chain aside and tapped the book in front of him twice.
Leilah looked down at where he was pointing. The only highlighted passage on the page caught her attention and she read.

“Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex.” Hebrews 13:4 MSG

“Wow,” Leilah said smoothing her hairline. She turned her attention to Darien who did not return her gaze. He rolled his lips between his clenched teeth, waiting for her reaction.
“How long?” she asked.
“A couple months.”
“Oh,” was all she said in response.

[Stay tuned: Oh… what else is there to say? Find out tomorrow…]

Suds – Season 1, Episode 12

2008-02-14T08:16:00.006-06:00

… a mini-soap opera that bubbles with Love & Drama

[Last time on Suds, Shantel had Terrance wrapped around her manipulative little finger. Darien was a no show. And Leilah had to remind Shantel that she was not one to play “trivial” games. Something tells me that this is not the end of their little tiff.

Meanwhile, get excited people because I am pleased to introduce a new addition to our imaginary cast. Drum roll please…let’s all give a few squirts of soap for Meagan Good who will be playing the role of Mira. Check her out!]

“Oh, and Shantel,” Leilah continued in a courteous tone. “In the future, I would greatly appreciate if you would keep your relationship drama to yourself. I try not to stay abreast of trivial nonsense.” Then she smiled like a flight attendant, further infuriating her roommate.

Shantel snatched the bag from her desk and stormed out of the room.
~~

Textbooks bent open to highlighted pages and scribbled notebooks covered the library table that Leilah was hunched over. Absentmindedly, she punched the retractable pen in and out, creating a steady rhythm that she vaguely heard.

A nearby student cleared his throat, and cast an irritated glance at her.
Leilah mouthed, ‘sorry’ and dropped her pen on the table.
Leaning back into the squeaky chair, she ran her fingers through her hair, lifting clumps of well straightened strands to the sky before letting them fall.

Aside from the pains of studying, Leilah was having a delightful day. The bags under her eyes were gone, compliments of her hours being slashed at the Laundromat. And although her finances were unstable, she was able to experience the luxury of sleep. Each day she awoke with even more energy than the day before. She even freed her hair from the wound ponytail she imagined she would wear to her grave. Leilah studied for the Finance test that she was certain she’d pass, and she even had a chance to catch up on a few sit-coms. Her little spat with Shantel had the girl attached to “her man’s” hip, and Leilah had the room all to herself.

Leilah grinned at the beauty of the past two and a half days. Although, she imagined Terrance was bearing the brunt of the prima donna’s anger.
Sorry Terrance, Leilah thought, but she really wasn’t sorry at all. A smile curved onto Leilah’s lips, she scooped up her pen, and returned to her studies.
~~

He saw her sitting three tables away, and couldn’t keep his eyes off her. She seemed different, happier. He rubbed his eyes, forcing them to look at the small black print before him. Focus, man, Focus. She’s Shantel’s roommate, he reminded himself. It won’t work.

Several minutes passed and he was able to ignore the lure of her smile. Then he stole another glance that lingered longer than a minute. His eyes lingered on the soft curve of her jaw line and her slender fingers as they massaged her temples. He watched as she turned the pages of her text, highlighted, and wrote. His eyes traced her movements as she swept her hair behind her shoulder blade, returned to her notes and smiled again, blissfully.
~~

Leilah happened to look up from her books at the same time her curvy best friend, Mira, stepped into the room. Clad in Baby Phat that fit like a second layer of skin, Mira silently commanded notice from every testosterone-bearer in the room.

Her full lips curved into a bow of excitement when she saw Leilah’s smiling face.
“Mira Mira on the wall…” Leilah sang.
“Who’s the fairest of them all?” Mira teased, stroking her own creamy, tapioca cheek in mock surprise.
“Me!” Leilah laughed greedily, then jumped up embracing Mira.

“Where have you been, girl?” Mira said, still holding Leilah’s hands.
“You already know. Work, kids, school, work. What’s been up with you?” Leilah asked, pushing her books aside and freeing space for them to perch against the table.
“Well, over the past month,” Mira placed extra emphasis on the word month, which Leilah ignored. “I’ve been studying, kicking it, promoting HIV/AIDS awareness, you know the usual.” She ended with a shrug and a smile.

Mira stared at Leilah noting her hair was down, her dark jeans fit well, and her long-sleeved maroon tee clung to her flawless figure.

“Girl, you look good!”
“Don’t be so surprised.” Leilah pretended to be offended. “It happens occasionally.”
“Well, I hope it happens again tomorrow because,” she reached into her messenger bag, pulling out a colorful necklace made out of condoms.
“No,” Leilah groaned.
“Yes,” Mira insisted. “I need you to wear this for HIV/AIDS awareness day.
“No, Mira. I’m not wearing that. What would I look like walking around with rubbers hanging from my neck?”
Mira stuffed the unusual necklace into Leilah’s hand with a stash of brochures. “You’ll look smart considering that the highest number of new HIV/AIDS cases are among young black females.”
“No, I’ll look like I’m draped with an invitation for cocky sexual advances.”
“So, ignore them,” Mira shrugged. “Better yet, tell them that an estimated 40,000 people in the U.S. become infected with HIV each year.”

Leilah prepared another rebuttal.
“Please, Lei, please.” Mira begged with wide eyes. “Just wear it.”
A breathy sigh escaped Leilah’s lips. “Fine,” she conceded.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” Mira grinned, squeezing Leilah into a snug hug. Then she whispered, “Be cool and glance to your left.”

Leilah did as instructed and witnessed Darien’s eyes, the color of fall, fixated on her. Instantly, he averted his eyes, leaving Leilah speechless.

“He was staring at you when I walked in, and I’m pretty sure he can play back our entire conversation… verbatim.” Mira released Leilah. They both looked over at his table again. Darien met their gaze, gave a slightly embarrassed wave, and returned his attention to the book in front of him.

“Why?” Leilah finally managed.
“I don’t know.” Mira said, “Go ask him. I gotta go. Call me later.”

Leilah watched Mira sashay out of the room, the object of every male’s attention. Slowly, Leilah turned her head in Darien’s direction, convinced that he would also be watching Mira stroll away.

Instead, she found his eyes fixed on hers again, almost like he was awaiting an invitation of some kind.

[Stay tuned: Oh my gosh!! Is this love at almost first sight? Find out tomorrow.]

Suds - Season 1, Episode 11

2008-02-13T08:20:00.001-06:00

… a mini-soap opera that bubbles with Love & Drama

[Last time on Suds, um, can anybody tell me exactly what happened to Darien? My guess is that he was strongly advised by the big guy upstairs to let Shantel figure out her consolation issues alone. Meanwhile, Terrance and Darien used to be roommates? And Darien slept with Terrance’s ex girlfriend? Well that’s interesting, although perhaps not as interesting as Shantel’s response to seeing “her man” with Leilah.]

The cat inside Shantel clawed when Terrance turned to Leilah and said, “No problem. Next time you’re heading out to the city, you can catch a ride with us. That way you won’t have to worry about your car making it.”

How long were they together? Shantel wondered. Is that why he didn't answer my calls? Baffled, Shantel caught a glimpse of her roommate’s coy smile before she quickly shifted her gaze from Terrance’s face to the floor. That downtrodden trick is trying to steal my man, she fumed.

“Yeah, well, thanks again,” Leilah said, sliding her bag near her closet, and retreated to the bathroom they shared with the neighboring room.

Shantel held a phony smile in place across her lips in an effort to prevent spewing accusations at Terrance. He glanced at the bathroom door, then walked over to Shantel, kissed her on the cheek and sat next to her on the bed.

“When did we go back to first grade,” she smiled half-heartedly. “Only my Nana kisses me on the cheek.”
“Oh yeah,” he asked leaning forward to avoid eye contact. “Where does Darien kiss you?”
~~

Leilah washed her face wishing she had grabbed her toiletries so she could at least have taken a shower while she waited for Terrance to leave. Looking into the mirror, she tugged at the brown puffs under her eyes with hopes that a good night’s sleep would make them less noticeable.

Leilah sat on the toilet and called her little sister, Lalique.
“What up, Chic,” the almost seventeen year old squealed. “You coming home this weekend?”
Leilah rolled her eyes unable to decline, “Yeah, I’ll be there.” She prayed her car was up to the task. “Do you know what you want for your birthday?”
“Not quite yet, but I’ll let you know.”
“How’s my Tu Tu?”
“Girl, she threw a fit when you left. I started to lock her behind in the bathroom for interrupting my show.” Lalique’s unique laugh cackled through the phone.
“You better leave my baby alone.”
“Whatever, that lil chic is spoiled… rotten. You all need to stop babying her.”
“Tell her I’ll be back this weekend.”

Leilah hung up the phone, accepted her lot for the millionth time, and prayed for strength to continue.
~~

“What are you talking about?” An outraged Shantel almost screamed at Terrance while masking her internal panic.
“You tell me.” Terrance said in a dry tone. “I just saw him drive off. What other reason would he have for being here?”
“Are you accusing me of cheating on you? This is a seventeen story building…” Her eyes bulged, and then narrowed in disgust. “Get out.” Shantel leapt off her bed, stormed to the door, and opened it. “Out, now!”

Standing firm with her arms crossed, she watched him rise sluggishly from her bed and dawdle towards the door. But, he didn’t leave. Instead, he rested his forehead on hers and whispered, “I’m sorry.”
“No, you’re not,” she pouted.
“Baby, I’m sorry. It’s just these flashbacks. I didn’t mean to compare you to her. I’m sorry.”

Filled with remorse, he wrapped her arms around her, pleading.
Shantel hugged him back, giggling as he lifted her into the air.
“Are you still kicking me out?” He asked with raised brows over puppy dog eyes.
“Yes,” she grinned, “but I’ll meet you downstairs. I just want to pack a few things.”
Relieved, he kissed her and left, forgetting the curious connection he felt with Leilah.
~~

Leilah waited a few minutes after she heard the door close then returned to the room.
“Hi Leilah,” Shantel said, a smile plastered on her face as she leaned against the door.
“Oh, hey” Leilah answered, slightly irritated that Shantel felt a need to speak to her. She hoped Shantel would have left with Terrance. Opening her drawer and pulling out her toiletries, she realized Shantel was glaring at her. You have got to be kidding, Leilah thought.

She turned to face Shantel, items in hand. “Is there something I can do for you?”
“Yes,” Shantel answered, matching Leilah’s aggravated stance. “Stay – away – from my – man.”

Leilah dumped her items into her shower caddy and took a deep, calming breath. “I don’t have time for this,” she said wearily, walking back to the restroom.
Shantel continued glaring.
Leilah stopped with her hand on the doorknob, laughing at the absurdity of the situation. “Lil girl, I do not want your man,” she said.
“I saw the way you looked at him.”
Slightly embarrassed, Leilah continued, “I have more respect for myself than to dabble with guys that already have girlfriends.”
“I should hope so,” Shantel said curtly, looking Leilah up and down.

Stun tightened Leilah’s face before quickly shaping into polite rage. “Maybe you should be less concerned about me and redirect your attention to ‘your man.” She emphasized the last part of her statement, sprinkling doubt as to whether Terrance was really as faithful as Shantel imagined he was.

“Just what is that supposed to mean?” Shantel snapped, taken aback by the comment. She didn’t know exactly what happened between Leilah and Terrance and neither of them had mentioned the degree of innocence involved.

“Why don’t you ask him?” Leilah said widening her eyes condescendingly.
Seething in anger, Shantel yanked her jeans on and fastened them.

“Oh, and Shantel,” Leilah continued in a courteous tone. “In the future, I would greatly appreciate if you would keep your relationship drama to yourself. I try not to stay abreast of trivial nonsense.” Then she smiled like a flight attendant further infuriating her roommate.

Shantel snatched her bag from her desk and stormed out of the room.

[Stay tuned: Soak up all the Love & Drama tomorrow on Suds]

Suds - Season 1, Episode 10

2008-02-12T08:33:00.000-06:00

… a mini-soap opera that bubbles with Love & Drama

[Last time on Suds, while Leilah and Terrance were busy becoming chums on the drive back to campus, Shantel curled into a ball on the floor, crying profusely. Am I the only one that’s concerned here? Meanwhile, Darien fastened on his Mighty Mouse hat ready to save the day, except…]

Opening his car door, Darien attempted to swing his foot out. It didn't move. His body became heavy like a mixture of iron and lead. His legs were cemented to the floor, and try as he might, he could not shift his posterior in any direction. He struggled unsuccessfully to climb out of the vehicle, tiring himself in the process.

Finally, the heaviness won, and he closed his car door, confused. Resting his head on the steering wheel, Darien prayed.
“Tell me what to do, God.”
Go home.

Darien lifted his head from the steering wheel, looking around although he didn’t exactly hear anything. He only sensed that he was being guided back to his house. Perplexed, he turned the key in his ignition and drove away slowly.

~~

After a warm shower, Shantel slid into a pair of boy shorts and a fitted white tee. Brushing her hair into a dangling ponytail, she couldn’t help but to appreciate the radiance of her cocoa-brown skin even without make-up. Darien will be here any minute, she thought. And, I’ll be aloof. He won’t be able to leave if he thinks I’m disconnecting from the world. She smiled into the mirror, pleased to see her eyes were not puffy from her previous emotional down pour. Sitting on her bed, she slid on a pair of checkered, knee-high socks. Sexy and innocent, he won’t know what to do, she grinned.

“Hey.” Shantel practiced her surprised appearance in the full body mirror between her bed and Leilah’s. Her absentee roommate was the next best thing to having a single room. Shantel tilted her head to the left, testing the greeting in a dry tone, “Hey.” Nope, that’s too Eeyore.

She tried again, saying more with her eyes as they widened in synthetic shock, then returned to normal. She followed the expression with a quick, low “hey”. Then cast her eyes away. Perfect, she thought, and she practiced the greeting until it became second nature.

~~

Leilah was excited to find a parking space less than ten feet away from her dormitory. She thought she would have to park in the furthest lot and trek back to her dorm.
“Thanks again, Terrance,” she said into her speakerphone. “But really, you don’t have to walk me to my room.”

Leilah’s car, wound into the last parking space. Seeing no other spaces, Terrance parked in the tow zone directly in front of the dorm. I’ll only be here for a few minutes, he thought. As he pulled up, he recognized Darien’s car as it drove away. Terrance’s eyes darkened as he contemplated what reason other than Shantel, his former roommate would have to be parked in front of the 21 and over dorm.

“Are you sleeping?” Leilah asked.
“Naw, naw, I’m here.”
“You heard me, right." Her voice sounded labored through the phone, "You don’t have to come up. I’m a big girl, and the problem is already parked.”

He glanced over and saw Leilah had already locked her car and was walking toward the entrance, trying to balance a large duffle bag, while keeping the phone close to her ear.
Terrance turned off his cell phone, hopped out of his truck, and ran to help her.

Leilah's eyes were happy in spite of the tiresome shadows that framed them. “If you insist,” she teased allowing him to carry her bag.
“Man, what you got in here,” he complained dropping the bag to the floor.
“Really, you don’t have to do this,” she offered again.
“It’s cool, I gotta check up on your roommate anyway.”
Leilah nodded.

~~

Ugh, Shantel groaned when she heard the key twisting the door. Doesn’t she have a toilet to scrub or a load of laundry to wash, she thought. Leilah’s two jobs kept her so busy that Shantel rarely saw her, and now when Shantel was seconds away from having Darien back, the hopeless girl decided to show up.

The door swung open. Shantel didn’t bother to look up. Instead, she pretended to be engulfed in the Sex and the City rerun that ushered light into the otherwise dark room. As custom, she didn’t expect to exchange pleasantries with Leilah. How am I supposed to do this now? She wondered as she watched Carrie smoking a cigarette on the front stairs, when cutie pie Aiden caught her cheating, in more ways than one. Shantel cracked a smile at the commonality she and Carrie shared – the sweet, loving, and doting boyfriend.

“What’s up, Shantel,” the doting boyfriend said, wielding Leilah’s bag.

Shantel’s eyes leapt from the bag to his proximity to her roommate, and searched for clues as to why they were together.
“Uh, hey,” she responded with authentic surprise.

“Thanks again,” Leilah said taking her dusty duffle bag from Terrance. She works at a Laundromat you’d think she would at least wash the bag, Shantel criticized.

The cat inside Shantel clawed when Terrance said, “No problem. Next time you’re heading out to the city, you can catch a ride with us. That way you won’t have to worry about your car making it.” How long were they together? Is that why he didn't answer my calls? Baffled, Shantel noticed her roommate's blushing smile before Leilah shifted her eyes quickly from his face to the floor. That downtrodden trick is trying to steal my man, she fumed.

[Stay tuned: Lil Mama said, “It’s poppin, it’s poppin, it’s poppin, it ain’t stopping”]

Suds – Season 1, Episode 9

2008-02-11T13:14:00.000-06:00

… a mini-soap opera that bubbles with Love & Drama

[Last time on Suds, poor Shantel sunk into depression from lack of having a man to affirm her beauty and worth. Sidebar: Ladies, this is completely unnecessary as we have been fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). Meanwhile, her man, Terrance, was making arrangements to whisper sweet nothings into the ears of her roommate, Leilah. The nerve! Shantel’s only recourse for console in “her man’s” absence – both physical and emotional – was to seek comfort from the person who sent her spiraling into depression in the first place, her ex, Darien. Is the air thick enough, yet?]

Shantel woke up, groggy. She stared at the blurry numbers on the clock until her eyes adjusted to the shapes. It was almost ten o’clock at night, and Terrance still had not called her. Fishing through her contacts, she found a number and dialed.
“Shantel?”
“Yeah, Darien, it’s me.” She didn’t recognize the dry voice that came from her own mouth. Shantel turned onto her back staring vacantly at the ceiling of her dorm. She felt herself sinking away from her cares into a thick, dark place.

“Shantel?” Darien called gently as though sensing her frailty, “I’m not trying to brush you off. You’ll always be special to me.”
“Not special enough to be with you, though,” she whispered without emotion.
“Tel, I mean, Shantel. This really isn’t about you.” He said speaking softly enough to buffer the painful truth she would hear in his words.
“That’s right,” she said sarcastically, “It’s about God.”
“Yes, Shantel, it is about God, and everything we were is nothing He wants me to be.” He rubbed his braids while sitting on the sofa in his cramped, one bedroom apartment. “Me and you, Shantel, were mainly about one thing. We can’t even be in the same car together without trying to go back to that place. And, I’m not trying to be mean, but outside of that, there really ain’t anything between us.”

Shantel gasped, snapping out of her melancholy state, “How can you say that?”
“Come on Tel.” Darien slapped his hand on his forehead and corrected himself, “Shantel, be real.”

She sat up, swinging her feet off the bed and paced across the room. Her mind raced through various plots and schemes. Instantly, she brewed a fresh batch of tears. She stood in the middle of her room, and gave herself completely to the illusion of sadness. “So, that’s really all I was to you?” she whimpered, exerting every bit of anguish she could muster. Mortified cries escaped her lips as she crumbled to the floor, rocking back and forth.

Her cries pierced his heart, and guilt bore down on him. “Shantel,” he begged.
“Just forget it,” she cried through excess leakage of tears and her dripping nose.
“Shantel,” he called a second time with more desperation in his voice. He knew better than anyone the possible implications of Shantel’s depression. Their breakups alone required three times before he was able to part and know she wouldn’t make an attempt on her own life. And even then, it was only because Terrance – still full of hatred for Darien – stepped in as her new love interest.
“Just forget it!” she screamed, clutching her hair at the root. She curled into a ball and let out a shrill scream.

The phone clicked. Darien could only hear the dial tone.
~~
“Favorite or least favorite moment of Spring Break,” Terrance asked following Leilah’s car as they exited I-57, less than thirty minutes from campus.
“Least favorite,” Leilah laughed, and surprising herself, she answered in truth, “When my Granny knocked me out... literally.”
“For real,” he chuckled, “Did you step out of pocket with Grans?”
“Uh-uh, case of mistaken identity. Your turn.”

Terrance grimly remembered the way Shantel stared longingly at Darien on the beach. His hand gripped tightly around the steering wheel as an image of his former roommate and his freshman girlfriend protruded his thoughts. He grimaced.

Trying to hide his frustration, he answered in a normal tone, “I’m gon have to pass on that one.”
“Booo,” Leilah objected. “No fair, I told you mine.”
“Alright, free range, ask me something else. Anything else and I’ll answer.”

Leilah sorted through her mind, “Let me think.” She thought of many questions, but none seemed appropriate considering he belonged to someone else. She decided to stay in neutral territory. “Where do you see yourself in ten years?”
“That’s your question? Sounds like something I had to write about in high school.”
“Then you should have no problem answering,” she teased, appreciating the sibling-like banter they shared.

Terrance grinned as he spoke to the cute and mildly comedic girl. Her laugh was full of life and her family stories overflowed with love in spite of hardship. As he answered the questions and listened to hers, he began to forget about Shantel, and his three year vendetta against Darien was suddenly less important.
~~
Darien parked in the tow zone in front of Shantel’s dormitory, feeling compelled to check on her. He couldn’t bear the thought of her hurting herself. On some level, he felt it would be his fault.

Opening his car door, he attempted to swing his foot out. It didn't move. His body became heavy like a mixture of iron and lead. His legs felt as though they were cemented to the floor and try as he might, he could not shift his posterior in any direction. He struggled unsuccessfully to climb out of the vehicle, tiring himself in the process.

Finally, the heaviness won, and he closed his car door, confused. Resting his head on the steering wheel, Darien prayed.

[Stay tuned: The swirling bubbles of boyfriends and betrayal are bound to 'pop goes the weasel'.]

The Loveliest Moments

2008-02-11T09:11:00.000-06:00

So, I teach teenagers about God, except lately it's been tougher than I care to admit. At one point, I used to live for those teaching moments in front of my class of adolescents where they hung on my every word... LOL! That totally didn't happen :o) But sometimes while I would teach, I could see those whose hearts had been pricked by something I mentioned about God. It's probably one of the most beautiful sights in the world.

Except lately, I feel blind. It feels like nothing I say to the room of twenty or so kids really makes a difference. They would rather talk amongst each other, roll their eyes at groups of other girls in the class that they don't particularly care for, and have me begging God for just an ounce of patience. And after all that, I leave the class room, drained, desperately craving a nap and a whole pack of Chewy Chocolate Chips Ahoy cookies... from Target, and about $100 dollars worth of items I don't need. I leave the class room defeated, and ready to throw in the towel... again.

Yesterday, I was up to teach for the second week in a row. I was certain I would lose all my hair trying to convey the importance of the day's lesson to my teens, John 15:4 "Remain in me..." Surprisingly, they were less 'active' than the previous week. And while I don't think I did a great job teaching the lesson, they listened.

After class, I mingled with my students, and a girl (15 or 16) I had been teaching on and off for about two years said, "Hey Makeda".
"Hi Hon, I haven't seen you in a while. How are you?" By the way, this part is me.
"I know, my daddy work on Sundays now. You signed that scripture in my eight grade graduation book," she said as I opened a nearby bible to 1 Cor. 13, and handed it to another young lady.
"I sure did, didn't I?"
"Yup, that's where I go in the bible every time somebody make me mad, and I just read it over and over again."
"Really?" I said, and now that I think about it, I probably should have done a better job hiding my surprise :o)

This young girl used to be hot tempered, always ready to fight, and cared little for those around her. And while I was on my hiatus from ministry, she would call my cell phone every other month with a problem that I would talk her through. I've watched her grow into a lovely young lady, and I can only imagine the changes God still has in store for her.

Amongst the not so great teaching days, I'm privy to many lovely moments, this was one of the loveliest, to make an impact on a young life when it feels like none can be made on any.

Love 1 Cor. 13,
Makeda

Suds – Season 1, Episode 8

2008-02-08T16:23:00.000-06:00

… a mini-soap opera that bubbles with Love & Drama

[Last time on Suds, Darien turned Shantel down for God! Deep gasp… I’ll give you a minute to recollect your thoughts… Ready? Good, because while Shantel was busy not getting busy, Terrance played the role of roadside assistance and scooped up a Leilah in distress. Innocent right? He’s just being helpful. Well, can someone tell my why Mr. Inquisitive – who just professed his love to Shantel in episode 2 – turned his cell phone ringer down to silent mode?]

Leilah grinned, instantly averting her eyes when she realized the level of his friendliness had increased from cordial to inquisitive. She considered various possibilities before blinking away all thoughts. Allow me to reintroduce you to your roommate’s boyfriend, she said to herself, determined not to fall for a taken man.“Terrance, I really appreciate all your help,” she said watching the mechanic replace her blown tire. “But you don’t have to stay.”He nodded and said, “I know,” Pressing a button on the side of his phone, he turned the ringer off.

Leilah traced the lines stretching across her palm, feeling the heat radiating from the leather passenger seat. Uncertain of what to say, she remained silent, anxious to be back in her car, alone.
“Really, you don’t have to stay,” she offered again.

Terrance jerked out of his down coat, tossed it into the back seat, and repositioned himself. “I heard you the first time.” Reclining his seat, he closed his eyes. “You should probably get a few minutes of rest.”
Leilah snapped, remembering the bags under her eyes, “Just what are you trying to say?”
He chuckled, covering his face with his arm. The dark semi-circles on her lightly bronzed skin were hard to miss. “Girls are always trying to twist words around,” he said. “We still got about two or three hours on the road. Unless you think I’m about to steal your purse or something.”
There’s nothing in it genius. Leilah rolled her eyes away from the smirk on his face. The mechanic was taking an eternity to replace the tire. “I wonder what’s taking so long.”
“I don’t know, but wake me up when he’s done.”

~~
Shantel paced the span of her tiny dorm room three times in a row before dialing Terrance’s cell phone number. Why isn’t he answering?
“What’s up this is Terrance. I'm busy. Leave a message. Beep.”
“Hey Baby, what’s up? You haven’t returned any of my calls or messages. I left about five of them. Pick one and call me back.”

Shantel tossed her phone on the bed, exhaling deeply before laying down beside it. Where is he? If he left at two, he should be here by now. She glanced over at the bright red digits on her alarm clock. It’s almost nine o’clock. She muffled her face in agony from being alone. Not that she couldn’t breathe without a guy, but at that instant, she needed a rock. She needed someone to make her feel worthwhile. Shantel climbed under her blanket in her fitted day dress, and dialed Terrance’s number again.

“What’s up this is Terrance. I'm busy. Leave a message. Beep.”
“Baby,” she cried, wiping away the tears as they fell uncontrollably. “I – I need you.” Shantel’s voice quivered and her body shook. She covered her mouth to silence the desperation. “Um…” she said in a more normal tone, “Call me when you get a chance. I hope everything is alright.”

Disconnecting the call, she covered her head under the blanket, and her body convulsed from the weight of her sobs.

~~

“So, how much do I owe you.” Leilah asked the shaggy mechanic.
“Already taken care of.” He nodded toward Terrance who was leaning against his truck several feet away. Leilah stared at him, bewildered before walking over.

“So, how much do I owe you?” she insisted.
Terrance smiled, causing her insides to contract like a young girl with her first crush. Leilah suddenly felt a need to look elsewhere and cross her arms protectively across her chest.
“You owe me,” Terrance grinned, “a phone call.”
“A phone call,” she asked, meeting his gaze. “What kind of phone call?”
“Not that kind,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m tired,” he pointed to himself, “you’re tired. If we’re talking to each other, it will lessen the chances of someone falling asleep at the wheel.” With a grin, he added, “Otherwise you’ll be using my phone to call roadside assistance again.”
“Whatever,” she laughed.
“For real, let me give you my number. We can keep each other company.”
“We don’t have anything to talk about.”
“Cross that bridge when we get there.”
Leilah sighed in defeat, “What’s your number?”

~~

Shantel woke up, groggy. She stared at the blurry numbers on the clock before her eyes adjusted to the shape. It was almost ten o’clock at night, and Terrance still had not called her.

Fishing through her contacts, she found a number and dialed.
“Shantel?”
“Yeah, Darien, it’s me.”

[Stay tuned: We’ll be back on Monday with a frothy combustion of soap kissing water.]

Suds - Season 1, Episode 7

2008-02-07T16:21:00.000-06:00

...a mini-soap opera that bubbles with Love & Drama

[Last time on Suds, Shantel’s plan was working so well she had Darien begging God for help. Will he also be begging for forgiveness? And Leilah packed her under eye baggage for a road trip back to school. Meanwhile, does anyone remember Terrance? Clearly Shantel doesn’t :o)]

Less than two hours into the drive, Terrance noticed an old Grand Am with a blown tire pulled over on the side of the road. He slowed down enough to see the car had an SIUC parking decal on the back window. Better him than me, he thought picking up speed. Then he had another thought. What if it’s a her?

~~
Shantel’s mien shifted from casual to sultry as she groped Darien’s thigh. “Come upstairs with me.” Darien looked around to see he had stopped in front of her dorm. He gulped hard, forcing himself to open his car door and get out. Pulling her suitcase from the trunk, he used it as a buffer between them. “Please?” she said tilting her head to the side in a coy manner.

Darien lifted her bag to the sidewalk. “Naw, I can’t leave my car here.”
“Well, park it in the lot. I’ll wait.”
His jaw clenched. “No. I’ll just see you around.”
“Darien?” she stepped closer. He stepped back. Offended, and at a loss for alternatives, Shantel brewed a fresh batch of tears, allowing them to drip freely. “Who is she?”

Her tears worked instantly, and Darien was at her side urging her to calm down. “There ain’t nobody else, Shantel…”
“No, you just need some time to yourself,” she interrupted, sarcastically.
“Yeah,” he agreed.
“You don’t have to lie to me,” she snapped, in true soap opera fashion. Grabbing her suitcase, she clicked away, then whirled around and yelled. “You could at least be man enough to tell me the truth!”

Darien rushed to her side, gripping her arm. “Shantel,” he paused, trying to formulate his words. “Shantel, I’m trying to be right with God.”
Shantel stared into his pleading hazel eyes. You have got to be kidding. A wave of thoughts jumbled in her mind, each trying to be the first out. “Is this a new break up line?” she asked shaking her head. “If so, I highly recommend that you don’t lie on God. I don’t think he takes that kind of thing well.”
“I’m serious, Tel.” Darien said.
“Shan-tel,” she corrected him, storming away.
~~
Leilah’s heart rate quickened when the dark SUV pulled over, reversing until it was just five feet in front of her car. Her cell phone battery was dead, but she picked it up anyway, punching the power button in vain. The blue light flickered on before the cell phone died again. Oh God. Fear crept up into her throat. A large man wearing a skull cap stepped out of the truck.

Oh crap. Leilah panicked. God, I know you been checking in and out of my prayers lately, but I really need you to answer this one. Please don’t let this man be a serial killer or a rapist. If anything, let him be a robber. All of my credit cards are maxed out anyway.

The man shielded his eyes from the glare of her headlights as he approached. She glanced over to make sure her door was locked. Leilah contemplated speeding off, but knew she wouldn’t get far with a busted tire. What to do? What to do? She rolled her window down an inch, lifting her phone to her ear.

“Yeah Dad,” she said as the man reached her window. “Daddy can you hold on a second, a guy just pulled over to help.” She pretended to listen. “I already gave you the plate numbers. It’s a black Ford Explorer.” She listened, pretending to be annoyed. “I don’t know what year, it looks new.” Sighing deeply, Leilah rolled her eyes and looked through the slightly opened window at the man. “My dad wants to know what year your car is. He’s into taking precautions. No offense intended.”

“None taken, it’s a 2005.” Must be nice, Leilah thought looking at the guy’s Sean John attire. Doesn’t look like a robber. She rolled her dirt-stained window down another couple inches.
“Leilah, right?”
Stalker? “Um, yeah,” she answered hesitantly. Taking a closer look, she recognized her roommate’s latest boyfriend. “Oh, hi…” Leilah searched her memory for his name, but paid such little attention to Shantel and her affairs that she honestly couldn’t remember.
“Terrance,” he reminded her.
“Yes, Terrance, Shantel’s boyfriend.” She nodded in recognition. Good looking out, God. “Do you need some help? Or does your dad have everything under control?” Terrance pointed at the phone Leilah held against her ear.

Smiling sheepishly she closed it. “Dead battery.”
Terrance chuckled. “Good show.”
“I know, right. Crazy people out there.”
Terrance’s smile was warm and friendly. “Go ahead and pop the trunk for me.”
“I don’t have a spare. Just a bag of clothes and bottled water.” She opened her car door and climbed out. “But if you let me use your phone, I can call roadside assistance.”
Terrance handed her an iPhone. She tried not to be impressed.
~~
Shantel plopped down on her twin-sized bed, hoping Terrance would get back to campus. She needed someone to hold her, and tell her that she was beautiful. Sure she knew she was beautiful, but she needed him to affirm and dote over her like Darien used to. ‘I’m trying to get right with God, Shantel.’ Who says that? Shantel fumed. She practically threw herself at him, and he was quoting the bible. Darien is the biggest freak in the world. How dare he pretend to be devoted to God?

Shantel pulled her iPhone from her purse – both gifts from Terrance – and called her boyfriend. The phone rang four times before going to voicemail. “Hey Baby, it’s me. I miss you so much. Call me.”
~~
An hour later, Leilah and Terrance sat in his SUV at the mechanic’s garage, fresh out of small talk.

Leilah searched her mind for something meaninful to say. “Oh, I forgot to tell you. There was a call coming through when I was using your phone.”
Terrance pulled his phone from his pocket and found a missed call from Shantel. “Thanks,” he said, seeming distracted as he placed the phone back into his coat pocket. “So, what’s up with you? You barely be around campus,”

“I’m in the city a lot, or working, or studying.”
“Word?”
“Verb. It’s what I do.” She said tracing the lock on his glove compartment.
Terrance wrinkled his eyebrows, confused.
“You’ve never seen that commercial?” Leilah asked, embarrassed for a second, but not embarrassed enough to stop explaining. Her eyes widened in disbelief. “The one where it shows kids playing basketball, and doing stuff. Get it? Verb. Doing stuff.”
Terrance laughed. “Yeah, I get it.”
“It’s not even cable, it’s PBS. I can’t believe you haven’t seen it.”
“I don’t know any lil kids, and I sure don’t sit up in the house watching cartoons.”
“Don’t lie. All guys watch cartoons.”
“The Simpsons and the Boondocks don’t count.”
“And Japanamation?” She questioned.
He smiled, guiltily.
“That’s what I thought.” Leilah grinned, instantly averting her eyes when she realized the level of his friendliness had increased from cordial to inquisitive. She considered various possibilities before blinking away all thoughts. Allow me to reintroduce you to your roommate’s boyfriend, she said to herself, determined not to fall for a taken man.
“Terrance, I really appreciate all your help,” she said watching the mechanic replace her blown tire. “But you don’t have to stay.”
He nodded and said, “I know,” Pressing a button on the side of his phone, her turned the ringer off.

[Stay tuned: Can bubbles thicken? Doesn’t really matter because they already are.]

Suds - Season 1, Episode 6

2008-02-07T12:53:00.000-06:00

...a mini-soap opera that bubbles with Love & Drama

[Last time on Suds, Darien snuck up behind Shantel and… ditched her, LOL, but not to worry, our girl still has one more plan to win back her lost puppy love. And with Terrance detained by his lonely mother, Shantel might have more than enough time to… well see for yourself.]

Shantel looked out of the window. She was less than fifteen minutes away from the Carbondale stop, and out of options. Well, at least I didn’t break up with Terrance. Pulling her cell phone from her purse, she sorted through numbers until she found Yellow Cab. Maybe I can give Darien a ride back to the dorms in my cab. Her hand lingered on the call button before she snapped the phone shut with another scheme in mind. Darien probably parked his car at the train station, and if I accidentally forget to call a cab, he just might offer me a ride home.

As faith would have it, Darien and Shantel unloaded their bags from the train at the same time. The late afternoon sun gave an illusion of warmth, but the cold breeze quickly countered. Shantel wrapped her arms around her body.

“Did you get any studying done,” he asked cordially with an effortlessly fine smile.
“I did,” she said. “When I pull that A+, you’re allowed to call me Einstein.” Darien’s laugh encouraged her to continue with the plan. As they walked away from the train, she came to an abrupt stop.

“Aww man,” she sighed, slapping her forehead. “I forgot to call a cab.” She watched as the only cab was taken by a group of girls.
“That’s messed up.”
Shantel bit her bottom lip, waiting for him to offer her a ride. She could see his car in her peripheral vision. It was parked in the furthest corner of the lot. “I can call my roommate,” she said pulling her phone from her purse and dialing Fandango. She listened to the movie line-up, and heard a few movies that she actually wanted to see. Shantel snapped the phone shut. “No answer,” she groaned.

Darien looked away, swinging his bag over his shoulder. Any day now, she thought, sarcastically. “Well, I’ll see you later.” Shantel walked over to the cab line on the curb. Darien silently watched her walk away.

~~~
“When are you leaving,” Lalique complained when Leilah changed the channel from a gruesome open heart surgery.
“Thank you,” Tyler shouted. “She always making us watch them nasty shows.”
‘Yeah,” Ty chimed in, “And we can’t ever watch our movie.”
“Shut up,” Lalique said, “It’s educational. Darn kids don’t know how to appreciate quality television.”

All seven of Sheila’s children sat in Aunt Lisa’s living room. Jack D. sat in the corner, whispering on Lalique’s cell phone. Tu Tu lay on the floor, coloring. Ty and Tyler were building Lego towers, ramming their toy cars into towers, and then giggling upon collapse. And the three eldest, sat on the couch.

“You got a man yet, Lei?” Xeniyah asked.
“Does it look like I have time for a man?” Leilah said yawning. “I’m here with ya’ll like every other weekend, and when I’m not here, I’m working. And when I do get a minute to myself, I plan on sleeping so I can check these bags,” she pointed at the dark area under her eyes, “goodbye.”

Lalique snatched the remote control out of Leilah’s hand. “You look dead. Take a nap before you get on the highway.” She flicked back to the surgery, instantly becoming engrossed in the stitching. “Zen, why you always asking somebody if they have a man? You act like the world revolves around dudes.”
Xeniyah rolled her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest.
Leilah stood, “I’ll sleep when I get back to the dorm.” She slid on her shoes.

Leilah said goodbye to her siblings and her aunt, then climbed into her 1997 Pontiac Grand Am, mentally prepared for the five hour drive.
~~
Come on now, God. Darien prayed. I can’t take this girl home. Do you see her? Do you see what she is wearing? Darien walked across the lot to his car, dumping his bag in the trunk. Her roommate ain’t even there. The engine purred to life with a turn of his key. Man, God, you gon have to work this out.

Darien pulled up at the curve, got out and loaded Shantel’s suitcase into the trunk of his car.
“You don’t have to,” she said. “I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable about this.”
He opened the passenger door, gesturing for her get in. She smiled appreciatively.

They drove in silence most of the short ride back to the dorm unitl Shantel leaned back in the seat and sighed, “I miss this car.” The innocent sounding statement was filled with hidden innuendos. Darien prayed, Look God, I’m trying to be with you, but I ain’t ready to be taking no tests. Shantel rested her hand on his thigh. He jerked the car to a stop.
~~
Terrance drove down the highway, relieved that he was able to get on the road by 5 pm. If Shantel was still up, they could hang out for a while, especially since her roommate was rarely ever around.

Less than two hours into the drive, he noticed an old Grand Am with a blown tire pulled over on the side of the road. He slowed down enough to see the car had an SIUC parking decal on the back window. Better him than me, he thought picking up speed. Then he had another thought. What if it’s a her?

[Stay tuned: Bubbles, bubbles, toiling troubles]

Suds - Season 1, Episode 5

2008-02-07T12:48:00.000-06:00

...a mini-soap opera that bubbles with Love & Drama

[Last time on Suds, Leilah’s left cheek was unfortunate enough to meet with granny’s right hook, compliments of a case of mistaken identity. And Aunt Lisa, who adopted all seven of her sister’s children found solace on her back stairwell. Meanwhile, I wonder what Shantel is up to.]
Leilah stepped out onto the porch. “I finished the laundry, but there’s a bag I was too tired to fold.”
Lisa smiled, blowing the smoke from the corner of her lips, “Don’t worry about it, I’ll have the kids take care of it.” She extended her arm toward the girl she practically raised since she herself was a teenager. Leilah slid into her Aunt Lisa’s embrace, perching next to her on the back stairs.
“Are you okay?” Aunt Lisa asked.
“Yeah,” Leilah lied.
“You know all that wasn’t meant for you, right?”
“Yeah,” she rested her head against her aunt’s shoulder, experiencing comfort in its smoggiest yet purest form.
~~~
Shantel craned her neck, searching for Darien in the sea of bodies that flooded the waiting area nearest their departure ramp. Its 9:15, where is he? She tapped her knee high, stiletto boots impatiently, and smoothed her trench coat. It was so thin, she practically froze when the Chicago wind blew, but the look on Darien’s face when he finally saw her would be worth all the cold in the artic. Maybe he’s already on the train, she thought, and in the same breath, she rushed toward the train with her large black suitcase strolling behind.

She handed her bag to the attendant, and climbed on board. Her eyes scanned each face on the car. He wasn’t there. Shantel sighed, pulling her ‘flat-ironed till it was bone straight’ hair off her neck.
“What’s up, Tel?” The voice she had been dreaming of said in a friendly tone.
She dropped her hair, hoping she hadn’t messed it up, “Hey Darien.”
“I thought you were riding back with your boy.”
Speculating about my whereabouts? Good, very good. Shantel smiled playfully, smoothing strands of hair into place. “Oh no, he’s not leaving until late, and I have to study… for Finance.” She pressed her lips together, raising her brows. “So, you want to sit together?”
“Uh,” Darien scratched his braids. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”
“Why?” Shantel grabbed his hand and pulled him toward two empty seats near the middle. “Is there a law that says we can’t enjoy each other’s company?” She untied her trench coat and slid it off.

Darien’s eyes traced down her neck to her low cut, fitted dress. He closed his eyes tightly. Shantel fought back a congratulatory smirk. This might be easier than I thought. She planted a hand on her hip, leaning slightly to enhance her curvy silhouette. Darien looked away. “I… uh… left all my stuff on the other car with my guy.”
“Okay, well just go grab your stuff and come back. I’ll hold your space.”
“Uh,” he rubbed his forehead. “Naw, I gotta go. I’ll see you later Shantel.” He rushed off before she could respond.

Shantel plopped down onto the seat, furious.
~~~

“Alright Ma, I gotta go,” Terrance said, hoping his mother would hold onto the guilt card instead of playing it as she so often did.
Mrs. Holt, inhaled and exhaled deeply. “Why couldn’t you just go to the University of Illinois? At least then I would see you more often, not just once every other month.”

Terrance looked at the short, pudgy woman sitting at the dining room table playing solitaire.
“This is what I do, you know.” She flipped over three cards. “This is all I do, play cards.”
“Ma,” Terrance groaned. “How many times we gotta have this conversation?”
“And when you do come home, it’s for one night.” She flipped over another three cards from the deck, matching a series of black and red before pulling from the deck again. “And less than half a day. Staying out all night with that lil girl. Can’t even spend your last night in town with your own mother.”
“Ma, please don’t do this.”
Still she continued on an on about her life as a widow, her only son abandoning her for some lil pop tart that didn’t have the decency to meet his mother, and even how her waning eye sight was attributed to his absence. Her poor eyes kept trying to find him even though he was long gone.

Terrance stretched out on the sofa less than three feet from his mother, tuning in an out of her rant. He knew he wouldn’t be able to leave until later… much later.
~~

Shantel had more than enough time to study since Darien avoiding her like cats avoided bath water. He even pretended to be sleeping when she walked through his car to get to the snack bar.

Shantel looked out of the window less than fifteen minutes away from the Carbondale stop, and out of options. Well, at least I didn’t break up with Terrance. She pulled her cell phone from her purse, sorting through numbers until she found the yellow cab. Maybe I can give Darien a ride back to the dorms in my cab. Her hand lingered on the call button before she snapped the phone shut with another scheme in mind. Darien probably parked his car at the train station, and if I accidentally forget to call a cab, he just might offer me a ride home.

[Stay tuned: No line, no wait for Episodes 6 & 7]

Technical Difficulty

2008-02-07T08:09:00.000-06:00

It is with a deeply saddened heart that I must inform you of the technical difficulties I've been experienceing while trying to upload the last three episodes of Suds.

Not to worry, this web of confusion will be sorted out soon enough. Meanwhile, if you read this post with an English accent, it is quite amusing :o).

Love 1 Cor. 13,
Makeda

Suds - Season 1, Episode 4

2008-02-04T23:52:00.000-06:00

...a mini-soap opera that bubbles with Love & Drama

[Last time on Suds, Shantel was leaving on the morning train to Georgia? Not Georgia, to Carbondale with lofty expectations of resuming her relationship with the ex, Darien, which would be a simple task if she didn’t feel a need to hold on to new beau, Terrance. Meanwhile, Leilah’s trip to the nursing home has granny trippin’.]

Grandma looked up at Leilah standing in the doorway. “You got some nerve coming here,” she growled in a low tone. She inched toward Leilah, roughly dropping Tuilette on her roommate’s twin sized bed. Grandma’s eyes darkened as she approached Leilah. “Didn’t I tell you to leave that child with Lisa?”
“What are you talking about, Ma,” Leilah asked in shock.
Grandma’s voice thundered, “Sheila, I told you to stay away from them kids!”

The stout woman charged at Leilah with bloodshot eyes and a menacing scowl. Before Leilah could move out of the way, Grandma’s heavy right hand landed on her face. Leilah stumbled backward gripping her burning cheek.
“It’s me Leilah,” she screamed, clutching her face as she pedaled backward into the hallway.
“You don’t care bout nobody but yourself and them filthy drugs!” Grandma yelled, charging toward Leilah again.
“Leilah,” she begged in vain, attempting to ward of her grandmother’s attacks. “I’m your granddaughter, Leilah!” She fell to the floor, anguished.

Tuilette jumped down from the bed, “Leave Lily alone,” the mousy voice squealed.

Leilah cowered against the wall, pleading with her eyes. She could hear the nurses rushing down the hall toward them as Grandma’s face neared hers. The old woman was lost to dementia. Leilah’s eyes held Sheila’s shade of chestnut brown. Her round face could have been molded after Sheila’s, and her slender frame although healthy could in the wrong light, or the wrong mindset, be confused with that of a drug addict.

Leilah braced herself for another blow, knowing she would feel at least one more impact before the nurses were able to restrain her grandmother. She closed her eyes tightly, waiting for the nightmare to concede, except the last blow never came.

Instead she heard the little voice. “No, Grandma! You don’t hit Leilah!” Then everything went silent and Leilah felt soft, tiny hands stroking her hair. “Are you okay, Lily?” Tuilette asked.
~~~

“Baby, you know I gotta pass this class,” Shantel reasoned, stroking Terrance’s cheek. They sat in his car in front of her house.
“You don’t have to catch the train, Shantel. I can drive you back. We can leave at two o’clock instead of six.”
“Baby,” she pulled his attention away from the parked car in front of them. Terrance rested his head on the back of his seat. “You can come over tomorrow night, and by then I’ll be finished studying.” Shantel tried not to let on that there would not be a tomorrow night for them, and for a brief moment, she almost regretted her decision to leave him.
“Alright,” he sighed, wishing he didn’t have to spend Sunday morning with his family before heading back to campus.
~~~

Leilah opened her eyes to see her little sister’s tear-streaked face. Across the hall, her grandmother inched backwards with both hands clasped over her mouth. Her bewildered expression prompted the nurses to halt less than two feet away as the elderly woman slid down the wall, curled into a ball and cried. The painful tune of Grandma’s sobbing was the only sound echoing though the hallway.

Leilah slowly crawled to her grandmother’s side, embracing the aching woman while she sobbed and apologized profusely. “It’s okay, grandma,” Leilah assured her. Still, her entire body shook from fear.
~~~

Lisa sat on the enclosed back porch of her two flat building, sucking the life out of the cigarette with hopes of reinvigorating her own. She closed her eyes and imagined what her life would have been like without children. She could have been like one of Joan’s Girlfriends, a sexy and successful black woman with the occasional man toy. Lisa smiled at the thought, but thanks to her consistently reckless older sister, Lisa now had seven kids, Leilah (21), Lalique (17), Xeniyah (16), Jack D. (15), the twin boys, Ty and Tyler (7), and the baby girl, Tuilette (3).

Leilah stepped out onto the porch. “I finished the laundry, but there’s a bag I was too tired to fold.”
Lisa smiled, blowing the smoke from the corner of her lips, “Don’t worry about it, I’ll have the kids take care of it.” She extended her arm toward the girl she practically raised since she herself was a teenager. Leilah slid into her Aunt Lisa’s embrace. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” Leilah lied.
“You know all that wasn’t mean for you, right?”
“Yeah,” she rested her head against her aunt’s shoulder, experiencing comfort in its smoggiest yet purest form.

[Stay tuned: Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you, tomorrow, you’re only a day away]

Suds - Season 1, Episode 3

2008-02-01T23:07:00.000-06:00

...a mini-soap opera that bubbles with Love & Drama

[Last time on Suds, Shantel managed to slide back into the arms of her boyfriend, Terrance, even after an attempt to hook her ex, Darien. Will Terrance’s love for Shantel be enough to stop her from slipping? Meanwhile, who is Leilah?]

A genuine smile inched across his face and reached into his eyes causing them to twinkle. He really does love me. Shantel beamed, revealing her deeply dimpled cheeks. I could grow to love him, she thought, and tippy-toed into his loving kiss. He poured all of his love into her, but when she closed her eyes, she could only see Darien.
~~~
Leilah trotted along the perimeter of the nursing home with the toddler sliding out of her grasp.

“I’m cold, Lily,” the little girl cried.
“I know, Tu Tu, we’re almost there.”

Leilah used her foot to press the handicap button. The heavy door slowly groaned open while Leilah impatiently forced it the rest of the way with her back, and rushed to open the other door. March in Chicago may as well be the heart of winter, she thought as she plucked her gloves off and stuffed them into her coat pocket.

The stale warm air reminded her of the mountain of dirty laundry she promised to wash before returning to school the next day. Tuilette wiggled her way out of Leilah’s grip.
“I wanna write, it’s my turn.”
“Tu Tu, you can write in your own book later.” Leilah finished signing the visitor log.
“But I want to write in that book,” Tuilette shouted, folding her tiny arms across her chest.

Leilah assessed the determination level of her youngest sister. Although the little monster grew out of her terrible twos, Leilah learned the hard way that the threes were no more pleasant. Of course she could win any battle against the pint, but some wars didn’t need to be waged. She handed her the pen and watched the youngster scribble Ts across the backside of the log.

Tuilette, what kind of a name is that? Leilah rolled her eyes remembering her mother’s unshakable decision to name the child after a toilet. ‘It’s not a toilet,’ her mother argued, ‘It’s a type of perfume.’ The poor girl didn’t even have the luxury of saying her mom was high at the time. Their mother was perfectly sober and insistent. She was even thinking straight enough to have her tubes tied, and Leilah was grateful. The last thing she needed was another mouth to feed, seven was more than enough.
~~~
The pleasant smile on Shantel’s lips hid the contempt she had in her heart for Terrance. Since he dropped the L-bomb on her, he wouldn’t let her out of his sight. Shantel's last two days of schemes to get closer to Darien were all fruitless thanks to Terrance's annoying show of affection.

She leaned into Terrance’s one arm embrace at Midway Airport, staring at the metal ridges of the baggage claim belt. Darien was in the midst of the group they traveled with, huddled less than ten feet away. Shantel gritted her teeth. She had managed to waste time talking to each of the twelve people in their party, all except Darien. She clung to Terrance’s waist. He kissed her forehead, and she smiled appreciatively, all the while harboring ill feelings toward him.

Shantel hated the baggage claim. Not for fear that they might lose her bags, but because she hated waiting on the buzz and flashing lights. The belt alarm droned like it was about to die, and Shantel impatiently sprinted around the belt past the cluster of semi-friends.

“What time your train leave tomorrow, D?” someone asked Darien. Shantel slowed down with Terrance still a few feet behind.
“I’m on the morning train. I think it’s the 9:35,” he answered.

Shantel’s mischievous smile was hidden from Terrance as he trailed behind her. I can tell Terrance I have to get back to campus early… to study, she thought. Then, I’ll book a seat on Darien’s train. We’ll be back together by the time we get to Carbondale, and I’ll just let Terrance down easy tomorrow night.

“That’s my bag right there, Baby,” she said to Terrance, satisfied with her game plan.

~~~~
The elevator doors opened on the third floor, and the scent was far more intrusive than dirty laundry. Leilah waved at the uninterested nurses and walked down the hall in search of her grandmother. The stench grew stronger as they neared the source. Orderlies were turning the beds of the less mobile residents, bins of soiled bed clothing sat outside several rooms. Tu Tu pinched her nose and ran to Grandma’s room, pushing the unlocked door open.

“Hey Toilet Paper,” Grandma mused. “Come here let me wipe my behind.”
“I’m not a toilet paper,” Tuillette yelled with her hands propped on her hips. “My name is Tu Tu.”
“Whatever your name is chile, come give Mama a hug.” Grandma laughed out loud, lifting the chubby brown girl into her arms. Tu Tu giggled. “Where is your Auntie Lisa? She come see about Mama too?”

Grandma looked up at Leilah standing in the doorway. “You got some nerve coming here,” she growled in a low tone. She inched toward Leilah, roughly dropping Tuillette on her roommate’s twin size bed. Grandma’s eyes darkened as she approached Leilah. “Didn’t I tell you to leave that child with Lisa?”
“What are you talking about, Ma,” Leilah asked in shock.
Grandma’s voice thundered, “Sheila, I told you to stay away from them kids!”

[Stay tuned: Suds will be making more bubbles of Love & Drama on Monday]

Suds - Season 1, Episode 2

2008-01-31T21:00:00.000-06:00

...a mini-soap opera that bubbles with Love & Drama

[Last time on Suds, Shantel lurked in the darkness, spying on her ex, Darien, while he was having a private chat on the beach with God. Shantel imagined him falling desperately in love with her, and as she crawled out of the darkness, hoping to bring her dream into reality, a voice called from behind. It was Terrance, her new boyfriend. Looks like Shantel might be slipping.]

“Is there something you want to tell me?” a voice boomed from behind. Shantel whirled around to find Terrance glowering over her shoulder in Darien’s direction.

“Oh h-hey, Baby,” she stammered, nervously. Think, Telly, think, she panicked in silence as she glanced down at her sandy knees. Shantel tried to laugh, but it caught in her throat. Still, she managed to force out an explanation, “Oh my gosh, please tell me you didn’t see that. I’m such a klutz.” Shantel dusted the dry sand from her legs, shaking her head in embarrassment.

Terrance continued glaring at Darien, who glanced over at him and Shantel, gave a lukewarm wave and walked away. After muttering something unintelligible, Terrance refocused his attention on Shantel. He assessed the beauty and her irresistible smile, unsure of how to respond to what he thought he saw.

Shantel babbled on incoherently, hoping to disguise her fear of losing Terrance as embarrassment. “I’m such a nerd. I was walking over to say hi, you know me being the bigger person and all, and I tripped.” Her eyes bulged as she gestured frantically toward the white beach chair. “I tripped over the lounger.” Rubbing her palms together to grind away the sand, she chuckled, “What kind of an idiot trips over a bright white chair?”

The self-depreciating comment, aimed at Terrance’s bizarre need to protect Shantel lingered in the night air as he watched the darkness swallow Darien. Shantel folded her arms across her chest, biting her bottom lip. She barely whispered, “You must think, I’m pretty stupid, huh?” Tilting her head to the side, she commanded her eyes to water. They obeyed. She looked up at the starry sky, balancing the liquid that threatened to spill over her bottom lid.

Terrance melted, instantly. “Naw baby, I don’t think you’re stupid. Maybe a little on the clumsy side, but I think that’s cute.” He lifted her chin and kissed her tears. She pulled away, pouting.

“You playing shy now?” He teased. “If I recall correctly, there ain’t nothing shy about you.”

A girly giggle escaped her lips as she threw her arms around his neck, “All girls get a little shy from time to time.”

“Not my girl, not with me. Ain’t no need for all that.” He rubbed her back, staring into her chestnut brown eyes, earnestly, “I love you, girl.”

What? Shantel loosened her grip around his neck and stumbled. Terrance braced her limp body with his own. Her mind raced. Terrance never used the L word before. He can’t really be in love with me. We’ve barely even been together for two months. Shantel gulped back the burning desire to tell him the truth, but couldn't bare the thought of being alone. With tear-filled eyes she professed, “I love you too, baby.” The lie tightened in her chest. She exhaled, hoping he couldn't feel her body tremble.

A genuine smile inched across Terrance's face and reached into his eyes causing them to twinkle. He really does love me. Shantel beamed, revealing her deeply dimpled cheeks. I could grow to love him, she thought, and tippy-toed into his loving kiss. He poured all of his love into her, but when she closed her eyes, she could only see Darien.

[Stay tuned. It can only get more slippery tomorrow night.]

Suds - The Season Premiere

2008-01-30T23:35:00.000-06:00

What is he doing? Carefully hidden in the shadows, Shantel glared at Darien from near the dark sidewalk. Her eyes darted across the moonlit beach. Darien stood at the shore staring at the ocean. His linen pants hugged his strong legs as the warm breeze blew. He must be waiting for someone. Palm trees swayed in the star-sprinkled sky as she combed the beach with her eyes. Her search came up empty. Shantel returned her glare to her mocha colored ex-boyfriend. He fingered his braided hair, tracing a zigzag cornrow to the end. I used to braid his hair, she fumed silently as she imagined Darien’s hair being braided by random girls during his “time to himself.” She wondered which of her “friends” were chasing after her ex. College guys are so fickle. A pit of rage burrowed inside her. He could have at least been honest. If he wanted to see other people, he should have said that, not, ‘I need some time to myself’. Time for what? Shantel rolled her eyes. She took a deep breath and surveyed the shore once more, only darkness.

Darien’s lips were moving. She tried to inch into earshot, but couldn’t risk being seen. Instead, she focused her attention on reading his lips.
“Man,” she whispered, mimicking his mouthing. “I can’t believe this God.”
God? He’s talking to God? Shantel slowly crawled across the concrete sidewalk, staying low to the ground. “This is serious,” she read his lips, crouching behind a lounge chair on the resort. “God,” he continued. “I don’t know if I can do this.” He paced back in forth along the shore. Shantel strained to see his lips. Grains of sand scraped against her knees as she crawled closer. Darien stopped pacing and smiled. A boyish innocence spread across his face. She froze feeling her stomach flutter the same way it had when they met in the fall. Suddenly, she didn’t care if he saw her. In fact, she wanted him to see her. She wanted him to remember that they belonged together. Shantel daydreamed of locking eyes with Darien, standing in her short summer dress to reveal sand stained knees, and him running toward her. He would embrace her, and vow never to let her go again. They would tell their children the story of how Mommy and Daddy reunited on spring break in the Dominican Republic.

Dimples of satisfaction pierced Shantel’s cheeks as she stood beside the beach lounger, waiting for Darien to look over, see her, and fall in love all over again.
“Is there something you want to tell me?” a voice from behind boomed. Shantel whirled around. Terrance glowered over her shoulder in Darien’s direction.
“Oh, h-hey Baby,” she stammered, nervously.

Suds - It's not your average soap opera

2008-01-30T21:21:00.000-06:00

I was talking to my Wew, one of my best girls, about my new blog. She asked, "So, Wew, what are you going to write about?" And can you believe I was stumped? I had always wanted a blog, and now that I have one, I'm experiencing shortness of verbage. Get it? Shortness of verbage instead of breath. :o) Ha ha.

Back to the dilemma, new blog, no topics. And then, it hit me. I am going to write a soap opera. A sudsy yet sanctified soap opera about... what else... LOVE.

Stay tuned, my creative juices are bubbling, and I already know you'll love SUDS.

Love My Blog!

2008-01-30T19:59:00.000-06:00

Who knew creating a blog could be so easy? In less than five painless minutes, you now have the joy of receiving my two cents, without using up all of your daytime minutes :0)

So, let's start at the very beginning with the name, Love Makeda. I chose this name because I literally fell in love with the LOVE chapter in the bible, 1 Corinthians 13. I'm just in love with all lovely things! It must be how God wired me :o).