I won't go into details because there's not enough blog space in the world for what I have to say :o) But I will say that God has shown me so much since I embraced him in the fall of 2002. I had no idea what He had in store for my life, but today, I am amazed.
In the spring of 2002, I was depressed and suicidal. I had low self esteem, and I needed other people to appreciate me in order to feel worthy. If something went wrong in my life, it was because I wasn't good enough, or pretty enough, or smart enough. So, I tiptoed through life needing to be loved and appreciated by others because I didn't have enough love for myself.
My heart was cold, and I needed others to warm it for me with their smiles, their friendship, their approval and understanding.
Ever since I clung to God, He wrapped His loving arms around me and held me so tight that I barely even recognize that lost and hurt 22 year old. I feel so sorry that her mind was warped for so many years, but I am so grateful that God stepped in and cleansed her, in a way that only He could.
I love Bibles. I have a pocket bible -- a cute one with a blossoming flower on the cover. I have a Spanish to English Bible because I've convinced myself that I will learn Spanish... soon :o) I also have a worship Bible, a Message Bible (which is amazing if you don't have one), an Everyday Life Bible, and my favorite because I'm a straight up NERD, my Archaeological Study Bible.
I love my Archaeological Bible because it has little inserts that show ancient artifacts and sort of connects the Bible to history. So, instead of thinking of Jerusalem as an imaginary place, the Bible shows photos of what an actual home looked like, or tombs. It was how God gripped my heart. He showed me that the Bible is a history book and not just a collection of stories. Don't get me started with the maps and the kingdoms along with my time lines... What a rush!! :o) I'm giddy just thinking about it, but I digress.
Back to the Bible. In 2006, God showed me the parable of the wise and foolish builders in Matthew 6:24-27. The wise builder hears God's word and puts it into practice, like those who build their homes on rock. The strong foundation does not allow the weather to make the house fall because it's foundation was built on rock. That's me.
The ex on the other hand was like the foolish builder who built his house on sand. When the rain started pouring, streams started rising, and the winds blew and beat against the house -- ie when times got rough -- his house fell with a great crash.
Rock - Follow the Word of God
Sand - Follow your own instincts (world) -- most of the time this is just like putting God on the back burner instead of at the forefront of our minds.
I wondered if Sand and Rock would ever be able to form a strong home.
So, I wrote a short prayer in the margins of that Bible (sometime between 2005 and 2006): Father, I pray that you will help him build his home on rock.
Only God can change a heart.
Back to the Bible, the footnote says "The Sea of Galilee served as a natural setting for this parable. The sand ringing the lake was rock hard during the hot summer. But a wise builder would dig down, as far as 10 feet below the surface sand to bedrock, knowing that this was the only way to erect a foundation able to withstand the winter rains, which were notoriously torrential and capable of causing disastrous flooding."
In Makeda language :o) Although the sand appeared solid -- good job, good person, committed, best intentions -- when seasons change, this all crashes down because the foundation was faulty from the start.
I love God because I've known this for years, and while I'm not sure if my prayer was answered, I can't say I'm surprised that the wind blew the house (our relationship) down.
Hope that makes sense because I gotta get my hair whipped now :o)
Love 1 Cor. 13,
Makeda
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