The 'F' Bomb

Yeah, I said it :o)

Actually my Pastor said it first, almost three years ago in his sermon about Forgiveness. So, consider it borrowed for the purpose of today's post.

Forgive... it almost feels like a curse word sometimes. I used to be right there with Peter. "And just how many times should we forgive... up to 7 times?"
And Jesus was like, "up to 77 times."
A shocked and dismayed me would respond, "Are you serious, God?"

I've always been good at holding a grudge. Perhaps a little too good. And even when I tried to forgive, I would have to forgive the same person for the same exact issue like a million times before it actually stuck. I can't even begin to count how many times I went back to God saying, "I thought I forgave so and so for doing this and that, but when I saw so and so, all I could see was red. Grrr." And then I would probably drop the real 'F' bomb. The bad one. And end up praying for forgiveness for my potty mouth -- which is unleashed every single time I am betrayed. (Note: I am very imperfect. I just try to be better, and my Father helps me. Trust me, this is not an overnight process.)

This brings me to another point. If we do not forgive, how can we expect our Father in heaven to forgive us? Teaching moment: When we are unable to forgive others because we are holding onto grudges, we block the forgiveness of our own sins.

For me, it wasn't that I didn't want to forgive. It was just so HARD to forgive. Memories would flow back into my mind and before I knew it, I was steaming, boiling hot with rage. So, after trying to forgive all the so an so(s) in my life with no real success, I got to the point where I was begging God to bless me with a forgiving heart.

After years of Forgiving and Failing, God blessed me with the ability to forgive instantly for one of the deepest hurts I have ever experienced. God held my heart tight and showed me why he allowed me to be hurt and betrayed. He showed me why He let lies linger in the dark. And then when He brought the truth to light, He held my heart tightly and blessed me with the ability to forgive.

I believe that my Father didn't want me to suffer through the pain of an unforgiving heart. He comforted me through a brief period of mourning, and now He is holding my hand and guiding me out of the mess.

I find myself wanting to be angry. I want to have a psychotic moment and burn down the world because a few people hurt me. How dare they... grrrr! LOL!! But I'm not angry, and I sure have no desire to take the psychotic route... again. (That's a whole other story). I'm hurt, but I understand. My heart aches, but God won't let it fall apart.

God is a trip. I don't have a trace of hatred in my fragile heart. Only Love. Oh my gosh, I almost missed this very important and fascinating point. God blessed me with the ability to love the people that hurt me, and pray for their well being. I prayed earnestly that these people were blessed by God, and that He spared them any overwhelming sorrow from hurting me. I know, right! Me, the grudge-keeper, actually prayed for the people that hurt me... actually asked God to bless them.

Forgiveness is truly a gift from God. And my Father gave me another gift. He has lined my heart with His Love. A love so perfect that even when I fall, trip, stumble, or am pushed, I know that He is right there holding and healing me. Awww I feel so warm and loved right now as I write this post.

God is amazing. And I pray that all of you have the ability to experience His perfect love.

And now I will show you the most excellent way...
Love 1 Corinthians 13,
Makeda